BDSM

Old-Fashioned Sex Advice Revisited

Sixty years ago, a woman’s pleasure was a thing to be whispered about. Sex outside of marriage was shameful. Sex toys, or anything other than missionary, were for cheap girls and harlots. We’ve certainly come a long way when it comes to adventurous sex. Porn is mainstream. Adult stores are big business, no longer back alley establishments. And movies like “50 Shades of Grey” have inspired women everyone to try a little BDSM. But should we completely discard old-fashioned beliefs about sex? Let’s take a look…

Old-fashioned Tip #1 – Your most important job is to build up and maintain his ego. Morale is a woman’s business.

This isn’t bad advice. Appreciating and complimenting your man builds up his confidence. And confidence is good for the bedroom. The more you praise his manhood and his efforts, the more he’s going to want to please you.

Old-fashioned Tip #2 – If you are one of those frigid or sexually anesthetic women, don’t be in a hurry to inform your husband about it.  To the man it makes no difference in the pleasurableness of the act whether you are frigid or not, unless he knows that you are frigid.  And he won’t know unless you tell him, and what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

Uhm, wrong. This one is definitely wrong with a capital “W”. A man knows if you are not enjoying yourself. And, if you are not enjoying himself, chances are it will ruin some part of the act for him. Can he still get off and orgasm even if you’re bored to tears? Yes, probably. But, can it also affect his performance and make it less pleasurable? Definitely. Only a major asshole doesn’t care if you are bored and miserable. So, throw this advice out the window and talk to your partner about what you do and don’t like. If he doesn’t want to listen and please you, ditch him!

Old-fashioned Tip #3 – Underwear should be spotlessly clean goes without saying, but every woman should wear the best quality underwear that she can afford.  And the color should be preferably pink.  And lace and ruffles, I am sorry to say, add to the attractiveness of underwear, and are liked by the average man.

This one has some merit to it. Not all men like lingerie or fancy underwear. But if you want to feel sexy… and you want him to see you as sexy… make sure whatever you’re wearing is in good shape, flattering, and preferably in a color you or he loves. No one is sexy is undies with stains or holes in them. So, I am not talking about always wearing satin and lace. You can still be sexy in cute cotton bras and panties. And the color doesn’t have to be pink. According to my research, men prefer black or white.

Old-fashioned Tip #4 – While sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured.

Say what? No. Just no. This is one old-fashioned sex tip I can’t believe exists! Sex should never be revolting or painful. If it is, you’re doing it wrong! Even when you want it to be painful, that should come from a place of pleasure, because you find that enjoyable.

Old-fashioned Tip #5The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.

Problem #1 with this tip… Sex no longer has to be enjoyed under the confines of marriage. Problem #2… If you are married, lessening the frequency of sex is bound to take its toll on your relationship. In fact, married couples should work hard to stay committed, keep things fresh, and try to have sex as much as possible. Distancing yourself from each other sexually is a fast track to divorce. Don’t let kids, work, and life get in the way of being intimate with each other.

Old-fashioned Tip #6A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her.

Oh, quite the contrary my friends! Being naked has many benefits to your health AND makes you want to have sex more often. How? It increases your circulation and improves your confidence – both of which have been proven to increase sex drive and sexual pleasure!

While we may learn from the past in most other circumstances, sex doesn’t seem to be one of them! Thank goodness we’ve come so far so that we can cum so far. I’ll take modern sex any day of the week!

XOXO, Bella

Electro-Sex… It’s SHOCKING!

shock stuff

Have you ever heard of Erotic Electro-stimulation? I didn’t think so… But it’s not something a mad scientist does!

According to Wikipedia,  Erotic Electro-stimulation is “a human sexual practice involving the application of electrical stimulation to the nerves of the body, with particular emphasis on the genitals, using a power source for purposes of sexual stimulation.” In other words, you’re shocking parts of your body for sexual pleasure.

Yeah… It’s not for everyone. I know. But, if done right, it can add an exhilarating new dimension to your sex life. You’re probably asking yourself, “WHY would anyone do that?!?!” Well, an electric current can stimulate nerve endings and involuntary muscle stimulation in erogenous areas. So basically, it’s an intense activation of the erotic nerves, which can be an extremely pleasurable experience. Some people also use electro-stimulation for S&M play. It’s an interesting way to explore the pleasure/pain boundaries. However, it has much fewer risks and lasting physical damage when compared to more traditional BDSM practices. That’s because it can be precisely controlled and does not leave physical marks, bruises, etc.

Want to learn more about the types of stimulation and safety precautions? Read here: A Guide to Erotic Electrostimulation

Think you’re ready to experiment? Try these stimulating novelties from the RedDoor:

 

shock therapy kit Fetish Fantasy Deluxe Shock Therapy Kit – Give your sex life a “charge” with this incredible deluxe electro-sex kit. This electric stimulation Shock Therapy Kit is perfect for first-timers and those familiar to e-stimulation alike. The easy-to-read LCD screen on the digital power control unit clearly displays the function and intensity level, and with 3 pre-programmed pulsation patterns to choose from, this attractive control unit sends electrical impulses to whichever body part you place the pad on. Choose from a sensuous tingle to a throbbing tap, all with the push of a button, and pick one of the 5 body zones to stimulate. With over 100 stimulation combinations to choose from, the possibilities are endless. Choose a setting on the power unit’s dial to control the intensity and go from a sensuous tingle to a throbbing tap in seconds. Switch between “SLOW” or “FAST” to control the frequency of the shock, or adjust the dial to control the strength of the shock. Using the timer function, the battery-powered unit will automatically shut off after a 15 minute interval. The pads are self-adhesive and reusable, attach to the lead wire using snaps, and clean up easily after the fun with PipeDream Toy Cleaner and warm water. Great for muscle stimulation, neural stimulation, and an all-over relaxing electro massage! Includes nipple clamps, cock cage, and a probe, Too!

we_vibrthrill

 

WeVibe Thrill – Winner of 5 international awards, Thrill by We-Vibeis designed for indulgent solo play. The G-spot stimulator provides internal fullness and friction, while the clitoral vibrator delivers external stimulation. With the touch of a button, you can choose the mode that matches your mood — from a low rumble to ultra vibrations. Thrill by We-Vibe is made with body-safe materials, including medical-grade silicone, and is 100% waterproof. It also features USB charging and 90-minute recharging for 2 hours of play.

 

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Intensity By Jopen – The JOPEN Intensity is the first sex toy built around a new patented technology created for a completely different application. It began when two medical professionals created a unique apparatus to strengthen women’s pelvic floor muscles. During the tests Jopen Intensity women began reporting intense orgasms and sexual joy like never before Created, designed, tested, perfected and manufactured 100% in the USA Inflatable Shaft for Custom Fit Dual Stimulating Electro Contacts to enhance pelvic contractions G-spot and Clitoral Vibrators 5-Level Vibration Control.

 

41MbPLGxR8L__SY300_KinkLab Neon Wand Electrosex Kit – The Neon Wand® is a popular device from Kinklab’s ElectroErotic® line that creates an electrical discharge across the surface of the skin. The electricity produces sensations over a broad range, from a pleasurably warm tingling, to a more intense, focused sensation that some find painful. The level of sensation created by the wand can be controlled both by a multi-level intensity dial on the wand itself, and also by which electrode you choose to use. The Neon Wand kit comes with 4 different glass attachments (Electrode Comb, Mushroom Tube, 90° Probe, Tongue Tube) that will be a thrill to experiment with. The kit color refers to the color of the light glowing in the glass electrodes. Kits are available in purple or red.

BDSM 101: Kinky Basics for Everyone

bdsm-tflMaybe you already know what BDSM is, and going a little further intrigues you. Perhaps you’ve dabbled with spanking your partner. Or, maybe you’ve tied each other up with scarves. But now, you want to try more BDSM fun in the bedroom.

Or, maybe you’ve never heard of BDSM. Perhaps, you’re intimidated by the idea. Or, maybe you just don’t know how to get started, but would be interested in trying something like this in the bedroom.

Well, this is your primer for BDSM. I’m going to give you some basic ideas to get your kinky juices flowing!

First of all, let’s define BDSM:

B = bondage – using restraints as part of an intimate relationship

D = domination – a dominant partner controlling and/or punishing a submissive partner

S & M = sadism and masochism – giving (s) and receiving (m) pleasure from pain

Getting started… When getting started with any BDSM activity, talk to your partner FIRST! Discuss what you would like to try and come up with a game plan. It’s important to set up boundaries before you ever venture down this road. Why? It’s because many BDSM activities require a high level of trust between partners. So, talk, talk, talk about what you will and won’t do! Then, decide on a safe word, or code word, to use with your partner when you want things to stop. Remember, it’s ok to stop and regroup. You should never feel like you can’t trust your partner!

Now, let’s break everything down. I’m going to give you some basic ideas according to where they fall in the BDSM spectrum. Some of them might not be your thing, and that’s ok! The idea is to spice things up within YOUR comfort zone.

Bondage – There are so many easy ways to incorporate bondage into your sex life!

  • Grab a leash and walk your partner around the bedroom
  • Use furry handcuffs or silk rope to restrict your partner’s use of their hands, or to lock them to a bedpost or chair
  • Try a ball gag to muffle your partner’s pleas for mercy or cries of ecstasy
  • Use a spreader bar to restrict the use of your partner’s legs
  • Go all the way and use hog ties or wrist and leg cuffs to completely restrict your partner’s movements

Domination – This is all about one person being in charge, with the other relinquishing control.

  • Pretend your partner is your love slave and have them work to earn their freedom by doing anything you say
  • Control your partner by repeatedly stimulating them, but not allowing them to have an orgasm
  • Role play having one of you be the servant (think French maid, pool boy, love robot, etc.)
  • Try a remote controlled panty vibe where you or your partner is in charge of the amount of stimulation received
  • Use a blindfold and do not allow your partner to see what you’re about to do next

S&M – This is all about giving and/or receiving pain. But, it doesn’t mean you have to hurt each other. Start on the softer side with any of these suggestions and work your way up to more intensity!

  • Try using nipple clamps for an exciting pinch
  • Pick up a paddle, riding crop, or leather flogger, then lightly smack each other on sensitive areas
  • Drip hot wax onto each other’s backsides
  • Try an electro-stimulation kit on sensitive areas with the dial set to low
  • Use your teeth to gently bite sensitive areas

Want to try some of the ideas above? Check out our BDSM selection online. You’ll find many items to help you get started.

Want to try some harder stuff? Do your research! Talk to your partner about your desires AND boundaries. And, the visit one of our 3 Charlotte are stores. We have a much larger, and kinkier, selection of BDSM items in-store.