The Worst Sex I’ve Ever Had…

Oh boy… I have had some amazing sex in my life. You don’t end up being a 40-year-old, single MILF who works for an adult company without having some tales to tell… I could tell you about the super hot anal I had on my lover’s back porch while we were grilling dinner. I could tell you about the midday, 2-hour, me-on-top tantric session we had in a hotel room. Realistically, I could write a book of erotica based on all the fun I’ve had.

But, that’s not what this blog is about. Despite the fact that I have had some epically erotic romps, I’ve also had some really terrible sex… roll your eyes, get it over with quick, laugh out loud when it’s done kinds of bad. I’m not here to bash any of my past lovers. I recognize that there is a learning curve when it comes to new partners. I know that sometimes it takes a while for two people to get comfortable enough to explore and communicate. And, I recognize that you have to take the good with the bad, that nothing is always perfect..  But what I want to do here is point out common mistakes men make when it comes to sex… and how to fix them.

Let’s take a roll call…

Mr. Selfish… These are the guys who ignore your cues. They are the ones who set a pace that doesn’t work for you. They are the ones who want oral, but don’t return the favor. And, they are the ones who finish first and don’t care whether you finish or not. Sigh… these are the lovers who get on my nerves the most. I know women need more attention to get turned on. I know we need more time to cum. But when you short-change us, you won’t be invited back.

Mr. Shove-It-In… These are the guys who skip foreplay and just want to get it on. Now, don’t get me wrong… Sometimes I am ready to go and want to skip foreplay, too. But, I’m talking about someone who never wants to warm you up. It’s like kissing, touching, or going down on you is beneath his status. These kinds of lovers can be low-maintenance and good for hot quickies. But, otherwise, they lack flare

Mr. Vanilla… These are the guys who are intimidated by female pleasure. They don’t want to use toys and explore your sexuality. They like it missionary and are afraid to try anything different. They will get offended if you ask for anything outside of their comfort zone. In other words, they are prudes. I had sex with a Mr. Vanilla once… ONCE. I scared him off! LOL!

Mr. Clueless… These are the guys that don’t know what a clitoris is and have no understanding of how to make a woman orgasm. You think I am joking… But, there are lots of men who really don’t understand female anatomy. Fortunately, I’ve avoided these guys all together.

Mr. Rub It Off… These are the guys that think fast and furious is the way to handle a clitoris. Do you know how many men have tried to rub my clit completely off? LOTS! Ease up fellas!

And here are my FIX-IT TIPS:

• Ask your partner upfront what she needs in order to orgasm. Spend a little time experimenting with her. Listen without letting your feelings get hurt and follow her lead.
• Spend time and energy on foreplay. Stroke her with your fingers. Pleasure her with your tongue. And if you know you’re going to finish first during intercourse, make sure she cums during foreplay!
• During sex, pay attention to her cues. If she sounds like she is faking it, she probably is. Stop whatever it is you’re doing and try something else. Or simply whisper a sexy, “what do you want me to do to you, baby?” I promise you she will tell you exactly what she wants.
• If you cum and she still hasn’t had a chance, let her know you want to please her once you recover. Hold, kiss, and stroke her. Tease her with your fingers or lips. Then, when you’re ready, ask her again “what do you want me to do to you, baby?” Be open to whatever she says she needs.
• Get to know the female body. The more you know, the happier you can make her. The 2 most important things are the clitoris and the g-spot. Now granted, women have many erogenous zones. However, these are the 2 most common ones that help a woman achieve orgasm. What to educate yourself? Ask your partner questions. Read our blog. Talk to a female friend you feel comfortable with. Or, come into the store. We’ll be happy to educate you!
• Women are not all wired the same. Each of your partners may need different things. So talk about it upfront!
• Don’t be afraid to experiment. Be excited that your partner wants to have sex with you and explore with you. If she wants to use a toy, it doesn’t mean she’s trying to replace you.

Sex should be pleasurable for both parties! If it’s not, there is a problem. Don’t be one of the chumps above!

 

The Best Sex Advice You’ll Ever Get…

Being in this business, I get asked a lot of questions. People ask me advice on everything – from which lubes to buy to how to dominate your partner. In my discussions with customers, I tend to offer a lot of unsolicited advice as well. See, my job is not just to sell you a dildo or a blow-up doll for your bachelor party. My job also requires me to be a sex therapist of sorts. So, I give a lot of input on how to make your sex life better, whether you want the advice or not! Here’s some of the wisdom I have dropped over time…

MY ADVICE FOR WOMEN (Men, you should read this, too!):

1. Never fake an orgasm. Never. You are not doing yourself any favors by faking it. Your partner will never learn how to please you if you are constantly pretending to orgasm!

2. And on that note… Don’t pretend to like something you don’t. If you do not like what your partner is doing, do not pretend to enjoy it. Instead tell your lover what you DO like, or what would feel better instead.

3. To drive my point home, communicate. Very few people in the world are psychic. No one can read your mind. So, talk to your partner. Tell them what makes you feel good, what you like, what you want to try, what your boundaries are, what turns you off.

4. Accept that most orgasms require clitoral stimulation… and time. Once you accept this, work with your partner on how YOU want to achieve orgasm – manually, orally, with a toy, or combining hands/toys/intercourse.

5. Don’t be scared to try anal. Even the smallest plug can add great pleasure – for women and MEN! If your lover is a man and wants to try prostate stimulation, don’t freak out! Female and male rectum both have erogenous nerve endings that can provide a ton of stimulation. Want to learn more? Read here.

6. Buy lube and use it. You may be the wettest of the wet, but you still need lube. Lube enhances manual play by minimizing friction. Same rule applies to toys. You always want to use a good lube with your toys to minimize friction and irritation. And, if you do try anal, using lots of lube greatly reduces the potential for discomfort.

7. Be adventurous. It’s ok to try new things. Don’t be scared of the things your partner wants to try. They are asking YOU to try it. They want to do it with YOU. Take that as a sign that they ENJOY having sex with you, and feel comfortable enough to share their fantasies.

8. Always, ALWAYS use protection with someone you don’t know. People lie. End of story. Nothing ruins a hot one-night-stand like a case of herpes. No amount of sex is worth risking your health! Practice safe sex until you both have been tested.

 

MY ADVICE FOR MEN:

1. See #1 through # 8 above. All of that applies to you, too!!!

2. Slow down. Sex should not be a race to orgasm. Sex should be about finding mutual satisfaction with your lover. I know this may sound like a radical idea, but it’s true. Slow down and make sure your partner is enjoying themselves!

3. Don’t be offended when your partner tells you what they need. If someone is willing to communicate with you about sex, it means they still want to have sex with you AND make it better! Better sex is never a bad thing. Trust me.

 

And what’s the last piece of advice I have for you? Stay sexy, shop RedDoor.

 

 

 

The Joys of Reverse Cowgirl

Oh boy, do I love sex! It’s my favorite thing to do with someone I like or love. Forget movies, dinner, shows, jewelry… Instead, spend a day in bed with me, pleasing me and making me cum. I never get bored with sex. I am always trying new toys, new role plays, new tips or tricks, new games, and new positions. But, there is one thing I go back to time and time again… REVERSE COWGIRL.

Reverse Cowgirl is hands-down my favorite position for sex – for both vaginal and anal. I love being on top and being in control. So, here’s a quick primer on the position and why I love it so much!

Why Reverse Cowgirl?

• In my opinion, it’s much easier to straddle him this way. It’s because his hips support you instead of pushing you forward.
• You’re in control, so you can do whatever feels best for you. You control the speed, the penetration, and the motion!
• You have easier access to your clitoris. So stroke yourself or use a toy, which won’t be in the way!
• You can play with his testicles as you grind him.
• If you lean back a little, it’ll really stimulate your g-spot.
• Men are visual creatures. So, he gets an amazing view of your ass and can see himself sliding in and out.
• He has easier access to your ass, and can slip a finger in for extra stimulation.
• For anal, this position allows you to be in control of insertion rate and penetration depth.

The Basic Reverse Cowgirl: Have your guy lie on his back and, facing his feet, straddle him with your knees on either side of his hips.

Variation 1: Slide your legs under his, so that his legs are resting on your calves. In my opinion, this creates a tighter sensation for him, and makes it easier to move in an up and down motion.

Variation 2: Do it scissor style… In other words, swing one leg over his and keep the other in between his legs. This makes it so that you are straddling one of his legs, not both. In the scissor version of this position, you can grind your clit against his leg. This variation also seems to allow for greater penetration.

Variation 3: If it’s more comfortable, simply squat on him with your feet flat on the bed. This also creates a tighter sensation for him, and makes it easier to creating a grinding or rotating motion.

Want to spice things up even more? Try these tips…

• Use a bullet to stroke your clit as you rock back and forth. I suggest the We Vibe Tango. This small vibe is compact yet incredibly powerful and satisfying. It’ll make any cowgirl holler “YAHOO!”
• Slip in a vibrating butt plug. You’ll have that intense full feeling for a stronger orgasm. He’ll feel the vibration on his shaft. I suggest the Party Girl Plug, or any one of our other vibrating plugs.
• Have him slide a slim pair of anal beads in and out of your ass as you ride him. I suggest Shane’s World Beads with a handy retrieval ring. The ring allows him to push and pull the beads with ease… and pleasure!
•  Like nipple stimulation? Use vibrating nipple clamps for hands-free pleasure while you are on top!