Erotica

Sexy Tips for Long Distance Relationships

Are you in a long-distance relationship? Perhaps you’ve gone off to college. Or, maybe you’ve had to move for career or family reasons. Or maybe you’ve been in my shoes, where you’ve met someone amazing on a trip. No matter the circumstances, we all know how hard it can be to keep your love life alive when you can’t see your partner as much as you’d like. So, here are some tips for keeping things sexy in long-distance relationships!

1. Learn the art of phone sex and sexting… talking dirty to your partner through phone sex or sexting is a great way to keep the anticipation and passion alive. Describe things you would like to do with  your partner when you see them. Don’t know what to say? Grab some erotic literature and get your creative juices flowing. Or, simply read the erotica aloud to your partner.

2. Begin a sexy exchange of letters… In your letters, describe in detail what you would like your partner to do to you. Scent the paper with your signature perfume or cologne. Then, seal it with a kiss. Encourage your partner to write back with what they will do in return. Don’t like snail mail? Send the letters back and forth through email or social media.

3. Send sexy pictures or quick videos… Buy new lingerie and snap a pic. Send it with a tease, like “Can’t wait to wear this for you!” Fellas, snap a pic of your semi-erect cock in your boxer briefs with a tagline of “Can’t wait to finish with you!” Feeling more adventurous? Take a quick video of yourself stroking your clit or cock. Don’t finish. Just tease…

4. Have web-cam sex… Jump on your laptop’s web-cam or your iPad’s Face Time and perform for each other. Play a game of “I do, you do” or have your partner tell you exactly what they want to see.

5. Leave lust notes… When you are with  your partner, hide sexy notes or pictures for them to find after you leave.

6. Send erotic gifts… Let’s face it – there’s nothing like the real thing. But, if you’re in a long-distance relationship and want to stay monogamous, you may have to get creative. Fellas, send your gal a vibrator and include a note of what you would like her to do with it. Or schedule a time for her to use it for you via Skype or phone sex. Girls, send your guy a masturbator and include a naughty picture of yourself for him to help him imagine it’s you.

With commitment and creativity, plus lots of communication, you can maintain the flames in a long-distance relationship.

Why you should give the gift of sex…

sexy-christmas-santa-hatIt’s the Holiday season. You have a long list of things to do, gifts to get, and people to see. You may think you don’t have time for sex. Maybe you’re too stressed out to fool around. Perhaps the family is around, and you don’t want them all up in your business. But, you should make time for sex, whenever and wherever possible during the Holidays. Think about it… sex is about giving and receiving pleasure. So naturally, that makes sex the perfect gift – for yourself and your partner! Here’s why:

1. It’s free! That’s right… it doesn’t cost one red cent!
2. It’s a gift you can both enjoy, any time, all year-round.
3. It burns calories. And with all those Holiday meals, we all need to burn a few calories!
4. It doesn’t require a trip to the mall. No parking needed. No creepy Santas.
5. It spreads Holiday cheer and joy. Who isn’t happy after fucking?!
6. It’s more desirable than socks, fruit cakes, or gawdy sweaters. No one wants that shit!
7. It’s relaxing. All that Holiday stress will just melt away.
8. It’s many gifts in one – oral, vaginal, anal, hand-jobs, and more!
9. It’ll bring you closer together… more so than the double-Snuggie!
10. Orgasms. The end.

Happy Holidays from us to you! Stop by for great stocking stuffers and sexy gifts!
Visit us online at www.thereddoorstore.com!

The Case for Masturbation Over Casual Sex…

I don’t often post things from a serious perspective. But, I’ve got some things on my mind that I wanted to share… Just stick with me!

You may not know it from my thoughts and musings, but I am a monogamous, 30-something, single mom. I bet you never would’ve guessed that I would be posting blogs for a sex shop. But, I happen to know a LOT about sex because I’ve always had very adventurous partners. In fact, my friends always call me a “monogamous freak”. It fits. So, trust me when I post something. I know what I am talking about… usually… unless it’s like, bestiality or necrophilia or something… NOT MY THING!!!

I think I’ve made the point before that I am very selective about who I have sex with, due to being a monogamous, 30-something, single mom… (and well, there’s this post that explains some more things about me). I have to be careful – for my child’s sake. In my opinion, I have to stay healthy and whole in order to be a good parent. And therefore, I do not risk my physical or emotional well-being for sex’s sake. I’m not a prude. Don’t get me wrong – I have slipped up from time to time and  have had sex outside of a relationship. I just think it’s dangerous territory for me. So, I don’t do it. It’s never gone right. I end up disappointed because of the sex.

Why? Repeat after me… Sex is just a temporary physical act… It does not equal love. It does not make up for the things you lack in life. It only feels good while you’re doing it. And it can be downright disappointing physically and/or emotionally, if it’s not done right!

Sex feels good. Oh yes, it does! When your lover circles your pussy with his cock, then plunges in after what seems like forever, it feels like heaven on Earth. It’s like, the best thing EVER! And sex is good for you, too. It relaxes you. It has a bunch of proven health benefits, like headache and blood pressure reduction. Hell, it even burns calories!! Shit… forget your diet and have sex 4 times a day! You’ll look and feel awesome. But, I know that in order to feel good about my own sexual decisions, I have to feel good about the person I am being intimate with… When I don’t feel good about it, I always end up regretting it.

I bet you’re wondering at this point, “why is she even posting this? What a buzz kill!!” Right? I am writing this because I want you to remember you are a bar of gold. You are a valuable commodity. You’re body is your temple, and you do not want to disrespect your temple. Repeat after me… Sex is just a temporary physical act… STD’s can be forever. Dick-bag boyfriends, or crazy girlfriends, can cause permanent damage. Is that temporary feeling of ecstasy worth it? Sometimes, it might be worth it. Sometimes…

For all those other times, fuck yourself. Masturbate. Take care of your own business. Hell, I know there have been times where I WISH I had masturbated instead of hooking up, either because the sex was lame or the emotional impact was too draining. Listen to me!!! Liberate yourself by taking charge of your own sexual pleasure. Why?

  • Masturbation will put your needs first
  • Masturbation will never give you an STD
  • Masturbation will never cheat on you
  • Masturbation will always let you cum first
  • Masturbation will never lie to you
  • Masturbation will never hurt your feelings
  • Masturbation will never waste your time
  • Masturbation will never make promises it can’t keep

Need more reasons? Here’s scientific reasons to pass on the meaningless sex and stick with the self-pleasure:

  • Masturbation helps you sleep
  • Masturbation relieves cramps and stress
  • Masturbation has been shown to prevent prostate cancer and alleviate UTI’s
  • Masturbation boosts your immunity
  • Masturbation has been shown to improve your mood
  • Masturbation tones pelvic and anal muscles
  • Masturbation lowers Risk Of Type 2 Diabetes

So, skip the dick-bags and the crazy bitches from time to time. Instead, check out our selection of solo toys and make yourself happy!

For the boys – Click Here!  For the gals – Click Here!

 

We’re all freaks… By Danny Z

Do you know what’s a common thing I run into with my line of work? Almost immediately, when someone finds out that I work at a sex shop, they ask, “What is the freakiest thing you’ve sold or seen?”

It is a very interesting question. I’ll give you that! But, what may be “freaky” to me, may not be freaky to you…

Someone asked me the same exact question the other day, for the umpteenth time. But, it made me realize I no longer believe that there such thing as “freaky”. People do what they do – whether they are embarrassed about it or not. In fact, it is nothing to be ashamed of in the first place!

But it’s a sort of conundrum, if you think about it… We so open with our opinions and thoughts as a society. We criticize our government openly. We post incriminating photos on Facebook or Instagram. We post our family drama or bad mouth our workplaces on Facebook. But when it comes to sexual desires – we avoid being open and honest about them. It’s kind of disheartening that all of that stuff is not freaky, but quite normal… Yet, people are still afraid to talk about sex and will judge alternative preferences as freaky.

While I may have my own preferences, and you have yours, everyone has theirs own tastes in sex and should be allowed to – whatever their tastes may be! You like toys? Fine. Not into foreplay? Cool.  Like men, women, or both? Whatever. If you knew the amount of people who come into our, but can’t look me in the face, you would be amazed! BUT THEY SHOULDN’T HAVE TO BE EMBARRASSED! I don’t know why anyone is embarrassed about it. People have masturbated for YEARS. They are not the first person, certainly not the last. It also doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with them. It just says that you want to “spice things up”. And, well… everyone likes to have fun. I think we can agree on that.

There is no need for bashfulness when looking for an item – from a simple vibrator to something more extreme. In our store, we sell almost the exact same amount of both mild and wild! There is a demand for both, even if one might be more mainstream than the other. And, here is where it gets silly… Multiple times a day, I get whispered questions or concerns about something – anal, restraints, vibes, etc. It’s because people are scared for others to hear them… But what they don’t realize is that someone was in the store, right before they were, inquiring about the exact same products just moments before! How funny is that?

We’re not shy about our lives, except when it comes to sex… And it doesn’t have to be that way!

Here is just a list of a few things I think folks shouldn’t be so embarrassed about. Take a look! You may find that what you are afraid to try or ask about is actually quite common…

  • Anal sex… This is probably the most asked about topic in the store. Everyone is doing it, or wants to try it.
  • Prostate stimulation… A lot of men really enjoy prostate play. But, there is a stigma that it means you’re gay if you like it. FACT : You’re not a gay, unless you date/sleep with others of the same sex. FACT: The prostate is an a very sensitive erogenous area and can create intense orgasms when stimulated.
  • Porn… Porn is everywhere. Almost everyone has or is watching it. There’s nothing wrong with that.
  • Toys… Lots of people use toys. And, toys are additive to sex, not substitutions for it. Think of it like this… Ice cream is good on its own. But, it is better with sprinkles! So, adding toys to the mix doesn’t make you a freak.
  • Enhancements… Be it pills, creams, delay gels, or extensions, it’s ok if you need to supplement your sex life! We can’t all be porn stars. We’re busy, tired humans, and sometimes we need a little help.

So, be yourself and do what makes you happy! Normal is relative, and you’re normal… Trust me. I think Dr. Seuss said it best – “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

Why I want lesbian sex and other musings…

I like women almost as much as I like men. I identify as straight for the most part, because I’m more inclined to have relationships with men. However, I am just as pleased by sex with women as I am with men. And unfortunately, it’s been a while since I have had the pleasure of being sexually intimate with a woman. I miss that…

I was in an on-again, off-again relationship with a man for the last few years. I didn’t feel comfortable developing a relationship with a woman on the side, for a few reasons. First of all, it felt wrong to me. Ultimately, I am a monogamous person. I like to be with one person at a time. And so, I denied that side of myself for the sake of the relationship.

Honestly, I am not opposed to threesomes or open relationships. I’ve certainly had a few damn good threesomes in my life! But, I find that I need to have them outside of a relationship, just for the fun of it, no strings attached. Within a relationship, I think it’s a recipe for trouble. Or maybe I just haven’t been with a person that could handle something like that and still maintain my trust.

So that leads me to my second reason for abandoning female companionship… I didn’t trust this guy. It’s true. I felt that if I introduced another woman to our relationship, he’d become greedy. I also didn’t trust him to remain mine. To me, another woman would’ve been a gift he would’ve taken advantage of, and I could totally see him ruining what we had because of it.

But we’re not together now and I miss the company of women… Le sigh…

Being with a woman, to me, is a much more sensual experience. Why?

Women are soft. Our bodies are curved and luscious. We smell and taste sweet. Even with urgency, passion, or roughness, during sex, there is still an edge of delicateness to everything.

Women understand each others bodies better. A woman knows a vagina like the back of her hand because she has one. She knows what will please a woman because she is one. She knows the sensitive areas because she has them.

We can handle each other with a knowledge and care that men just don’t seem to possess. We can talk to each other about our needs without fear of hurting a sensitive male ego.

I think I’ve mentioned a few of my desires and fantasies before… I love clit grinding. Two female bodies rubbing together for mutual pleasure is about the hottest thing I can think of! I also love going down on a woman. The soft, fleshy feel of a woman against your face and tongue is so much more erotic than having a pole shoved down your throat. And then there are breasts… Who does not like round, luscious breasts? Even most gay men can admire a nice set of boobs. Or what about fingers? Women have soft fingers and are much more delicate when using them. The idea of a woman stroking me through my panties really makes me feel warm and fuzzy. And honestly, sex toys are mostly made for women. So, there are so many ways you can tease and play with each other using toys. It keeps things from getting too boring when you have to be creative and use toys, fingers, and tongues!

Now that I am single again, I’m going to explore my desires. But for now, I am going to explore myself and update my dating profile to “bi”. I hope that the next time I report back, my musings are about how much I enjoyed the lesbian sex I’ve been having…

For strap-ons, vibrators, bondage gear and more, please visit us online at http://thereddoorstore.com/index.php/!

What’s a girl to do?

I love sex. Have I mentioned that before? I think I have…

But have I ever told you that it’s hard working for a sex shop? You have to work around all this arousing stuff. You get toys for a deep discount and free items from vendors. You amass a black bag the size of a Samsonite, filled with dildos, vibrators, gags, bullets, lubes, butt plugs, restraints, cock rings and more. You have to research products and sex techniques and fetishes. Therefore, you learn more about sex all of the time. You fantasize all of the time. You stay horny all.of.the.time.

Oh sure… You’re thinking, “What’s so hard about that?!?!” Well, for one thing, it’s really hard to find someone adventurous enough to explore all those things you’ve got going on in your head. Yeah, men and women alike will talk a big game with me. But when it comes right down to it, they get scared. They’re intimidated by me and my toy arsenal. They’re worried they might not be able to keep up with me, or that they’ll disappoint me. I get that. I do. But, I want that smack-talking guy with the big dick to walk right in and pull my hair and take me… not one that punks out, loses their erection, or cums after 2 minutes. UGH!

Also, I get bored very easily. I crave exploration. I am surrounded by variety. I am sexually curious every day because I learn new things every day. So, when a lover begins to fall into a routine of plain vanilla sex, I get bored. BORED. I want to try that new position I’ve read about. I want to use my new toys. I want to role-play and act out those fantasies. Don’t give me vanilla every night – give me a new flavor, or at least throw on some freaking sprinkles! UGH!

And now you’re probably thinking, “Surely she must be ugly or mean? It can’t be that hard for a girl to get laid!” Well first off, I’m attractive and curvy. Secondly, I’m one of the nicest, most generous people you’ll ever meet. And to be honest, I’m actually very monogamous and won’t sleep around. I won’t have casual sex because it’s risky for my health… Uh, STD’s anyone? And really, it’s not good for your emotional well-being. But more importantly, it ends up being a colossal waste of time. The smack-talker who said they could match me tit for tat ends up being horrible in bed. HORRIBLE. UGH!

So, YES, it is that hard for me to get laid… and even harder for me to get laid the way I want to be. Why? See above. I’m picky and hard to please. I want thrills and adventure. I want someone who can keep up with me physically and mentally. And, I won’t have casual sex. All of that adds up to me not being willing to have sex with just anyone… and me not getting laid. UGH!

So, what’s a girl to do?

 

 

Just a Taste… By Medusa

Aphrodite, the ancient Greek god of sexual love and beauty, introduced the concept of aphrodisiacs to help enhance our desire, excitement, stamina, and performance. Aphrodisiacs work via our senses, including sight, smell, touch, sound, and taste. Finding which sense is most enticing gives you a chance to further explore your sexuality and create more fulfilling and bold sexual experiences. And, I’ve discovered my favorite type of aphrodisiac…

I’m something of a foodophile. I feel sexually aroused by consuming or being in contact with food… not junk food, but fresh, beautiful, healthy food! And, no I’m not humping asparagus or pineapples. Like seeing your main squeeze, I get giddy about food. A tingling, light-headed sensation flows over my body. My skin becomes flushed. My eyes get big. My heart rate increases. Even my nipples become erect! Mmm… Its time to devour this plate of yummy goodness!

I have an affinity for certain foods – seafood, fresh fruits, and spices like cayenne pepper really get me going. The smells lifting from a honey-glazed salmon doused with lemon zest can send me to another place… like laying on the warm sands of my favorite beach with my partner as the sun sets and we inhale the ocean breeze. Biting into a ripe, fuzzy peach, licking the sweet juice dribbling from my lips? This sends me into the sweet memories of my first kiss. Sipping hot chocolate with a dash of cayenne pepper? My body warms up, like the sensation I get from being entangled in a deep, Winter embrace with the one I love.

I guess you could say my love for food and sexual intimacy go hand in hand for me. I’ve noticed that excitement for savory delights follow me into the bedroom. These foods can make me feel energized, alluring, alive…

After realizing these goodies have become profound aphrodisiacs for me, I spoke with my partner to see if we could incorporate a few  food items in bed. He agreed. Enthralled by the opportunity of getting my two loves together in one room without a table, I ran for the kitchen grabbing our favorites. Honey, chocolate syrup, and various fruits were gathered for the adventure. I blindfolded my partner and placed one cold strawberry on his lips. We took turns with the blindfold, placing each treat delicately on each others bodies, licking away the delicious residue they left.

The next morning we were sticky… VERY sticky. The night before had been a dream filled with luscious flavors and my lover. Why did I have to wake up sticky?! One word – sugar. Everything had sugar in it! We stuck to the bed sheets and each other. My fantasy turned into an infants high-chair.

The next day I went into work determined to find alternatives that would be equally as intoxicating, but mush less messy. There, I found a magical land of decadent oils, lubricants, gels, and even honey dust! Overjoyed by the treasure chest of options, I tested as many edibles as possible. Tasting the products that mirrored my favorite flavors and scents, I chose one oil, one lubricant, and one honey dust. Then, I prepared myself for a smooth, sensual, stickiness free evening! Not only was our evening less messy, it was more enjoyable. Using flavored intimate products is much better for your body, more hygienic. Also, the flavoring increase your salivary response, which will increase the natural lubrication you need for all oral pleasures.

One of our most sensually pleasing brands is Kama Sutra. This luxury brand of intimate products supplies a host of edibles – flavored massage oils, candied body dusts, savory and sweet lubes, and rich and creamy body soufflés. Only the gift of love itself could be more intoxicating than these tasty delights.

Another of our sensual menu items? All of the flavored lubes from System Jo… These high-quality, water-based lubricants come in such a huge variety of flavors. You’ll feel like the proverbial kid in a candy store! Chocolate, pomegranate, raspberry, lemon, tropical fruit, cherry, strawberry, banana, cherry… Something for every palate… and every body part.

Want to expand your own menu? Check out our edible lubes, oils and lotions, and more!

The Case for Lingerie

lingerie

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s face it… If you are a woman, you more than likely have an oversized t-shirt you sleep in. It’s more than likely has a hole or two in it. Maybe it’s even got a stain… or two. Or, you have your comfortable PJ’s – tried and true, soft from the years of wear and repeated laundering. Perhaps you’re sassier than that. You sleep in the nude, or just panties.

There’s nothing wrong with any of the above sleep apparel habits. Nothing at all. But, if your love life is suffering, or you want to spice things up, all of the above are missing one thing – LINGERIE.

I know what you’re thinking…
… “Men don’t care about lingerie. They look at it for a few seconds, then ask you to take it off so they can get down to business.”
… “I can’t find anything that makes me look sexy.”
… “I can’t stand all those strings and hooks and itchy lace.”
… “I sleep naked. I don’t need lingerie.”

Stop. Stop right there. You’re wrong, about all of the above. And here’s why…

Lingerie isn’t just for men. It’s for you, too! The right lingerie can make you feel sexy and pretty and all around more confident about yourself. And all those things combined can and will improve your sex life. So, leave it on during the whole act if it helps you feel your sexiest.

And, you CAN find something that makes you look sexy. Lingerie doesn’t have to be skimpy or stringy. There is abundance of gorgeous lingerie in all kinds of styles and fit, for all shapes and sizes. Pick out something that covers your trouble spots and you WILL feel sexy! Small bust? Pick a style with molded cups to give you some extra oomph! Short legs? Pick a short chemise to make your legs look longer. Carrying extra weight or have a mom belly? Wear a A-line style that is fitted at the top and flares out to mask your belly. Self-conscious about your whole body? Wear an extra long satin negligee with a large slit up the side, for a glamorous, old-Hollywood look.

And lingerie doesn’t have to uncomfortable. There are plenty of fabric options when it comes to lingerie – satin, soft stretchy mesh, cotton/poly jersey blends, and more. Don’t fool yourself into believing that more lace, ribbons, and hooks = sexier. Even a cute cotton-blend bra and panty set can be super sexy! Don’t like G-strings? Find a sexy black panty to wear with any of the lingerie styles that may come with a thong. The substitution will look just as hot, and you won’t feel like your picking floss out our your crack. Or skip the panties all together!

And, even if you sleep naked, lingerie can benefit your sexy life. There’s something sexy about mystery, and lingerie provides mystery… even if just a little. Lingerie makes discovering your body like unwrapping a special present. Make taking lingerie off by giving your partner the slow tease with a private strip-show. Plus, leaving lingerie on during sex can be extremely erotic. Think of how it feels to have your panties slowly removed by your partner, or simply pushed aside so he can please you… It’s feels HOT! I’m telling ya!

I’m not saying to throw out your oversized tees and extra-loved PJ’s. I’m just saying that every now and then, you should put on that hot pink teddy or black mesh bodysuit. It can give your everyday sex life a little extra ooh-la-la! Need something new and sexy? Check out our online lingerie selection – http://thereddoorstore.com/index.php/boudoir-sexy. Like what you see? Visit any one of our 3 Charlotte locations for an even BIGGER selection of Missy and Plus size lingerie, hosiery, and corsets.

BDSM 101: Kinky Basics for Everyone

bdsm-tflMaybe you already know what BDSM is, and going a little further intrigues you. Perhaps you’ve dabbled with spanking your partner. Or, maybe you’ve tied each other up with scarves. But now, you want to try more BDSM fun in the bedroom.

Or, maybe you’ve never heard of BDSM. Perhaps, you’re intimidated by the idea. Or, maybe you just don’t know how to get started, but would be interested in trying something like this in the bedroom.

Well, this is your primer for BDSM. I’m going to give you some basic ideas to get your kinky juices flowing!

First of all, let’s define BDSM:

B = bondage – using restraints as part of an intimate relationship

D = domination – a dominant partner controlling and/or punishing a submissive partner

S & M = sadism and masochism – giving (s) and receiving (m) pleasure from pain

Getting started… When getting started with any BDSM activity, talk to your partner FIRST! Discuss what you would like to try and come up with a game plan. It’s important to set up boundaries before you ever venture down this road. Why? It’s because many BDSM activities require a high level of trust between partners. So, talk, talk, talk about what you will and won’t do! Then, decide on a safe word, or code word, to use with your partner when you want things to stop. Remember, it’s ok to stop and regroup. You should never feel like you can’t trust your partner!

Now, let’s break everything down. I’m going to give you some basic ideas according to where they fall in the BDSM spectrum. Some of them might not be your thing, and that’s ok! The idea is to spice things up within YOUR comfort zone.

Bondage – There are so many easy ways to incorporate bondage into your sex life!

  • Grab a leash and walk your partner around the bedroom
  • Use furry handcuffs or silk rope to restrict your partner’s use of their hands, or to lock them to a bedpost or chair
  • Try a ball gag to muffle your partner’s pleas for mercy or cries of ecstasy
  • Use a spreader bar to restrict the use of your partner’s legs
  • Go all the way and use hog ties or wrist and leg cuffs to completely restrict your partner’s movements

Domination – This is all about one person being in charge, with the other relinquishing control.

  • Pretend your partner is your love slave and have them work to earn their freedom by doing anything you say
  • Control your partner by repeatedly stimulating them, but not allowing them to have an orgasm
  • Role play having one of you be the servant (think French maid, pool boy, love robot, etc.)
  • Try a remote controlled panty vibe where you or your partner is in charge of the amount of stimulation received
  • Use a blindfold and do not allow your partner to see what you’re about to do next

S&M – This is all about giving and/or receiving pain. But, it doesn’t mean you have to hurt each other. Start on the softer side with any of these suggestions and work your way up to more intensity!

  • Try using nipple clamps for an exciting pinch
  • Pick up a paddle, riding crop, or leather flogger, then lightly smack each other on sensitive areas
  • Drip hot wax onto each other’s backsides
  • Try an electro-stimulation kit on sensitive areas with the dial set to low
  • Use your teeth to gently bite sensitive areas

Want to try some of the ideas above? Check out our BDSM selection online. You’ll find many items to help you get started.

Want to try some harder stuff? Do your research! Talk to your partner about your desires AND boundaries. And, the visit one of our 3 Charlotte are stores. We have a much larger, and kinkier, selection of BDSM items in-store.

 

Say WHAT? 10 Strange Sex Laws You Won’t Believe!

I’m sure I’ve broken a few laws during sex – laws of nature, laws of physics, laws of thermodynamics… Hell, this girl can get really freaky when she feels like it. But, there are some pretty crazy laws in various states that could actually land you in jail! I’m pretty sure I’ve never broken any of THESE laws… Maybe you have?

CALIFORNIA – Anyone having intercourse with Satan must use a condom… Well, best to play it safe with SATAN! You don’t know who or WHAT he’s been having sex with down there in Hell…

FLORIDA – Sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal… Uhm, ok. Wouldn’t that hurt? And besides, there are other kinds of pricks in this world!

GEORGIA – It is illegal to purchase or possess marital aides (vibrators, dildos, etc.)… OOPS! We’d be in trouble! Major, major trouble. I guess there are some things I am willing to go to jail for…

ILLINOIS – Nuzzling or kissing a reptile is prohibited… Well, stay away from the players at the bar because they tend to be total snakes…

PENNSYLVANIA – It is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth… I just wonder if you have to pay for that in exact change…

KANSAS – Anyone caught engaging in anal sex draws a maximum sentence of six months in jail… Hmmm… What If you were in jail when you got caught?

VIRGINIA – It is illegal to copulate in any position except missionary or have sex with the lights on… Oooh! Be a rebel and have sex doggy style in the dark, because that’s so sick and twisted *eyeroll*…

WEST VIRGINIA – It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs… UHM, say WHAT?! As if a smaller animal makes it any better…

ARKANSAS – Moose are not allowed to have sex on city streets… Well, you’re damn skippy they shouldn’t! Who wants to see that?

RHODE ISLAND – Oral sex is considered “abominable, detestable crime against nature,” and such activity brings a 7-to-10-year stretch in the penitentiary… Shit. Sometimes when I am down there, it FEELS like a 7-to-10-year stretch…

 

So, if  you feel like breaking any laws, you BETTER make it worth it! Hit up the RedDoor before you commit the crime and go down with a blaze of sexy glory!