best sex tips for couples

Make 2017 Your Sexiest Year Yet!

couple-tub-champagne-candle-horiz_mvjvgaThe Holidays are almost over. We’re on the brink of a brand new year. If you are like most people, you’re thinking of resolutions for the new year. Even if you don’t call them resolutions, we all promise ourselves that we’ll do something differently in the coming year. This year, skip the promises to eat right, exercise more, drink less… Make resolutions you’ll actually keep! Research has shown that the more you want it, the more likely you are to keep a resolution. And what do we all want more than anything? HOT SEX!! So, here are my sexy New Year’s resolutions for 2017:

1. Be more spontaneous – Don’t forget the old adage: where there is a will, there is a way! When the mood strikes you, make it happen. But don’t just make this about spontaneous sex… include random kisses, hugs, groping, and compliments. All of these things will make your sex life sexier!

2. Try new things – As much as possible, experiment with new positions in the bedroom. Or, try new toys or play accessories. Hell, thinking of new places to have sex can spice things up. And here’s a way to help you keep things new and exciting: write all the new things you want to try on little slips of paper, then throw them in the jar. As often as possible, draw one from the jar and make it happen!

3. Communicate – Seems simple, right? Well, most people do not talk to their partners about what they want and need. Make this your year to open up about sex and tell them what you like, how often you want it, and why you like it!

4. Get kinky – Being kinky doesn’t mean you have to delve into the BDSM lifestyle. But, adding a little bit of kink can go a long way to having sexier sex in the new year. Haven’t watched porn together? Do it. Want to try some bondage? Buy some silk rope. Never role-played? Buy the school girl outfit.

5. Stop making excuses – Headaches, lack of time, lack of desire… we all have excuses for why we don’t have sex. But, even a little foreplay can go a long way in making you happier and your relationship stronger. So, find the time to please and be pleased.

6. Be intimate – Sex does not equal intimacy. But, the more intimate you are with each other, the more you’ll want sex, and the more fulfilling it will be. So, take warm showers with each other, snuggle, hold hands, massage each other, hug… Anything that brings you closer together is well worth the effort and will make for a better 2016!

7.  Show your sexy side – Buy sexy lingerie to wear for him. Greet her in the nude when she gets home. Send sexy texts. Dress up from head to toe and take each other for a romantic date. Turn on your most seductive playlist and dance with or for each other. Whisper naughty thought to each other in the grocery store… Making an effort to keep your partner intrigued, aroused, and interested will keep the heat turned up all year long.

Here’s to a happy, healthy, prosperous, and sexy 2017!!

Sexy New Year’s Resolutions for 2016

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It’s that time of year again… The Holidays are drawing to a close. The year is almost over. And, we are all gearing up for New Year’s Eve celebrations.

If you are like most people, you’re thinking of resolutions for the new year. Even if you don’t call them resolutions, we all promise ourselves that we’ll do something differently in the coming year. This year, skip the promises to eat right, exercise more, drink less… Make resolutions you’ll actually keep! Research has shown that the more you want it, the more likely you are to keep a resolution. And what do we all want more than anything? HOT SEX!!

So, here are my sexy New Year’s resolutions for 2016:

1. Be more spontaneous – Don’t forget the old adage: where there is a will, there is a way! When the mood strikes you, make it happen. But don’t just make this about spontaneous sex… include random kisses, hugs, groping, and compliments. All of these things will make your sex life sexier!

2. Try new things – As much as possible, experiment with new positions in the bedroom. Or, try new toys or play accessories. Hell, thinking of new places to have sex can spice things up. And here’s a way to help you keep things new and exciting: write all the new things you want to try on little slips of paper, then throw them in the jar. As often as possible, draw one from the jar and make it happen!

3. Communicate – Seems simple, right? Well, most people do not talk to their partners about what they want and need. Make this your year to open up about sex and tell them what you like, how often you want it, and why you like it!

4. Get kinky – Being kinky doesn’t mean you have to delve into the BDSM lifestyle. But, adding a little bit of kink can go a long way to having sexier sex in the new year. Haven’t watched porn together? Do it. Want to try some bondage? Buy some silk rope. Never role-played? Buy the school girl outfit.

5. Stop making excuses – Headaches, lack of time, lack of desire… we all have excuses for why we don’t have sex. But, even a little foreplay can go a long way in making you happier and your relationship stronger. So, find the time to please and be pleased.

6. Be intimate – Sex does not equal intimacy. But, the more intimate you are with each other, the more you’ll want sex, and the more fulfilling it will be. So, take warm showers with each other, snuggle, hold hands, massage each other, hug… Anything that brings you closer together is well worth the effort and will make for a better 2016!

7.  Show your sexy side – Buy sexy lingerie to wear for him. Greet her in the nude when she gets home. Send sexy texts. Dress up from head to toe and take each other for a romantic date. Turn on your most seductive playlist and dance with or for each other. Whisper naughty thought to each other in the grocery store… Making an effort to keep your partner intrigued, aroused, and interested will keep the heat turned up all year long.

Here’s to a happy, healthy, prosperous, and sexy 2016!!

Old-Fashioned Sex Advice Revisited

Sixty years ago, a woman’s pleasure was a thing to be whispered about. Sex outside of marriage was shameful. Sex toys, or anything other than missionary, were for cheap girls and harlots. We’ve certainly come a long way when it comes to adventurous sex. Porn is mainstream. Adult stores are big business, no longer back alley establishments. And movies like “50 Shades of Grey” have inspired women everyone to try a little BDSM. But should we completely discard old-fashioned beliefs about sex? Let’s take a look…

Old-fashioned Tip #1 – Your most important job is to build up and maintain his ego. Morale is a woman’s business.

This isn’t bad advice. Appreciating and complimenting your man builds up his confidence. And confidence is good for the bedroom. The more you praise his manhood and his efforts, the more he’s going to want to please you.

Old-fashioned Tip #2 – If you are one of those frigid or sexually anesthetic women, don’t be in a hurry to inform your husband about it.  To the man it makes no difference in the pleasurableness of the act whether you are frigid or not, unless he knows that you are frigid.  And he won’t know unless you tell him, and what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

Uhm, wrong. This one is definitely wrong with a capital “W”. A man knows if you are not enjoying yourself. And, if you are not enjoying himself, chances are it will ruin some part of the act for him. Can he still get off and orgasm even if you’re bored to tears? Yes, probably. But, can it also affect his performance and make it less pleasurable? Definitely. Only a major asshole doesn’t care if you are bored and miserable. So, throw this advice out the window and talk to your partner about what you do and don’t like. If he doesn’t want to listen and please you, ditch him!

Old-fashioned Tip #3 – Underwear should be spotlessly clean goes without saying, but every woman should wear the best quality underwear that she can afford.  And the color should be preferably pink.  And lace and ruffles, I am sorry to say, add to the attractiveness of underwear, and are liked by the average man.

This one has some merit to it. Not all men like lingerie or fancy underwear. But if you want to feel sexy… and you want him to see you as sexy… make sure whatever you’re wearing is in good shape, flattering, and preferably in a color you or he loves. No one is sexy is undies with stains or holes in them. So, I am not talking about always wearing satin and lace. You can still be sexy in cute cotton bras and panties. And the color doesn’t have to be pink. According to my research, men prefer black or white.

Old-fashioned Tip #4 – While sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured.

Say what? No. Just no. This is one old-fashioned sex tip I can’t believe exists! Sex should never be revolting or painful. If it is, you’re doing it wrong! Even when you want it to be painful, that should come from a place of pleasure, because you find that enjoyable.

Old-fashioned Tip #5The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.

Problem #1 with this tip… Sex no longer has to be enjoyed under the confines of marriage. Problem #2… If you are married, lessening the frequency of sex is bound to take its toll on your relationship. In fact, married couples should work hard to stay committed, keep things fresh, and try to have sex as much as possible. Distancing yourself from each other sexually is a fast track to divorce. Don’t let kids, work, and life get in the way of being intimate with each other.

Old-fashioned Tip #6A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her.

Oh, quite the contrary my friends! Being naked has many benefits to your health AND makes you want to have sex more often. How? It increases your circulation and improves your confidence – both of which have been proven to increase sex drive and sexual pleasure!

While we may learn from the past in most other circumstances, sex doesn’t seem to be one of them! Thank goodness we’ve come so far so that we can cum so far. I’ll take modern sex any day of the week!

XOXO, Bella

The Worst Sex I’ve Ever Had…

Oh boy… I have had some amazing sex in my life. You don’t end up being a 40-year-old, single MILF who works for an adult company without having some tales to tell… I could tell you about the super hot anal I had on my lover’s back porch while we were grilling dinner. I could tell you about the midday, 2-hour, me-on-top tantric session we had in a hotel room. Realistically, I could write a book of erotica based on all the fun I’ve had.

But, that’s not what this blog is about. Despite the fact that I have had some epically erotic romps, I’ve also had some really terrible sex… roll your eyes, get it over with quick, laugh out loud when it’s done kinds of bad. I’m not here to bash any of my past lovers. I recognize that there is a learning curve when it comes to new partners. I know that sometimes it takes a while for two people to get comfortable enough to explore and communicate. And, I recognize that you have to take the good with the bad, that nothing is always perfect..  But what I want to do here is point out common mistakes men make when it comes to sex… and how to fix them.

Let’s take a roll call…

Mr. Selfish… These are the guys who ignore your cues. They are the ones who set a pace that doesn’t work for you. They are the ones who want oral, but don’t return the favor. And, they are the ones who finish first and don’t care whether you finish or not. Sigh… these are the lovers who get on my nerves the most. I know women need more attention to get turned on. I know we need more time to cum. But when you short-change us, you won’t be invited back.

Mr. Shove-It-In… These are the guys who skip foreplay and just want to get it on. Now, don’t get me wrong… Sometimes I am ready to go and want to skip foreplay, too. But, I’m talking about someone who never wants to warm you up. It’s like kissing, touching, or going down on you is beneath his status. These kinds of lovers can be low-maintenance and good for hot quickies. But, otherwise, they lack flare

Mr. Vanilla… These are the guys who are intimidated by female pleasure. They don’t want to use toys and explore your sexuality. They like it missionary and are afraid to try anything different. They will get offended if you ask for anything outside of their comfort zone. In other words, they are prudes. I had sex with a Mr. Vanilla once… ONCE. I scared him off! LOL!

Mr. Clueless… These are the guys that don’t know what a clitoris is and have no understanding of how to make a woman orgasm. You think I am joking… But, there are lots of men who really don’t understand female anatomy. Fortunately, I’ve avoided these guys all together.

Mr. Rub It Off… These are the guys that think fast and furious is the way to handle a clitoris. Do you know how many men have tried to rub my clit completely off? LOTS! Ease up fellas!

And here are my FIX-IT TIPS:

  • Ask your partner upfront what she needs in order to orgasm. Spend a little time experimenting with her. Listen without letting your feelings get hurt and follow her lead.
  • Spend time and energy on foreplay. Stroke her with your fingers. Pleasure her with your tongue. And if you know you’re going to finish first during intercourse, make sure she cums during foreplay!
  • During sex, pay attention to her cues. If she sounds like she is faking it, she probably is. Stop whatever it is you’re doing and try something else. Or simply whisper a sexy, “what do you want me to do to you, baby?” I promise you she will tell you exactly what she wants.
  • If you cum and she still hasn’t had a chance, let her know you want to please her once you recover. Hold, kiss, and stroke her. Tease her with your fingers or lips. Then, when you’re ready, ask her again “what do you want me to do to you, baby?” Be open to whatever she says she needs.
  • Get to know the female body. The more you know, the happier you can make her. The 2 most important things are the clitoris and the g-spot. Now granted, women have many erogenous zones. However, these are the 2 most common ones that help a woman achieve orgasm. What to educate yourself? Ask your partner questions. Read our blog. Talk to a female friend you feel comfortable with. Or, come into the store. We’ll be happy to educate you!
  • Women are not all wired the same. Each of your partners may need different things. So talk about it upfront!
  • Don’t be afraid to experiment. Be excited that your partner wants to have sex with you and explore with you. If she wants to use a toy, it doesn’t mean she’s trying to replace you.

Sex should be pleasurable for both parties! If it’s not, there is a problem. Don’t be one of the chumps above!

 

The Best Sex Advice You’ll Ever Get…

Being in this business, I get asked a lot of questions. People ask me advice on everything – from which lubes to buy to how to dominate your partner. In my discussions with customers, I tend to offer a lot of unsolicited advice as well. See, my job is not just to sell you a dildo or a blow-up doll for your bachelor party. My job also requires me to be a sex therapist of sorts. So, I give a lot of input on how to make your sex life better, whether you want the advice or not! Here’s some of the wisdom I have dropped over time…

MY ADVICE FOR WOMEN (Men, you should read this, too!):

1. Never fake an orgasm. Never. You are not doing yourself any favors by faking it. Your partner will never learn how to please you if you are constantly pretending to orgasm!

2. And on that note… Don’t pretend to like something you don’t. If you do not like what your partner is doing, do not pretend to enjoy it. Instead tell your lover what you DO like, or what would feel better instead.

3. To drive my point home, communicate. Very few people in the world are psychic. No one can read your mind. So, talk to your partner. Tell them what makes you feel good, what you like, what you want to try, what your boundaries are, what turns you off.

4. Accept that most orgasms require clitoral stimulation… and time. Once you accept this, work with your partner on how YOU want to achieve orgasm – manually, orally, with a toy, or combining hands/toys/intercourse.

5. Don’t be scared to try anal. Even the smallest plug can add great pleasure – for women and MEN! If your lover is a man and wants to try prostate stimulation, don’t freak out! Female and male rectum both have erogenous nerve endings that can provide a ton of stimulation. Want to learn more? Read here.

6. Buy lube and use it. You may be the wettest of the wet, but you still need lube. Lube enhances manual play by minimizing friction. Same rule applies to toys. You always want to use a good lube with your toys to minimize friction and irritation. And, if you do try anal, using lots of lube greatly reduces the potential for discomfort.

7. Be adventurous. It’s ok to try new things. Don’t be scared of the things your partner wants to try. They are asking YOU to try it. They want to do it with YOU. Take that as a sign that they ENJOY having sex with you, and feel comfortable enough to share their fantasies.

8. Always, ALWAYS use protection with someone you don’t know. People lie. End of story. Nothing ruins a hot one-night-stand like a case of herpes. No amount of sex is worth risking your health! Practice safe sex until you both have been tested.

 

MY ADVICE FOR MEN:

1. See #1 through # 8 above. All of that applies to you, too!!!

2. Slow down. Sex should not be a race to orgasm. Sex should be about finding mutual satisfaction with your lover. I know this may sound like a radical idea, but it’s true. Slow down and make sure your partner is enjoying themselves!

3. Don’t be offended when your partner tells you what they need. If someone is willing to communicate with you about sex, it means they still want to have sex with you AND make it better! Better sex is never a bad thing. Trust me.

 

And what’s the last piece of advice I have for you? Stay sexy, shop RedDoor.

 

 

 

Body Worship 101

About a month ago, I met someone who confided in me that they LOVE to have their balls worshipped. I asked him what he meant, what exactly he expected someone to do in order to worship his balls. He basically said he likes to have his balls stroked, licked, kissed, and squeezed as much as possible. You may be thinking, “that’s not all that unusual.” But, it’s not so much the acts, as it is the frequency and intensity by which he desired it. To him, the ball worship alone could satisfy his desires. He didn’t just want in the context of foreplay and sex. He wanted it as a stand alone act, something sustained and intense. He wanted his balls to be someone else’s complete focus. As someone who tends to lean towards the submissive side, this really got my wheels turning…

Without knowing it, I had just had my first experience with body worship…

So, what is “body worship”? According to Wikipedia, body worship is “any practice of physically reverencing a part of another person’s body, and is usually done as a submissive act in the context of BDSM.” Typical kinds of body worship include worship of the testicles, muscles, penis, vagina, or bottom. But body worship could be the complete reverence and care of any body part that you find particularly beautiful or arousing on your partner. Or, maybe it’s an extremely sensitive part of your partner’s body, such as the neck, feet, and palms of the hands.

For those in the BDSM community, you may already be familiar with the concept and practice of body worship. But, for the average Dick or Jane, you may be asking: “How can I do this in my own relationship?” As always, what works for some may not work for others. But, here are some things to get you started in body worship…

Talk to your partner… Ask your partner what areas of their body they LOVE for you to touch. This could be an erogenous zone, or simply a part of their body they enjoy having touched. For example, I do love having my clit or nipples stroked. But, my neck and the small of my back also happy to places that bring me lots of joy.

Spend some time on that spot… Once you find out where your partner would like to be worshipped, spend some time caring for that spot. Have your partner stand or lay down in front of you. Take your time admiring its beauty. Compliment your partner. Softly touch, kiss, and lick the area. Clean, massage, or moisturize that spot. Make it your complete focus for as long as your partner would like.

Need ides? Here are some spots to get you started and ideas for worshipping them…

The Back – Wash your partner’s back in the shower. Then, help them dry off. Once they are lounging on the bed, run your fingers gently up and down your partner’s back. Kiss them from the tips of the spine to the base of the neck. Grab an edible massage cream and give them a light massage. Then, lick and kiss off the cream.

The Feet – Wash your partner’s feet in a warm bath. Scrub them with an exfoliating wash, really massaging them as you go along. Then, dry them off. Have your partner sit in a chair with you at their feet. Kiss the tops and soles of their feet. Then, kiss the pads of each toe. Grab an edible massage cream and give them a light massage. Then, lick and kiss off the oil. If your partner likes it, suck the cream off their toes!

The Neck, Arms, Legs – Steal ideas from the back and feet!!

The Penis – Begin by admiring your partner’s penis. Tell him how much you love having it inside you. Describe how it feels to you when he’s thrusting away. As you talk, gently take his penis in your hands and lightly stroke it. Use a lubricant to give him a slow, meaningful hand-job. Take your time and don’t rush it. As you stroke, stop to kiss, lick, and gently suck his penis. Tell him how powerful and big he feels in your hands. Make it all about how wonderful his penis is, and about his ultimate pleasure.

The Clitoris/Labia – Begin by admiring your partner’s pussy. Tell her how beautiful it is. Describe how it feels inside, how it tastes. As you talk, gently open her lips and lightly stroke her. Use a lubricant for extra sensation. Take your time and don’t rush it. As you stroke, stop to kiss, lick, and gently suck on her lips and clit. Tell her how soft and silky she feels in your hands, how sweet she smells. If stroking is not enough, lap your tongue softly and slowly against her. The key is to go slow and to focus on the whole area, kissing and nibbling her clit and the surrounding areas. Make it all about how wonderful her pussy is, and about her ultimate pleasure.

The Bottom – Take cues from all of the areas above. And, ask your partner what their limits are! Some men and women may only like external worship such as massaging and stroking. Some men and women may be more adventurous, enjoying penetration with fingers and tongues, or licking and kissing around the anus.

In the end, this is about serving your partner and making them your entire focus. It does not need to be an act of foreplay that leads to sex. It can purely be an act of intimacy, a way to connect with each other on a deeper level. The best body worship leaves your partner feeling amazing and extraordinarily loved and special!