sex tips for couples

The Worst Sex I’ve Ever Had…

Oh boy… I have had some amazing sex in my life. You don’t end up being a 40-year-old, single MILF who works for an adult company without having some tales to tell… I could tell you about the super hot anal I had on my lover’s back porch while we were grilling dinner. I could tell you about the midday, 2-hour, me-on-top tantric session we had in a hotel room. Realistically, I could write a book of erotica based on all the fun I’ve had.

But, that’s not what this blog is about. Despite the fact that I have had some epically erotic romps, I’ve also had some really terrible sex… roll your eyes, get it over with quick, laugh out loud when it’s done kinds of bad. I’m not here to bash any of my past lovers. I recognize that there is a learning curve when it comes to new partners. I know that sometimes it takes a while for two people to get comfortable enough to explore and communicate. And, I recognize that you have to take the good with the bad, that nothing is always perfect..  But what I want to do here is point out common mistakes men make when it comes to sex… and how to fix them.

Let’s take a roll call…

Mr. Selfish… These are the guys who ignore your cues. They are the ones who set a pace that doesn’t work for you. They are the ones who want oral, but don’t return the favor. And, they are the ones who finish first and don’t care whether you finish or not. Sigh… these are the lovers who get on my nerves the most. I know women need more attention to get turned on. I know we need more time to cum. But when you short-change us, you won’t be invited back.

Mr. Shove-It-In… These are the guys who skip foreplay and just want to get it on. Now, don’t get me wrong… Sometimes I am ready to go and want to skip foreplay, too. But, I’m talking about someone who never wants to warm you up. It’s like kissing, touching, or going down on you is beneath his status. These kinds of lovers can be low-maintenance and good for hot quickies. But, otherwise, they lack flare

Mr. Vanilla… These are the guys who are intimidated by female pleasure. They don’t want to use toys and explore your sexuality. They like it missionary and are afraid to try anything different. They will get offended if you ask for anything outside of their comfort zone. In other words, they are prudes. I had sex with a Mr. Vanilla once… ONCE. I scared him off! LOL!

Mr. Clueless… These are the guys that don’t know what a clitoris is and have no understanding of how to make a woman orgasm. You think I am joking… But, there are lots of men who really don’t understand female anatomy. Fortunately, I’ve avoided these guys all together.

Mr. Rub It Off… These are the guys that think fast and furious is the way to handle a clitoris. Do you know how many men have tried to rub my clit completely off? LOTS! Ease up fellas!

And here are my FIX-IT TIPS:

  • Ask your partner upfront what she needs in order to orgasm. Spend a little time experimenting with her. Listen without letting your feelings get hurt and follow her lead.
  • Spend time and energy on foreplay. Stroke her with your fingers. Pleasure her with your tongue. And if you know you’re going to finish first during intercourse, make sure she cums during foreplay!
  • During sex, pay attention to her cues. If she sounds like she is faking it, she probably is. Stop whatever it is you’re doing and try something else. Or simply whisper a sexy, “what do you want me to do to you, baby?” I promise you she will tell you exactly what she wants.
  • If you cum and she still hasn’t had a chance, let her know you want to please her once you recover. Hold, kiss, and stroke her. Tease her with your fingers or lips. Then, when you’re ready, ask her again “what do you want me to do to you, baby?” Be open to whatever she says she needs.
  • Get to know the female body. The more you know, the happier you can make her. The 2 most important things are the clitoris and the g-spot. Now granted, women have many erogenous zones. However, these are the 2 most common ones that help a woman achieve orgasm. What to educate yourself? Ask your partner questions. Read our blog. Talk to a female friend you feel comfortable with. Or, come into the store. We’ll be happy to educate you!
  • Women are not all wired the same. Each of your partners may need different things. So talk about it upfront!
  • Don’t be afraid to experiment. Be excited that your partner wants to have sex with you and explore with you. If she wants to use a toy, it doesn’t mean she’s trying to replace you.

Sex should be pleasurable for both parties! If it’s not, there is a problem. Don’t be one of the chumps above!

 

Fun Things to Do with Lube!

Check out our extensive selection of System Jo lubes!

Check out our extensive selection of System Jo lubes!

Lube is always a great addition to your sex life. It can be used to enhance the pleasurable sensations of sex and masturbation. Lube can also aid with vaginal dryness or discomfort. Plus, it can provide flavor during oral sex, which also increases salivation. And when used with condoms, lube increases pleasure for both partners and decreases the risk of condom breakage. Want to know more? Read here to discover all the fun you can have with lube!

  • Spread a warming lube like Wet’s Warming Gel on his balls. Then, give him oral while lightly massaging his balls.
  • Slip a few drops of lube inside his condom before he slips it on. The added sensation will feel amazing for him.
  • Slick up any of your sex toys or vibes with a water-based lube like Pjur’s Woman Aqua Gel. Then, hand the toy over to your partner to use on you!
  • Put a few drops of warming lube on your hands. Then, give him a slick hand job he’ll never forget.
  • Drop some warming lube into a masturbator like a Climax Gem Stroker. Then give him a life-like masturbation experience!
  • Spread a strawberry-flavored lube on his cock and lick it like a lollipop. Try Sex Tart’s Strawberry Punch lube for a true candy taste!
  • Slick lube on your boobs. Then, slide your boobs up and down his back for a super hot massage!
  • Spread warming lube between your ta-tas. Then, gently guide his penis in and out of your cleavage.
  • Give each other a sexy back massage using a few drops of a massage glide such as System Jo’s Warming Massage Glide. Glides are an all-in-one lube that act as a massage oil AND personal lubricant!
  • While you go down on him, lube up your thumb and use it to massage the spot between his balls and rectum.
  • Drizzle a flavored lube on your labia and clitoris and have your partner lick it off while trying to guess the flavor.
  • Spread cooling lube like System Jo’s H2O Cooling lube on your fingers. Then, use them to massage each others nipples. You can also blow on them for an added sensation!
  • Tell your partner they can only use their hands on you. Spread a few drops of lube on their hands and let them go at it.
  • Lay a towel down on your bed. Then, cover your bodies in a silicone lube such as Liquid Sex Silicone. Finally, enjoy the erotic sensation of sliding up and down each other’s bodies while you get it on.
  • Keep a small bottle of lube hidden behind the shampoo for spontaneous wet fun! We suggest Sex in the Shower Lube, which is specially formulated for sex in water!

Got a fun idea to share? Let us know!

Need lube? Check out our extensive selection online – flavored, organic, silicone, water-based, hybrid, glides, anal formulas, numbing, and much, much more! Shop here: The RedDoor Lotions & Potions!

The Best Sex Advice You’ll Ever Get…

Being in this business, I get asked a lot of questions. People ask me advice on everything – from which lubes to buy to how to dominate your partner. In my discussions with customers, I tend to offer a lot of unsolicited advice as well. See, my job is not just to sell you a dildo or a blow-up doll for your bachelor party. My job also requires me to be a sex therapist of sorts. So, I give a lot of input on how to make your sex life better, whether you want the advice or not! Here’s some of the wisdom I have dropped over time…

MY ADVICE FOR WOMEN (Men, you should read this, too!):

1. Never fake an orgasm. Never. You are not doing yourself any favors by faking it. Your partner will never learn how to please you if you are constantly pretending to orgasm!

2. And on that note… Don’t pretend to like something you don’t. If you do not like what your partner is doing, do not pretend to enjoy it. Instead tell your lover what you DO like, or what would feel better instead.

3. To drive my point home, communicate. Very few people in the world are psychic. No one can read your mind. So, talk to your partner. Tell them what makes you feel good, what you like, what you want to try, what your boundaries are, what turns you off.

4. Accept that most orgasms require clitoral stimulation… and time. Once you accept this, work with your partner on how YOU want to achieve orgasm – manually, orally, with a toy, or combining hands/toys/intercourse.

5. Don’t be scared to try anal. Even the smallest plug can add great pleasure – for women and MEN! If your lover is a man and wants to try prostate stimulation, don’t freak out! Female and male rectum both have erogenous nerve endings that can provide a ton of stimulation. Want to learn more? Read here.

6. Buy lube and use it. You may be the wettest of the wet, but you still need lube. Lube enhances manual play by minimizing friction. Same rule applies to toys. You always want to use a good lube with your toys to minimize friction and irritation. And, if you do try anal, using lots of lube greatly reduces the potential for discomfort.

7. Be adventurous. It’s ok to try new things. Don’t be scared of the things your partner wants to try. They are asking YOU to try it. They want to do it with YOU. Take that as a sign that they ENJOY having sex with you, and feel comfortable enough to share their fantasies.

8. Always, ALWAYS use protection with someone you don’t know. People lie. End of story. Nothing ruins a hot one-night-stand like a case of herpes. No amount of sex is worth risking your health! Practice safe sex until you both have been tested.

 

MY ADVICE FOR MEN:

1. See #1 through # 8 above. All of that applies to you, too!!!

2. Slow down. Sex should not be a race to orgasm. Sex should be about finding mutual satisfaction with your lover. I know this may sound like a radical idea, but it’s true. Slow down and make sure your partner is enjoying themselves!

3. Don’t be offended when your partner tells you what they need. If someone is willing to communicate with you about sex, it means they still want to have sex with you AND make it better! Better sex is never a bad thing. Trust me.

 

And what’s the last piece of advice I have for you? Stay sexy, shop RedDoor.

 

 

 

Making a Sexy To-Do List…

I am pretty sure that I am not like most women… or men, for that matter, when it comes to sex. I think about sex a LOT! And yes, men probably think about sex as much as I do. But, I bet most of them don’t think of the in the way that I do. Most men just think about doing it. Period. I think about all the fun and creative things I can do during sex. I think about role play ideas. I think about different positions for sex, or places to have sex. Basically, I am often making a mental to-do list for my sex life.

And honestly, you should be making one, too…

Why? For one thing, it’s fun! Thinking about your sexy to-do list is certainly more fun than thinking about the chores you need to do this evening. Also, it’s a form of daydreaming… and daydreaming helps to relieve stress and boredom. But most of all, it gives you a powerful tool for maintaining a healthy love-life…. VARIETY! Variety in your love-life keeps you connected, excited, and coming back for more. So, make a sexy to-do list. Put anything and everything you’ve been dying to try on the list.

But, what do you do with the list once you’ve made it? First, tell you partner you’ve got all these fun ideas for your love-life. Get them on board with making their own list. Then, share your lists with one another. In fact, make it a date! Decide on a mutual to-do list, one you both can agree on with things from each persons list. Next, jot the to-do items on slips of paper. Keep the slips of paper in a box or jar by the bed. Every now and then, take turns pulling an item out of the jar and start crossing things off your list!

Need ideas? Here are a few of the items on my sexy to-do list…

  • Sex in a hot tub – It’s been a while since I’ve had the chance to fuck in a hot tub. And hot tubs are an awesome spot for girl-on-top sex!
  • Wear a wireless bullet in public – Surprisingly, I’ve never done this! I’ve had partners talk about it, but never commit to doing it!
  • Ride a face – Another one that I haven’t done in a while… but, oh so fun!
  • Be completely tied up – I’ve been partially restrained, but would love to be completely restrained… and then teased and fucked!
  • Use edible body paint – I’ve used this before. But, I had a new idea for it. I want my lover to paint my clit with it, then lick the paint off. Then I want my lover to repeat this pattern over… and over… and over again!
  • Have sex outside – I’ve done this plenty! But it’s been too cold. And now that the weather is warmer…
  • Use my We-Vibe 4 – I just got one recently and need to break it in! I want to use it for double penetration, ASAP!
  • Dress up for my partner – Yes, dress up! I want to put on heels, stockings and garters, a sexy bra and panty set, and a sexy dress. I want him to know what’s under the dress, take me to dinner, and have to wait to reap the rewards!
  • Use an accommodator – This is a chin-strap with a dong attached to it. Oh boy, would this be fun with a face ride!
  • Role play for my partner – I want to know what his fantasy is, and then act it out for him.
  • Buy a piece of sex furniture – I am dying for a piece of Liberator sex furniture! It would be awesome to have one!!
  • Shop for new toys and/or lingerie with my partner – It’s more fun to pick it out together.

The Joys of Reverse Cowgirl

Oh boy, do I love sex! It’s my favorite thing to do with someone I like or love. Forget movies, dinner, shows, jewelry… Instead, spend a day in bed with me, pleasing me and making me cum. I never get bored with sex. I am always trying new toys, new role plays, new tips or tricks, new games, and new positions. But, there is one thing I go back to time and time again… REVERSE COWGIRL.

Reverse Cowgirl is hands-down my favorite position for sex – for both vaginal and anal. I love being on top and being in control. So, here’s a quick primer on the position and why I love it so much!

Why Reverse Cowgirl?

  • In my opinion, it’s much easier to straddle him this way. It’s because his hips support you instead of pushing you forward.
  • You’re in control, so you can do whatever feels best for you. You control the speed, the penetration, and the motion!
  • You have easier access to your clitoris. So stroke yourself or use a toy, which won’t be in the way!
  • You can play with his testicles as you grind him.
  • If you lean back a little, it’ll really stimulate your g-spot.
  • Men are visual creatures. So, he gets an amazing view of your ass and can see himself sliding in and out.
  • He has easier access to your ass, and can slip a finger in for extra stimulation.
  • For anal, this position allows you to be in control of insertion rate and penetration depth.

The Basic Reverse Cowgirl: Have your guy lie on his back and, facing his feet, straddle him with your knees on either side of his hips.

reverse_cowgirl

Variation 1: Slide your legs under his, so that his legs are resting on your calves. In my opinion, this creates a tighter sensation for him, and makes it easier to move in an up and down motion.

Variation 2: Do it scissor style… In other words, swing one leg over his and keep the other in between his legs. This makes it so that you are straddling one of his legs, not both. In the scissor version of this position, you can grind your clit against his leg. This variation also seems to allow for greater penetration.

Variation 3: If it’s more comfortable, simply squat on him with your feet flat on the bed. This also creates a tighter sensation for him, and makes it easier to creating a grinding or rotating motion.

Want to spice things up even more? Try these tips…

  • Use a bullet to stroke your clit as you rock back and forth. I suggest the We Vibe Tango. This small vibe is compact yet incredibly powerful and satisfying. It’ll make any cowgirl holler “YAHOO!”
  • Slip in a vibrating butt plug. You’ll have that intense full feeling for a stronger orgasm. He’ll feel the vibration on his shaft. I suggest the Party Girl Plug, or any one of our other vibrating plugs.
  • Have him slide a slim pair of anal beads in and out of your ass as you ride him. I suggest Shane’s World Beads with a handy retrieval ring. The ring allows him to push and pull the beads with ease… and pleasure!
  •  Like nipple stimulation? Use vibrating nipple clamps for hands-free pleasure while you are on top!

Body Worship 101

About a month ago, I met someone who confided in me that they LOVE to have their balls worshipped. I asked him what he meant, what exactly he expected someone to do in order to worship his balls. He basically said he likes to have his balls stroked, licked, kissed, and squeezed as much as possible. You may be thinking, “that’s not all that unusual.” But, it’s not so much the acts, as it is the frequency and intensity by which he desired it. To him, the ball worship alone could satisfy his desires. He didn’t just want in the context of foreplay and sex. He wanted it as a stand alone act, something sustained and intense. He wanted his balls to be someone else’s complete focus. As someone who tends to lean towards the submissive side, this really got my wheels turning…

Without knowing it, I had just had my first experience with body worship…

So, what is “body worship”? According to Wikipedia, body worship is “any practice of physically reverencing a part of another person’s body, and is usually done as a submissive act in the context of BDSM.” Typical kinds of body worship include worship of the testicles, muscles, penis, vagina, or bottom. But body worship could be the complete reverence and care of any body part that you find particularly beautiful or arousing on your partner. Or, maybe it’s an extremely sensitive part of your partner’s body, such as the neck, feet, and palms of the hands.

For those in the BDSM community, you may already be familiar with the concept and practice of body worship. But, for the average Dick or Jane, you may be asking: “How can I do this in my own relationship?” As always, what works for some may not work for others. But, here are some things to get you started in body worship…

Talk to your partner… Ask your partner what areas of their body they LOVE for you to touch. This could be an erogenous zone, or simply a part of their body they enjoy having touched. For example, I do love having my clit or nipples stroked. But, my neck and the small of my back also happy to places that bring me lots of joy.

Spend some time on that spot… Once you find out where your partner would like to be worshipped, spend some time caring for that spot. Have your partner stand or lay down in front of you. Take your time admiring its beauty. Compliment your partner. Softly touch, kiss, and lick the area. Clean, massage, or moisturize that spot. Make it your complete focus for as long as your partner would like.

Need ides? Here are some spots to get you started and ideas for worshipping them…

The Back – Wash your partner’s back in the shower. Then, help them dry off. Once they are lounging on the bed, run your fingers gently up and down your partner’s back. Kiss them from the tips of the spine to the base of the neck. Grab an edible massage cream and give them a light massage. Then, lick and kiss off the cream.

The Feet – Wash your partner’s feet in a warm bath. Scrub them with an exfoliating wash, really massaging them as you go along. Then, dry them off. Have your partner sit in a chair with you at their feet. Kiss the tops and soles of their feet. Then, kiss the pads of each toe. Grab an edible massage cream and give them a light massage. Then, lick and kiss off the oil. If your partner likes it, suck the cream off their toes!

The Neck, Arms, Legs – Steal ideas from the back and feet!!

The Penis – Begin by admiring your partner’s penis. Tell him how much you love having it inside you. Describe how it feels to you when he’s thrusting away. As you talk, gently take his penis in your hands and lightly stroke it. Use a lubricant to give him a slow, meaningful hand-job. Take your time and don’t rush it. As you stroke, stop to kiss, lick, and gently suck his penis. Tell him how powerful and big he feels in your hands. Make it all about how wonderful his penis is, and about his ultimate pleasure.

The Clitoris/Labia – Begin by admiring your partner’s pussy. Tell her how beautiful it is. Describe how it feels inside, how it tastes. As you talk, gently open her lips and lightly stroke her. Use a lubricant for extra sensation. Take your time and don’t rush it. As you stroke, stop to kiss, lick, and gently suck on her lips and clit. Tell her how soft and silky she feels in your hands, how sweet she smells. If stroking is not enough, lap your tongue softly and slowly against her. The key is to go slow and to focus on the whole area, kissing and nibbling her clit and the surrounding areas. Make it all about how wonderful her pussy is, and about her ultimate pleasure.

The Bottom – Take cues from all of the areas above. And, ask your partner what their limits are! Some men and women may only like external worship such as massaging and stroking. Some men and women may be more adventurous, enjoying penetration with fingers and tongues, or licking and kissing around the anus.

In the end, this is about serving your partner and making them your entire focus. It does not need to be an act of foreplay that leads to sex. It can purely be an act of intimacy, a way to connect with each other on a deeper level. The best body worship leaves your partner feeling amazing and extraordinarily loved and special!

How to get your girl to swallow!

It’s the age-old question – do you spit or swallow? It’s on every guy’s mind. It’s the one thing they need to know before considering having sex with you. The answer could easily sway their opinion of you. Swallow? You could be his dream girl. Spit? He’s on the fence for sure!

I swallow. I know… it’s a radical idea. A girl that swallows?! Say what?! Well apparently, less than 30% of women swallow. I had no idea I was so special. I’ve been single a while and the question comes up from time to time in conversation. When I tell a guy that I swallow, this little light bulb goes off above their head. Or, they get a wicked gleam in their eyes. I can see the hamster wheel spinning… I can hear their internal voice whisper, “this girl is a keeper!”

Well, fellas… Have you ever thought about WHY I might be so rare? Why is it that so few women want to swallow your junk? A lot of it has to do with how you treat her and how you taste. It’s really as simple as that. So, stay tuned, and read away… If you follow these simple steps, your girl might be more likely to swallow!

1. RECIPROCATE – That’s right… reciprocate. If you are not willing to go down on your girl, then why should she be willing to take a load of your cum? So, if you want your girl to be more receptive to oral, give her more oral. She’ll be more likely to please you, if she is being pleased.

2. CLEAN YOURSELF – Make sure your parts are fresh and clean. A pair of sweaty balls is not the most appetizing thing in the world. Shower or freshen up before foreplay. Even a quick wipe down with a warm washcloth can go a long way. All sweaty and gross? Skip foreplay altogether!

3. EAT RIGHT – Eating kiwi, plums, blueberries, cranberries, watermelon, pineapple, and celery will lighten the taste of your cum. Beer and coffee will make your cum taste bitter. Dairy products can produce putrid tastes. So, watch what you eat! Sweeter cum is easier to swallow. Just sayin’!

4. SWEETEN THE DEAL – Cum can be hard to swallow. It’s thick and pasty. It doesn’t exactly taste great. So, sweeten the experience for her. Incorporate sweet foods like chocolate covered strawberries or champagne. After she swallows, feed her a bite of the berry and a sip of the bubbly! It’ll wash away the taste, and it’ll be romantic!

At the end of the night, whether she swallows is not a measure of how much she enjoys being with you, or her worth as a partner. If your girl simply can not swallow, don’t pressure her. And don’t be offended! Find other ways to enjoy the blowjob. You could always, pull out and cum on her chest. That’s got to be just as hot, right?! Give my advice a shot. But, if you’re load is still too much to swallow, don’t worry! You’re still getting a blowjob. Beggars can’t be choosers!

The Secrets to a Great Sex Life…

Things just haven’t worked out for me the way I imagined they would in the romance department. So, I am single and spend a fair amount of time thinking about what I do and don’t want out of a partner. Sex is a very important part of who I am. So that means I want and need a partner that I am extremely attracted to, passionate about, and sexually compatible with in. And so for me, a huge part of a successful relationship would include a great sex life.

So, what are the things that make up a great sex life? I’ve given this a lot of thought and here’s my list:

1. COMMUNICATION –  If you can’t talk about sex, I don’t think you can have a decent sex life! You should be able to tell your partner what you like and don’t like. If you need something more, you should be able to share your needs with your partner. If you want to explore something new, you should be able to share your desires. All of these things won’t happen if the communication is bad in your relationship. So, you need to feel comfortable being able to talk openly and honestly about your sex life! But beyond that, you need to be able to speak the language of sex. If you are afraid to say penis, vagina, clitoris, foreplay, etc., how are you going to ever explain what feels good to you?

2. FOREPLAY – Working each other up into a frenzy can go a long way in creating a great sex life. For starters, it gets the blood flowing in your erogenous zones. This will increase stimulation during actual intercourse. Also, for women, prolonged foreplay is often the only way they achieve orgasm, either through oral sex or manual stimulation. And a happy woman is more likely to make sure her partner is happy. But, when I talk about foreplay, I am not just talking about kissing, fondling, and oral sex. I am also talking about sending each other sexy text messages, taking hot showers together, giving each other massages, holding hands in public, whispering in each others ears, and so much more. Foreplay is anything that keeps you connected and makes you WANT sex.

3. VARIETY – Variety is supposedly the “spice of life”. But, it also the biggest ingredient to an awesome sex life! If you vow to mix things up from time to time, to try new things and keep things fresh, you’ll never get bored with each other. Experiment with new positions, buy new lingerie, have sex in a different room of the house, role play, try new toys or lubes… just do anything you can to make things interesting, as often as you can! Even small changes can increase the passion in your sex life!

So speak up, spend time on each other, and mix things up! Even spending a little extra time doing these three things could add up to more fulfilling, engaging, and passionate sex.