Hello, Kinky: How to Introduce a Fetish or Kink!

I am not what you would call “vanilla.” I like to do things in the bedroom that most people would consider adventurous. I often find myself holding back on my desires when I first meet someone. It’s because letting down your guard can be hard, especially when it comes to your deepest desires. So, expressing those desires to a new partner can be a little scary. Will they laugh at you? Will they slap you? Will they run off? Maybe…

But, perhaps they may get excited and entertain the idea of enjoying those desires with you. Maybe they’ve had those same desires all along. Let’s face it… almost EVERYONE has some type of kink, fetish, and at minimum, fantasy. We all have something that we think others won’t do, or may think is weird. Opening up to each other shouldn’t be so scary. It should and can be a fun process of discovery!

So, here are some tips on how to share your kinks, fetishes, fantasies, and other twists with your partner!

1) Own your kinks.

Realize that most fantasies, fetishes, and kinks are more normal than you think… then, get comfortable with that fact. If you are comfortable with your desires, your partner will be more comfortable with your desires. It’s that simple. If you pitch the idea as something out of the ordinary, it only serves to make things awkward. So, own your kink. Do not be ashamed of it.

2) Make sure your partner knows this is special for you.

Sharing a secret with someone implies trust. So, when sharing a kink, make sure you let your partner know that is it because you TRUST them with this special information. Emphasize that this is a desire you want to share only with them, that it is because you find them desirable and special. And, to further the point, make sure your partner knows that by fulfilling your desires, they become irresistible to you.

3) Show your partner examples.

This helps confirm that your kink is, in fact, fairly normal. Anal, foot fetishes, spanking, bondage, dom/sub, squirting… Yep, all pretty routine kinks. And for just about any kink, you can find a video, blog, and/or article explaining, demonstrating, or praising it. But, don’t just spring this information on them. Set aside a time to explore the kink together. Once you’ve opened up the topic, simply ask your partner if they would be open to watching a video or reading an article on the subject. If they say “yes”, give them time and space to explore the idea.

4) Don’t bring out the big guns first.

Go slow. Start small. Ease them into it. Don’t show up with a whip and a leather mask just yet… Pick something in your kink that’s not intimidating and work your way up. The more comfortable your partner gets with the kink, the more you can introduce. Plus, if you allow someone to go at their own pace, you increase the likelihood of them saying “yes” to something you want to try.

5) And finally… COMMUNICATE!

Whatever your kinks, fetishes, fantasies, or desires are, don’t hold them back from your partner. Being sexually unsatisfied isn’t fun for anyone.  So, talk about what you want… I firmly believe that with patience, communication, and respect, partners can satisfy each others desires, no matter how varied they may be!

A nurse, a cop, and a maid walk into a bar…

Let me set the scene… My lover and I are having lunch. I am getting very animated and excited about an idea I have for the bedroom. It’s a scenario I’d like to play out. He listens intently. Then, my lover begins laughing heartily and says, “Let me imitate you… ‘I want to role play tonight, and these are top 5 ideas!’ You’re going to give me multiple personality disorder at this rate, honey!”

Now, let me explain… One of my favorite things to do to spice up the mood during sex is role playing. I love it, absolutely love it. Why? It adds excitement, mystery, and fun. With role play, your inhibitions can disappear. You’re not you anymore. You don’t have to be confined to yourself. THAT makes sex friskier and more fun! It’s also empowering because it puts YOU in control of your sexuality and your sexual experience. Not to mention, it keeps things from becoming stale between you and your partner. Plus, role playing sex allows you to enact your fantasies, without straying. And, it increases the anticipation for sex by creating the scene for a slow build-up.

Another fun part of role playing? You get to dress up! If you raided my closet, you’d find a huge assortment of wigs, in all sorts of colors and styles. I also have tons of costumes – school girl, hot pink scrubs for the doctor, border patrol guard, cop, French maid, Elvis, bar maid, waitress, Minnie Mouse, pin-ups of all kinds, the dominatrix, nurse, sailor, firefighter… even pants, a shirt, and tie for a little cross-dressing! And of course, it doesn’t help that I work for a sex shop. We have the cutest, sexiest assortments of costumes – from bedroom only outfits, to those suitable for a Halloween party. So, I’m like a kid in candy store!

Want to give role playing a try? Here are some great ideas to get you started:

BAD COP – make your lover a sexy prisoner for the night!
OBEDIENT ROBOT – program your robot to do exactly as you say!
HOT HANDYMAN – you’ve got the tools to get the job done right!
THE STRANGER – meet at a bar & be each other’s one night stand!
THE COED & PROFESSOR – what will you do to make an “A”?
THE CASTING CALL – audition your lover for a homemade movie!
THE NAUGHTY NURSE – give your patient a sexy sponge bath!
THE STRIPPER – get out the “fuck me” heels and thong, and then give your regular a lap dance!
THE MASSEUSE – grab the warm oil and get touchy-feely!
THE FRENCH MAID – feather dust your partner and play at housekeeping!
THE PHOTOGRAPHER & MODEL – grab a camera and snap some racy photos!
THE CAR SALESMAN – show them what’s under the hood, then hit the backseat for a test drive!
THE ROCK STAR – be a groupie and have fun backstage!

Need a costume? Check out our fantasy lingerie by DreamGirl, Leg Avenue, 7 Til Midnight & more!