tips for a better orgasm

Sex Ed: Kegels and Ben Wa Balls

What are the kegel muscles?

The term “Kegel muscle” is used to refer to the muscles of the pelvic floor, the pubococcygeus muscles (PC muscles). The PC muscles hold your pelvic organs in place, control the flow of urine, and also contributes to sexual pleasure during intercourse. How? PC muscle are also responsible for the contractions you feel during an orgasm.

How do I find my kegel muscles?

To identify your pelvic floor muscles, stop urination in midstream. If you succeed, you’ve got the right muscles.

How do I strengthen my kegel muscles?

You can strengthen you PC muscles by using ben-wa balls or simple exercises. Exercises should be done multiple times a day for maximum results. Keep reading to found out how!

What are kegel exercises?

Kegel exercises are the repetitive tightening and relaxing of the PC muscles.

Why should I do kegel exercises?

Kegel exercises won’t actually tighten your vagina. But, they will tone and strengthen your vaginal muscles, which can increase your ability to be aroused. Kegels will also create a tighter grip during intercourse. They can also help intensify contractions during orgasm, because they send more blow-flow to your nether regions!

HOW TO DO KEGEL EXERCISES:

STEP 1 –  Once you’ve identified your pelvic floor muscles, empty your bladder and lie on your back. Tighten your pelvic floor muscles, hold the contraction for five seconds, and then relax for five seconds. Try it four or five times in a row. Work up to keeping the muscles contracted for 10 seconds at a time, relaxing for 10 seconds between contractions.

STEP 2 – For best results, focus on tightening only your pelvic floor muscles. Be careful not to flex the muscles in your abdomen, thighs or buttocks. Avoid holding your breath. Instead, breathe freely during the exercises.

STEP 3 – Repeat 3 times a day. Aim for at least three sets of 10 repetitions a day.

HOW TO USE BEN-WA BALLS:

STEP 1 – Insert one ball at a time. Putting lubrication on the balls will help them glide in. Women have said that inserting the balls is similar to inserting a tampon. If you’re having trouble, you should lift one leg up. If that doesn’t work, try inserting them while lying down.

STEP 2 – Squeeze your leg muscles together and then your pelvic muscles together to hold the balls in. The balls should push down a little bit inside your vagina, and they will make your vagina feel “full”. Much like tampons, you should eventually get used to the feeling.

STEP 3 – Hold the balls inside for at least 15 minutes a day to strengthen your PC muscles. You can hold them in for hours for a better workout.

Visit us online at www.thereddoorstore.com for Ben-Wa balls and more!

G-Spot 101: A Map to Her Happy Place

How can you take her orgasms from “oh” to “OOOHHH”? By discovering her g-spot! This unique spot within the vaginal wall contains nerve-packed tissue that when stimulated properly can create intense orgasms. Set aside some time with your partner to explore this erogenous zone, and take her orgasms to a whole new level…

What is the g-spot?

The g-spot is the walnut-shaped, spongy tissue of the paraurethral gland. It’s known as the female prostate because its tissue surrounds an area that produces chemicals similar to those made by the male prostate. The actual area is only about the size of a quarter, but it feels rougher to the touch than the surrounding tissue. Underneath the g-spot is extremely sensitive tissue that, when stimulated properly, triggers feelings of sexual happiness. It is located about one to two inches back from the vaginal opening inside the front vaginal wall.

How can I find the g-spot?

Start by spreading her legs with her knees bent, so her vagina is open and accessible. Stimulate her clitoris and get her sufficiently aroused. The g-spot will be much easier to find this way. Then, with the palm of your hand facing up, insert two fingers inside, pressing your fingertips against the center of the upper vaginal wall. Using moderate pressure, slowly rub your fingers along the wall looking for a ridged or textured area. The g-spot should feel slightly rougher than the rest of the vaginal wall. If you find it, your partner will definitely know and feel an deep arousal, or even the sensation of needing to urinate.

How can I stimulate the g-spot?

1. Tapping – The is an effective way of stimulating the g-spot without a lot of fuss. Simply use the tip of your finger to tap firmly and repeatedly on her G-spot. This slowly builds waves of sensation which can lead to an intense climax.

2. Girl on top – Activating the g-spot in missionary position is almost next to impossible. The best positions for g-spot stimulation are girl-on-top. Try traditional girl-on-top with your partner tilted slightly back, leaning away from you. Or try reverse cowgirl (read here for tips on this position). These positions work best because it forces your penis to rub against the upper vaginal wall, making the g-spot much easier to stimulate.

3. Prop up her bottom – If you are set on missionary, you must elevate her hips. The incline forces your penis to press directly into the g-spot zone! An added bonus? It also makes for maximum penetration. I suggest using one of our many Liberator ramp styles. Compared to a traditional pillow, the high-density foam of a Liberator ramp, maintains its shape, supports the body, and prevents sinking into the bed.

4. Try a toy – Take the guesswork out of finding and stimulating her g-spot. Many toys are designed to specifically to locate and stimulate the g-spot. Their curved shapes automatically put pressure on the g-spot… and the vibrations help stimulate it, too! For maximum g-spot bliss, try one of these stimulating toys:

  • Sensuelle Impulse Slimline –  If you have the urge to try something new, the Sensuelle Impulse Slimline Vibe Black will exceed your expectations. It has a deceptively simple, sleek design starting with the subtle grooves and continues on to the special hook handle. Do not be fooled, as the Sensuelle Impulse has special hidden features aimed to unveil your sensuality. It has a deeply intense motor, with multi function modes, designed to create powerful sensations easily with the touch of a finger.
  • Juicy Jewels Tangerine Dream – Diamonds used to be a girl’s best friend…until they tried one of these precious Juicy Jewels. Made from super-soft phthalate-free jelly, these incredible vibes deliver thrilling sensations and lasting satisfaction, in or out of water.
  • Wonderland Pleasurepillar – The world of WonderLand is full of erotic surprises and satisfying delights. Get spot-on stimulation with the Pleasurepillar. A mysterious character, this playful silicone caterpillar features a g-spot curve, 10 powerful functions, and a waterproof design that will make you positively squirm with delight. You can take the fantasy with you, wherever you may go, through the looking glass and beyond!
  • OVO K2 Rabbit – The German Designed K2 Rabbit from ovo is rounded for comfortable use and features a double application. The K2 is showerproof, whisper quiet and constructed of lead-free, phthalate-free, 100% body-safe silicone material. Additional features include: powerful motor; 5 programs; standard battery usage. Uses AAA cells. The K2 has been honored with a red dot design award – honourable mention 2013.
  • We-Vibe 4 – Available in stores! The world’s no. 1 couples vibrator, completely redesigned for better fit, heightened intensity and more control. She wears it during sex for extra stimulation to her clitoris and g-spot. Together you both share the vibe.
  • LELO Gigi – Available in stores! GIGI is a pleasure object dedicated to G-spot joy and more. Carefully sculpted to unlock the secrets of this mysterious and special place, her dramatic shape will ensure success. Five pre-programmed stimulation modes and a virtually silent vibrator engine deliver deep and vibrant sensations with spot-on precision. Her stem houses an impressively vibrant pleasure point, while the intuitive interface dial lets you control vibration intensity and stimulation mode to craft your own experience.

 

Dating and Married Men

Before you immediately get yourself in a big huff, this post is NOT about dating married men! So simmer down and relax! No, no… this post is about my experience as a single woman, and the myriad of married men who contact me on dating websites. It’s my thoughts about why this happens. And, it’s hopefully a eye-opener for both the married men on the sites, and the women who are married to them!

I’ve been single for about 7 months. During that time, I have been on just about every popular dating website – Match, POF, OkCupid, etc. And while on these sites, I cannot count the number of times a married man has messaged me. I’d estimate it at about 2 a week. Mind you, these are the ones who were honest about the fact that they were married. Who knows how many are out there that are lying about their relationship status.

After about the 5th message from a married man, I set aside my dismay and anger, and began to wonder… Why are they on here? Why are they messaging me? Why do they want to cheat on their wives? So, being a curious person, I asked. Yes, I asked. And surprisingly enough, many of them answered in very candid ways.

What did I find out? The most common responses were something along these lines:

“My wife doesn’t want to have sex with me anymore.”
“My wife and I do have sex, but it’s very boring and I need a change.”

Overall, they all expressed their love for their wives. They all said they were otherwise happy and wanted to stay married. But, the common denominator was a lack of satisfaction in their sex lives.

This saddens me. I believe that a fulfilling sex life with your partner is one of the key ingredients to a long-lasting and happy relationship. And, you can’t have a successful love-life without communication. But, it’s one of the last things we as couples feel comfortable discussing. Much of this has to do with societal norms, upbringing, etc. But, it’s something we need to address and change. You should be able to talk about sex with your partner!

And here is my response to the married men who are seeking sex outside of their relationships…

TALK TO YOUR WIVES! Go to her first. Talk to her. Tell her your needs and desires. If you are otherwise happy, you should be able to talk to her about such intimate matters. Maybe she would be willing to try some of the things you want to try. You never know unless you ask. Give her the chance to hear you out!

Furthermore, ask yourself a question – are you being reasonable? Maybe the things you are interested in are not reasonable requests for a happily married couple to experience. If you are basing your desires on porn, realize that those are actors and not everyone does those things. And the threesome you’ve always wanted? That doesn’t happen often and isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.

Finally, are you being sensitive? Perhaps she doesn’t want to have sex with you anymore because you are not being sensitive to HER needs. Women need affection and support in order to feel turned-on by their partner. Maybe she resents how little you help out, or how little time you spend with her. Or, could it be that you are not taking the time to make sure she is satisfied? Women need a lot more time, dedication, and stimulation to achieve orgasm. If you are taking care of your needs, and your needs only, I don’t blame her for giving up on sex!

And here is my response to WOMEN of married men who are seeking sex outside of their relationships…

TALK TO YOUR HUSBANDS! Go to him. Talk to him. Tell him your needs and desires. Tell him what you need in order to feel sexy and desired. Tell him what you need to make sex feel better for you. Tell him what you need in order to create time and energy for sex. Give him a chance to learn and change his ways. He’s not a mind-read and he needs you to TELL HIM what you want out of sex!

Or, have you given up on sex? How about on being sexy? I know you work hard, and take care of the kids, and have groceries to get. But, keep in mind that most men are very sexual creatures. Your relationship with him, and the sex he craves, should come before all of those other things in life. I am not saying devote all your time and attention to him. I am saying find a balance. Cut out one activity or obligation a week, and make time for sex!

Finally, don’t be afraid to spice things up. Just because he wants to try a strap-on, or anal, or watching a porn together does NOT mean he is not happy with you. It means that he needs a little something extra and wants to try it with YOU! Be open to the possibilities within your comfort zone. Don’t immediately shut him down. You never know…  you might awaken things within yourself you never thought were possible. You might experience a greater intimacy and satisfaction with your husband.

If it’s something you are willing to work on together, you could connect ways you thought were long gone. A marriage is such an important relationship, and sex should not be the reason why it falls apart. This is especially true in this day and age. Using adult toys, and talking about sex in the media, are much more accepted. There are all sorts of toys and accessories designed especially with couples in mind. And, the options for improving your sex life in the adult toy world are abundant! There’s honestly no reason for a man to look outside of his relationship for sex… nor for a woman to be unsatisfied with sex!

Need ideas… Here are couples toys that could change your sex life:

We Vibe 4 – The world’s no. 1 couples vibrator, completely redesigned for better fit, heightened intensity and more control. She wears it during sex for extra stimulation to her clitoris and G-spot. Together you both share the vibe.

Hump, Bump & Vibe – This discrete cushion elevates the hips for ultimate penetration and g-spot stimulation. Plus, the included bullet makes for extra pleasure by stimulating the clitoris.

OVO B7 Vibrating Cock Ring – The German Designed B7 Pleasure Ring from OVO is rounded for comfortable use and features a dynamic and modern shape. The B7 is showerproof, whisper quiet and constructed of lead-free, phthalate-free, 100% body-safe silicone material. The ring will give him a longer, stronger erection, while the vibe is designed to stroke her clitoris for maximum pleasure.

Luna Beads Mini – Luna Beads are the world’s bestselling Kegel weights system. They ensure that every woman can find her perfect fit for the most effective pelvic floor workout. LELO’s elegant update on the classic ben wa balls offers users longer, stronger, more attainable orgasms; reduced risk of incontinence and other pelvic floor disorders; and a faster return to tone and tightness after giving birth.

Encounter Clitoral/G-spot Lube – New Encounter Female Lubricants are a unique line of specially formulated lubricants to meet the needs and desires of the female body. Amazing Encounter. Using paraben free ingredients and non glycerin based formulations, Encounter Female Lubricants offer women a range of personal care products specifically designed to enhance pleasure with comfort and ease.

Anal Ese – This desensitizing lubricant makes anal penetration more comfortable and pleasurable.

Liquid V – The power of the V has arrived!! Liquid V is the strongest female stimulating product on the market today. It is formulated to help increase stimulation and blood flow to the clitoris and amplify the strength of female climax while producing a warm tingling sensation that women love.

Max Size Cream – A great complement to MaxSize tablets, MaxSize Cream is the only topical erectile enhancement that delivers immediate results. Applied generously MaxSize Cream engorges the penis giving men a firm long lasting erection. With a cooling, heated tingly sensation your partner will love it too. Lightly flavored with mint making it edible.