50 Shades of Grey

Old-Fashioned Sex Advice Revisited

Sixty years ago, a woman’s pleasure was a thing to be whispered about. Sex outside of marriage was shameful. Sex toys, or anything other than missionary, were for cheap girls and harlots. We’ve certainly come a long way when it comes to adventurous sex. Porn is mainstream. Adult stores are big business, no longer back alley establishments. And movies like “50 Shades of Grey” have inspired women everyone to try a little BDSM. But should we completely discard old-fashioned beliefs about sex? Let’s take a look…

Old-fashioned Tip #1 – Your most important job is to build up and maintain his ego. Morale is a woman’s business.

This isn’t bad advice. Appreciating and complimenting your man builds up his confidence. And confidence is good for the bedroom. The more you praise his manhood and his efforts, the more he’s going to want to please you.

Old-fashioned Tip #2 – If you are one of those frigid or sexually anesthetic women, don’t be in a hurry to inform your husband about it.  To the man it makes no difference in the pleasurableness of the act whether you are frigid or not, unless he knows that you are frigid.  And he won’t know unless you tell him, and what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

Uhm, wrong. This one is definitely wrong with a capital “W”. A man knows if you are not enjoying yourself. And, if you are not enjoying himself, chances are it will ruin some part of the act for him. Can he still get off and orgasm even if you’re bored to tears? Yes, probably. But, can it also affect his performance and make it less pleasurable? Definitely. Only a major asshole doesn’t care if you are bored and miserable. So, throw this advice out the window and talk to your partner about what you do and don’t like. If he doesn’t want to listen and please you, ditch him!

Old-fashioned Tip #3 – Underwear should be spotlessly clean goes without saying, but every woman should wear the best quality underwear that she can afford.  And the color should be preferably pink.  And lace and ruffles, I am sorry to say, add to the attractiveness of underwear, and are liked by the average man.

This one has some merit to it. Not all men like lingerie or fancy underwear. But if you want to feel sexy… and you want him to see you as sexy… make sure whatever you’re wearing is in good shape, flattering, and preferably in a color you or he loves. No one is sexy is undies with stains or holes in them. So, I am not talking about always wearing satin and lace. You can still be sexy in cute cotton bras and panties. And the color doesn’t have to be pink. According to my research, men prefer black or white.

Old-fashioned Tip #4 – While sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured.

Say what? No. Just no. This is one old-fashioned sex tip I can’t believe exists! Sex should never be revolting or painful. If it is, you’re doing it wrong! Even when you want it to be painful, that should come from a place of pleasure, because you find that enjoyable.

Old-fashioned Tip #5The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.

Problem #1 with this tip… Sex no longer has to be enjoyed under the confines of marriage. Problem #2… If you are married, lessening the frequency of sex is bound to take its toll on your relationship. In fact, married couples should work hard to stay committed, keep things fresh, and try to have sex as much as possible. Distancing yourself from each other sexually is a fast track to divorce. Don’t let kids, work, and life get in the way of being intimate with each other.

Old-fashioned Tip #6A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her.

Oh, quite the contrary my friends! Being naked has many benefits to your health AND makes you want to have sex more often. How? It increases your circulation and improves your confidence – both of which have been proven to increase sex drive and sexual pleasure!

While we may learn from the past in most other circumstances, sex doesn’t seem to be one of them! Thank goodness we’ve come so far so that we can cum so far. I’ll take modern sex any day of the week!

XOXO, Bella

Add Some Shades of Grey to Your Life…

You’ve read the books. You’ve seen the movie… and even if you haven’t, surely you’ve heard all about Fifty Shades of Grey! Women everywhere have been stirred up for the last two years thanks to the erotic sensation! Toys sales have gone up. Couples are experimenting more. And, sex has been a hot topic in the media. All of this has created an opportunity for lovers to get a little kinkier without feeling embarrassed. So now it’s time to add some shades of grey to your own sex life! Here are our favorites from the exclusive Fifty Shades of Grey Collection available online and in-store at the RedDoor:

Shop the complete collection online at the RedDoor!

 

Sexy and Sensual Sensation Play!

What is “sensation play”?

Well, it depends on how you’re doing it. In short, it simply means experimenting with the senses.

For most vanilla couples, sensation play would be anything that delights in the senses, or erotic activities that impart physical sensations upon a partner. These activities could include the use of silk scarves, feathers, ice, massage oils, warm wax, and other similar implements. This is the more sensual side of sensation play, where the sensations are generally pleasing and light.

For kinkier couples or those who enjoy BDSM, sensation play can be much more intense. In this case, there tends to be more emphasis on a dominant partner controlling deliberate acts of deprivation and/or tactile stimulation. The play is meant to heighten and intensify the experience of a submissive partner. Most of the time, BDSM tactile sensation play involves some level of pain, which is meant to release endorphins. Deprivation of sensation often involves blindfolding, gagging, restraining, and orgasm prevention.

How do I get started?

To begin with, sensation play only limited by your imagination and desire. So, talk to your partner and begin a conversation about what you would like to try. Here are some questions to help your explore:

  • What do you both want to experience?
  • Are you more interested in being deprived of a sensation?
  • Or, are you interested in tactile sensations?
  • Are you going to take turns, or have one person in control?
  • What are the boundaries in terms of intensity and pain?

Next, the sensations you create can come from just about anywhere. So round up some “pervertibles”. Pervertibles are common household objects that can be “perverted” for a sexual use. They are also great for using during sensation play. Think of objects you may have around the house that could be used as blindfolds, restraints, or that will provide some sort of tactile sensation.

Finally, set aside a nice chunk of time to play. Sensation play is the best when you are both relaxed and have time to spend exploring each other bodies. Remember, this is all about exploring and experimenting. So, if something isn’t working, pick a new sensation to play around with.

What are the most common “pervertibles”?

Here is a quick list to get you started:

  • Scarves and neckties – both are useful for creating blindfolds, restraints, and gags
  • Brushes – they may great spanking devices and provide a tactile sensation when grazed across skin
  • Lotions and baby oil – both will provide a decent massage
  • Ice – run it across your lovers lips, nipples, etc. Or, run it across your lips and tongue, then use your mouth on your partner.
  • Candles – 2 words: hot wax… drizzle it across your partner’s skin
  • Feathers and fingers – both make for great tickling devices
  • Clothespins – they provide a light pinch for nipples and skin
  • Leather belts – useful for light licks or intense whacks
  • Toothbrush – graze across the skin and erogenous areas
  • Spoons – pop them in the freezer or a cup of hot water, then touch your partner with them

Really, the skies the limit. Anything can be used to create a sensation. Again, you are only limited by your creativity and desire.

What are the best toys for sensation play?

The RedDoor carries a large selection of items that can be used for sensation play. These are my top suggestions:

sensation sets

1. Fetish Fantasy Deluxe Shock Therapy Kit – Give your sex life a “charge” with this incredible deluxe electro-sex kit. This electric stimulation Shock Therapy Kit is perfect for first-timers and those familiar to e-stimulation alike. With over 100 stimulation combinations to choose from, the possibilities are endless.

2. Pocket Dungeon Kit – the Erotic Adventurer. Pocket Dungeon features a top grade, napa leather case, chock filled with essentials, for all of your erotic adventures. Pocket Dungeon Kit includes: Riding Crop, Blindfold, Door Jams/Flashlights, Cuffs, Padlocks, Nipple Clamps, Claws, Bandeau, Knife, Leather Flogger, Ball Chain Flogger, Whip, Cane, Rope, Kubaton.

BDSM 101: Kinky Basics for Everyone

bdsm-tflMaybe you already know what BDSM is, and going a little further intrigues you. Perhaps you’ve dabbled with spanking your partner. Or, maybe you’ve tied each other up with scarves. But now, you want to try more BDSM fun in the bedroom.

Or, maybe you’ve never heard of BDSM. Perhaps, you’re intimidated by the idea. Or, maybe you just don’t know how to get started, but would be interested in trying something like this in the bedroom.

Well, this is your primer for BDSM. I’m going to give you some basic ideas to get your kinky juices flowing!

First of all, let’s define BDSM:

B = bondage – using restraints as part of an intimate relationship

D = domination – a dominant partner controlling and/or punishing a submissive partner

S & M = sadism and masochism – giving (s) and receiving (m) pleasure from pain

Getting started… When getting started with any BDSM activity, talk to your partner FIRST! Discuss what you would like to try and come up with a game plan. It’s important to set up boundaries before you ever venture down this road. Why? It’s because many BDSM activities require a high level of trust between partners. So, talk, talk, talk about what you will and won’t do! Then, decide on a safe word, or code word, to use with your partner when you want things to stop. Remember, it’s ok to stop and regroup. You should never feel like you can’t trust your partner!

Now, let’s break everything down. I’m going to give you some basic ideas according to where they fall in the BDSM spectrum. Some of them might not be your thing, and that’s ok! The idea is to spice things up within YOUR comfort zone.

Bondage – There are so many easy ways to incorporate bondage into your sex life!

  • Grab a leash and walk your partner around the bedroom
  • Use furry handcuffs or silk rope to restrict your partner’s use of their hands, or to lock them to a bedpost or chair
  • Try a ball gag to muffle your partner’s pleas for mercy or cries of ecstasy
  • Use a spreader bar to restrict the use of your partner’s legs
  • Go all the way and use hog ties or wrist and leg cuffs to completely restrict your partner’s movements

Domination – This is all about one person being in charge, with the other relinquishing control.

  • Pretend your partner is your love slave and have them work to earn their freedom by doing anything you say
  • Control your partner by repeatedly stimulating them, but not allowing them to have an orgasm
  • Role play having one of you be the servant (think French maid, pool boy, love robot, etc.)
  • Try a remote controlled panty vibe where you or your partner is in charge of the amount of stimulation received
  • Use a blindfold and do not allow your partner to see what you’re about to do next

S&M – This is all about giving and/or receiving pain. But, it doesn’t mean you have to hurt each other. Start on the softer side with any of these suggestions and work your way up to more intensity!

  • Try using nipple clamps for an exciting pinch
  • Pick up a paddle, riding crop, or leather flogger, then lightly smack each other on sensitive areas
  • Drip hot wax onto each other’s backsides
  • Try an electro-stimulation kit on sensitive areas with the dial set to low
  • Use your teeth to gently bite sensitive areas

Want to try some of the ideas above? Check out our BDSM selection online. You’ll find many items to help you get started.

Want to try some harder stuff? Do your research! Talk to your partner about your desires AND boundaries. And, the visit one of our 3 Charlotte are stores. We have a much larger, and kinkier, selection of BDSM items in-store.