BDSM tips

Sexy and Sensual Sensation Play!

What is “sensation play”?

Well, it depends on how you’re doing it. In short, it simply means experimenting with the senses.

For most vanilla couples, sensation play would be anything that delights in the senses, or erotic activities that impart physical sensations upon a partner. These activities could include the use of silk scarves, feathers, ice, massage oils, warm wax, and other similar implements. This is the more sensual side of sensation play, where the sensations are generally pleasing and light.

For kinkier couples or those who enjoy BDSM, sensation play can be much more intense. In this case, there tends to be more emphasis on a dominant partner controlling deliberate acts of deprivation and/or tactile stimulation. The play is meant to heighten and intensify the experience of a submissive partner. Most of the time, BDSM tactile sensation play involves some level of pain, which is meant to release endorphins. Deprivation of sensation often involves blindfolding, gagging, restraining, and orgasm prevention.

How do I get started?

To begin with, sensation play only limited by your imagination and desire. So, talk to your partner and begin a conversation about what you would like to try. Here are some questions to help your explore:

  • What do you both want to experience?
  • Are you more interested in being deprived of a sensation?
  • Or, are you interested in tactile sensations?
  • Are you going to take turns, or have one person in control?
  • What are the boundaries in terms of intensity and pain?

Next, the sensations you create can come from just about anywhere. So round up some “pervertibles”. Pervertibles are common household objects that can be “perverted” for a sexual use. They are also great for using during sensation play. Think of objects you may have around the house that could be used as blindfolds, restraints, or that will provide some sort of tactile sensation.

Finally, set aside a nice chunk of time to play. Sensation play is the best when you are both relaxed and have time to spend exploring each other bodies. Remember, this is all about exploring and experimenting. So, if something isn’t working, pick a new sensation to play around with.

What are the most common “pervertibles”?

Here is a quick list to get you started:

  • Scarves and neckties – both are useful for creating blindfolds, restraints, and gags
  • Brushes – they may great spanking devices and provide a tactile sensation when grazed across skin
  • Lotions and baby oil – both will provide a decent massage
  • Ice – run it across your lovers lips, nipples, etc. Or, run it across your lips and tongue, then use your mouth on your partner.
  • Candles – 2 words: hot wax… drizzle it across your partner’s skin
  • Feathers and fingers – both make for great tickling devices
  • Clothespins – they provide a light pinch for nipples and skin
  • Leather belts – useful for light licks or intense whacks
  • Toothbrush – graze across the skin and erogenous areas
  • Spoons – pop them in the freezer or a cup of hot water, then touch your partner with them

Really, the skies the limit. Anything can be used to create a sensation. Again, you are only limited by your creativity and desire.

What are the best toys for sensation play?

The RedDoor carries a large selection of items that can be used for sensation play. These are my top suggestions:

sensation sets

1. Fetish Fantasy Deluxe Shock Therapy Kit – Give your sex life a “charge” with this incredible deluxe electro-sex kit. This electric stimulation Shock Therapy Kit is perfect for first-timers and those familiar to e-stimulation alike. With over 100 stimulation combinations to choose from, the possibilities are endless.

2. Pocket Dungeon Kit – the Erotic Adventurer. Pocket Dungeon features a top grade, napa leather case, chock filled with essentials, for all of your erotic adventures. Pocket Dungeon Kit includes: Riding Crop, Blindfold, Door Jams/Flashlights, Cuffs, Padlocks, Nipple Clamps, Claws, Bandeau, Knife, Leather Flogger, Ball Chain Flogger, Whip, Cane, Rope, Kubaton.

3. 50 Shades of Grey Submit to Me kit – The official “Fifty Shades of Gray” Collection’s beginners bondage kit! Each beautifully-presented set will provide you with the following products: 4 easy-tie bondage restraints in contrasting black and silver satin, each measuring 52.5 inches in length; No Peeking black satin blindfold with padded eye-mask and elasticated back; Twitchy Palm satin and faux leather spanking paddle, gift box; satin storage pouch.
For these and more sensational toys, check out the RedDoor’s BDSM section online HERE!

Yes, HARDER! (or my thoughts on pleasure and pain)

spanking

Believe it or not, there is a “Kinky Scale” when it comes to BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadomasochism). The scale was created by Dr. Charley Ferrer in 2007. Dr. Ferrer developed the scale to “provide a general idea of where [someone falls] within the world of dominance and submission.” (bdsmwriterscon.com, Oct. 22, 2013)  It ranges from 0 to 6, 0 being the most “vanilla” and 6 being the most “kinky” (see scale below).

Kinky Scale: 0 to 6

  • 0 – Totally vanilla, no desires nor dreams/fantasies
  • 1 – Dreams/fantasizes about it but doesn’t interact
  • 2 – Interacts in it, whether Dominant or submissive, on a compartmentalized basis
  • 3 – Fully embraces BDSM as part of their relationship and over 50% of their interpersonal/intimate relationships have a BDSM foundation/component (mixing D/s & vanilla)
  • 4 – 24/7 Master/slave interactions with their partner (over 75-80% of their interaction is D/s though vanilla interactions may be mixed in.)
  • 5 – Extreme BDSM practices (edge play)
  • 6 — Criminal sadist

To read more about the scale, click here.

If I had to pick a hard and fast number on the Kinky Scale, I would call myself a “2”. For the most part, I prefer the submissive role and like to keep my BDSM play confined to the bedroom. I like relenting, releasing control, being told what to do… in the bedroom! I don’t want to be a slave, however. I don’t have the patience to completely submit. I am what some of my Dom friends call a “brat”. I was once in a relationship where I was more of a “3”, but it didn’t work for me in the long run. I prefer my BDSM as a bedroom activity, but not much more.

When it comes to the S&M (Sadomasochism) part of BDSM, I would also say that I am a “2”, bordering on a “3”. I enjoy pain more than most people. I can actually tolerate quite a bit of pain. But, I am not actively seeking pain. And, I don’t want to do anything that could really bruise me or break my skin and make me bleed.  For example, I like to be spanked and man-handled. I like a firm bite that makes me wince, but not bleed. I like having my hair pulled on pretty hard. I don’t mind the pain of anal. And, I even don’t mind being belted, paddled, or flogged… just hard enough to make me notice and wince, but not hard enough to make me use a “safe word”.

In the past year, I became single after ending my “3” relationship of four years. I began the wild and not-so-wonderful world of dating. And, I decided to be frank about what I like and want and need. I am almost 40 years old. At this point, you just have to be yourself! Why waste time pretending to be someone you’re not? Why waste time on someone who isn’t going to give you what you want and need? It makes no sense. So, I embarked on dating with the intent to be as honest as possible about my sexual preferences without coming off as being crazy.

What I discovered was most men my age are solid 0’s when it comes to BDSM. They had no interest in or desire to try anything related to BDSM. Occasionally, I’ve met a few 1’s. They like to think about spanking or dominating a woman, but perhaps have been too scared to try. Or, maybe they just haven’t found the right woman with which to experiment. However, whenever I tell them about my BDSM likes, 0’s and 1’s alike always have 2 responses: they’d feel uncomfortable hurting someone, and they want to know why I like it.

Let me address the first statement… Do not feel uncomfortable with hurting me. I am asking you to hurt me. I WANT you to hurt me. And sometimes, I NEED you to hurt me to get me off. When I say “harder”, I mean “HARDER” and I will let you know if it’s too hard. I promise you that if you are doing anything outside of my comfort-zone, I will let you know immediately. Furthermore, I am not going to just jump into this. I want to get to know anyone before I let them experiment with me. I want to have conversations about it, so that we are both on the same page. We’re never going to do something if I don’t know you and trust you. If I trust you to hurt me, then know that it’s OK.

As for why I like it… I honestly don’t have a clear answer. Nothing happened to me as a child that caused me to have deep psychological issues where I desire punishment. It’s not that. I don’t really want to be punished, anyways. I think it’s just that I am a sensual person. I like anything to do with the senses. I like color and sound, art and music. I love tastes and smells, decadent foods and luxury perfumes. I like touch, sensual and soft, or hard and quick. So for me, a fast, hard smack on the ass ignites my senses. It lights up my body and keys me in to all the sensations of sex. A strong pull of my hair makes me hyper-aware that you’re thrusting inside me from behind. In other words, the pain heightens my pleasure. I don’t think that’s so hard to understand. All that aside, it’s just fun for me. I like to keep things interesting in the bedroom. I like variety. So, throwing in some BDSM every now and then adds the spice I need.

And, sometimes… I am just a naughty girl who needs a spanking. 😉

 

Body Worship 101

About a month ago, I met someone who confided in me that they LOVE to have their balls worshipped. I asked him what he meant, what exactly he expected someone to do in order to worship his balls. He basically said he likes to have his balls stroked, licked, kissed, and squeezed as much as possible. You may be thinking, “that’s not all that unusual.” But, it’s not so much the acts, as it is the frequency and intensity by which he desired it. To him, the ball worship alone could satisfy his desires. He didn’t just want in the context of foreplay and sex. He wanted it as a stand alone act, something sustained and intense. He wanted his balls to be someone else’s complete focus. As someone who tends to lean towards the submissive side, this really got my wheels turning…

Without knowing it, I had just had my first experience with body worship…

So, what is “body worship”? According to Wikipedia, body worship is “any practice of physically reverencing a part of another person’s body, and is usually done as a submissive act in the context of BDSM.” Typical kinds of body worship include worship of the testicles, muscles, penis, vagina, or bottom. But body worship could be the complete reverence and care of any body part that you find particularly beautiful or arousing on your partner. Or, maybe it’s an extremely sensitive part of your partner’s body, such as the neck, feet, and palms of the hands.

For those in the BDSM community, you may already be familiar with the concept and practice of body worship. But, for the average Dick or Jane, you may be asking: “How can I do this in my own relationship?” As always, what works for some may not work for others. But, here are some things to get you started in body worship…

Talk to your partner… Ask your partner what areas of their body they LOVE for you to touch. This could be an erogenous zone, or simply a part of their body they enjoy having touched. For example, I do love having my clit or nipples stroked. But, my neck and the small of my back also happy to places that bring me lots of joy.

Spend some time on that spot… Once you find out where your partner would like to be worshipped, spend some time caring for that spot. Have your partner stand or lay down in front of you. Take your time admiring its beauty. Compliment your partner. Softly touch, kiss, and lick the area. Clean, massage, or moisturize that spot. Make it your complete focus for as long as your partner would like.

Need ides? Here are some spots to get you started and ideas for worshipping them…

The Back – Wash your partner’s back in the shower. Then, help them dry off. Once they are lounging on the bed, run your fingers gently up and down your partner’s back. Kiss them from the tips of the spine to the base of the neck. Grab an edible massage cream and give them a light massage. Then, lick and kiss off the cream.

The Feet – Wash your partner’s feet in a warm bath. Scrub them with an exfoliating wash, really massaging them as you go along. Then, dry them off. Have your partner sit in a chair with you at their feet. Kiss the tops and soles of their feet. Then, kiss the pads of each toe. Grab an edible massage cream and give them a light massage. Then, lick and kiss off the oil. If your partner likes it, suck the cream off their toes!

The Neck, Arms, Legs – Steal ideas from the back and feet!!

The Penis – Begin by admiring your partner’s penis. Tell him how much you love having it inside you. Describe how it feels to you when he’s thrusting away. As you talk, gently take his penis in your hands and lightly stroke it. Use a lubricant to give him a slow, meaningful hand-job. Take your time and don’t rush it. As you stroke, stop to kiss, lick, and gently suck his penis. Tell him how powerful and big he feels in your hands. Make it all about how wonderful his penis is, and about his ultimate pleasure.

The Clitoris/Labia – Begin by admiring your partner’s pussy. Tell her how beautiful it is. Describe how it feels inside, how it tastes. As you talk, gently open her lips and lightly stroke her. Use a lubricant for extra sensation. Take your time and don’t rush it. As you stroke, stop to kiss, lick, and gently suck on her lips and clit. Tell her how soft and silky she feels in your hands, how sweet she smells. If stroking is not enough, lap your tongue softly and slowly against her. The key is to go slow and to focus on the whole area, kissing and nibbling her clit and the surrounding areas. Make it all about how wonderful her pussy is, and about her ultimate pleasure.

The Bottom – Take cues from all of the areas above. And, ask your partner what their limits are! Some men and women may only like external worship such as massaging and stroking. Some men and women may be more adventurous, enjoying penetration with fingers and tongues, or licking and kissing around the anus.

In the end, this is about serving your partner and making them your entire focus. It does not need to be an act of foreplay that leads to sex. It can purely be an act of intimacy, a way to connect with each other on a deeper level. The best body worship leaves your partner feeling amazing and extraordinarily loved and special!