Hello, Kinky: How to Introduce a Fetish or Kink!

I am not what you would call “vanilla.” I like to do things in the bedroom that most people would consider adventurous. I often find myself holding back on my desires when I first meet someone. It’s because letting down your guard can be hard, especially when it comes to your deepest desires. So, expressing those desires to a new partner can be a little scary. Will they laugh at you? Will they slap you? Will they run off? Maybe…

But, perhaps they may get excited and entertain the idea of enjoying those desires with you. Maybe they’ve had those same desires all along. Let’s face it… almost EVERYONE has some type of kink, fetish, and at minimum, fantasy. We all have something that we think others won’t do, or may think is weird. Opening up to each other shouldn’t be so scary. It should and can be a fun process of discovery!

So, here are some tips on how to share your kinks, fetishes, fantasies, and other twists with your partner!

1) Own your kinks.

Realize that most fantasies, fetishes, and kinks are more normal than you think… then, get comfortable with that fact. If you are comfortable with your desires, your partner will be more comfortable with your desires. It’s that simple. If you pitch the idea as something out of the ordinary, it only serves to make things awkward. So, own your kink. Do not be ashamed of it.

2) Make sure your partner knows this is special for you.

Sharing a secret with someone implies trust. So, when sharing a kink, make sure you let your partner know that is it because you TRUST them with this special information. Emphasize that this is a desire you want to share only with them, that it is because you find them desirable and special. And, to further the point, make sure your partner knows that by fulfilling your desires, they become irresistible to you.

3) Show your partner examples.

This helps confirm that your kink is, in fact, fairly normal. Anal, foot fetishes, spanking, bondage, dom/sub, squirting… Yep, all pretty routine kinks. And for just about any kink, you can find a video, blog, and/or article explaining, demonstrating, or praising it. But, don’t just spring this information on them. Set aside a time to explore the kink together. Once you’ve opened up the topic, simply ask your partner if they would be open to watching a video or reading an article on the subject. If they say “yes”, give them time and space to explore the idea.

4) Don’t bring out the big guns first.

Go slow. Start small. Ease them into it. Don’t show up with a whip and a leather mask just yet… Pick something in your kink that’s not intimidating and work your way up. The more comfortable your partner gets with the kink, the more you can introduce. Plus, if you allow someone to go at their own pace, you increase the likelihood of them saying “yes” to something you want to try.

5) And finally… COMMUNICATE!

Whatever your kinks, fetishes, fantasies, or desires are, don’t hold them back from your partner. Being sexually unsatisfied isn’t fun for anyone.  So, talk about what you want… I firmly believe that with patience, communication, and respect, partners can satisfy each others desires, no matter how varied they may be!

Body Worship 101

About a month ago, I met someone who confided in me that they LOVE to have their balls worshipped. I asked him what he meant, what exactly he expected someone to do in order to worship his balls. He basically said he likes to have his balls stroked, licked, kissed, and squeezed as much as possible. You may be thinking, “that’s not all that unusual.” But, it’s not so much the acts, as it is the frequency and intensity by which he desired it. To him, the ball worship alone could satisfy his desires. He didn’t just want in the context of foreplay and sex. He wanted it as a stand alone act, something sustained and intense. He wanted his balls to be someone else’s complete focus. As someone who tends to lean towards the submissive side, this really got my wheels turning…

Without knowing it, I had just had my first experience with body worship…

So, what is “body worship”? According to Wikipedia, body worship is “any practice of physically reverencing a part of another person’s body, and is usually done as a submissive act in the context of BDSM.” Typical kinds of body worship include worship of the testicles, muscles, penis, vagina, or bottom. But body worship could be the complete reverence and care of any body part that you find particularly beautiful or arousing on your partner. Or, maybe it’s an extremely sensitive part of your partner’s body, such as the neck, feet, and palms of the hands.

For those in the BDSM community, you may already be familiar with the concept and practice of body worship. But, for the average Dick or Jane, you may be asking: “How can I do this in my own relationship?” As always, what works for some may not work for others. But, here are some things to get you started in body worship…

Talk to your partner… Ask your partner what areas of their body they LOVE for you to touch. This could be an erogenous zone, or simply a part of their body they enjoy having touched. For example, I do love having my clit or nipples stroked. But, my neck and the small of my back also happy to places that bring me lots of joy.

Spend some time on that spot… Once you find out where your partner would like to be worshipped, spend some time caring for that spot. Have your partner stand or lay down in front of you. Take your time admiring its beauty. Compliment your partner. Softly touch, kiss, and lick the area. Clean, massage, or moisturize that spot. Make it your complete focus for as long as your partner would like.

Need ides? Here are some spots to get you started and ideas for worshipping them…

The Back – Wash your partner’s back in the shower. Then, help them dry off. Once they are lounging on the bed, run your fingers gently up and down your partner’s back. Kiss them from the tips of the spine to the base of the neck. Grab an edible massage cream and give them a light massage. Then, lick and kiss off the cream.

The Feet – Wash your partner’s feet in a warm bath. Scrub them with an exfoliating wash, really massaging them as you go along. Then, dry them off. Have your partner sit in a chair with you at their feet. Kiss the tops and soles of their feet. Then, kiss the pads of each toe. Grab an edible massage cream and give them a light massage. Then, lick and kiss off the oil. If your partner likes it, suck the cream off their toes!

The Neck, Arms, Legs – Steal ideas from the back and feet!!

The Penis – Begin by admiring your partner’s penis. Tell him how much you love having it inside you. Describe how it feels to you when he’s thrusting away. As you talk, gently take his penis in your hands and lightly stroke it. Use a lubricant to give him a slow, meaningful hand-job. Take your time and don’t rush it. As you stroke, stop to kiss, lick, and gently suck his penis. Tell him how powerful and big he feels in your hands. Make it all about how wonderful his penis is, and about his ultimate pleasure.

The Clitoris/Labia – Begin by admiring your partner’s pussy. Tell her how beautiful it is. Describe how it feels inside, how it tastes. As you talk, gently open her lips and lightly stroke her. Use a lubricant for extra sensation. Take your time and don’t rush it. As you stroke, stop to kiss, lick, and gently suck on her lips and clit. Tell her how soft and silky she feels in your hands, how sweet she smells. If stroking is not enough, lap your tongue softly and slowly against her. The key is to go slow and to focus on the whole area, kissing and nibbling her clit and the surrounding areas. Make it all about how wonderful her pussy is, and about her ultimate pleasure.

The Bottom – Take cues from all of the areas above. And, ask your partner what their limits are! Some men and women may only like external worship such as massaging and stroking. Some men and women may be more adventurous, enjoying penetration with fingers and tongues, or licking and kissing around the anus.

In the end, this is about serving your partner and making them your entire focus. It does not need to be an act of foreplay that leads to sex. It can purely be an act of intimacy, a way to connect with each other on a deeper level. The best body worship leaves your partner feeling amazing and extraordinarily loved and special!