Making a Sexy To-Do List…

I am pretty sure that I am not like most women… or men, for that matter, when it comes to sex. I think about sex a LOT! And yes, men probably think about sex as much as I do. But, I bet most of them don’t think of the in the way that I do. Most men just think about doing it. Period. I think about all the fun and creative things I can do during sex. I think about role play ideas. I think about different positions for sex, or places to have sex. Basically, I am often making a mental to-do list for my sex life.

And honestly, you should be making one, too…

Why? For one thing, it’s fun! Thinking about your sexy to-do list is certainly more fun than thinking about the chores you need to do this evening. Also, it’s a form of daydreaming… and daydreaming helps to relieve stress and boredom. But most of all, it gives you a powerful tool for maintaining a healthy love-life…. VARIETY! Variety in your love-life keeps you connected, excited, and coming back for more. So, make a sexy to-do list. Put anything and everything you’ve been dying to try on the list.

But, what do you do with the list once you’ve made it? First, tell you partner you’ve got all these fun ideas for your love-life. Get them on board with making their own list. Then, share your lists with one another. In fact, make it a date! Decide on a mutual to-do list, one you both can agree on with things from each persons list. Next, jot the to-do items on slips of paper. Keep the slips of paper in a box or jar by the bed. Every now and then, take turns pulling an item out of the jar and start crossing things off your list!

Need ideas? Here are a few of the items on my sexy to-do list…

• Sex in a hot tub – It’s been a while since I’ve had the chance to fuck in a hot tub. And hot tubs are an awesome spot for girl-on-top sex!
• Wear a wireless bullet in public – Surprisingly, I’ve never done this! I’ve had partners talk about it, but never commit to doing it!
• Ride a face – Another one that I haven’t done in a while… but, oh so fun!
• Be completely tied up – I’ve been partially restrained, but would love to be completely restrained… and then teased and fucked!
• Use edible body paint – I’ve used this before. But, I had a new idea for it. I want my lover to paint my clit with it, then lick the paint off. Then I want my lover to repeat this pattern over… and over… and over again!
• Have sex outside – I’ve done this plenty! But it’s been too cold. And now that the weather is warmer…
• Use my We-Vibe 4 – I just got one recently and need to break it in! I want to use it for double penetration, ASAP!
• Dress up for my partner – Yes, dress up! I want to put on heels, stockings and garters, a sexy bra and panty set, and a sexy dress. I want him to know what’s under the dress, take me to dinner, and have to wait to reap the rewards!
• Use an accommodator – This is a chin-strap with a dong attached to it. Oh boy, would this be fun with a face ride!
• Role play for my partner – I want to know what his fantasy is, and then act it out for him.
• Buy a piece of sex furniture – I am dying for a piece of Liberator sex furniture! It would be awesome to have one!!
• Shop for new toys and/or lingerie with my partner – It’s more fun to pick it out together.

Pegging 101: A Guide to Straight Strap-on Sex

Are you a woman who has a man that’s interested in anal stimulation? Or, are you a man who would like to be penetrated?

Believe it or not, many straight men like anal penetration – with toys, fingers, tongues, and more. Yes, it’s true! I have been with men who’ve enjoyed it and would have never dreamed of having sex with a man. Why do straight men enjoy penetration? It’s because the prostate is located inside the anal canal. The prostate is a hot-bed of erogenous sensation. At minimum, prostate stimulation feels good and can intensify orgasms. However, some men can achieve orgasm by stimulation the prostate alone.

One of the ways to stimulate the prostate is with “pegging”. Pegging is defined as “a woman using a strap-on on her male partner for anal penetration.” Essentially, you are reversing roles. In pegging, the woman takes on the role of the man, penetrating her partner from behind.

I’ve already explained how this can be pleasurable for men on a physical level. But let me add that it can be mentally stimulating, as well. Many men enjoy the act of surrender or loss of control. They are used to being the penetrator, the one who controls the depth and speed. But, allowing themselves to be pegged creates an erotic feeling derived from surrender and/or assuming the role of the female.

You may also be asking yourself, “how is this pleasurable for a woman?” Well, from my experience, there is a tremendous amount of eroticism in being the one in charge. Dominating a partner, being the penetrator… both of these things provide a sense of power. And as we all know, power can be intoxicating. Furthermore, if you use a vibrator or bullet in combination with a harness, a woman can achieve a high level of stimulation during the repeated thrusting required in pegging!

If you’re interested in trying pegging, here are some things you want to keep in mind:

Communicating – Communication is key before and during pegging. Both of you should talk about what you’d like to try, or what your fears may be. This is new territory for you both! She’s never been in the role of penetrator and may need time getting used to the motion and rigor it takes to continuously thrust. He may not be used to the size of the toy, or the thrusting motion of being pegged. During your experimentation, make sure you both communicate about what he’d like more or less of, and if anything hurts. It’s ok to talk about it until you both feel comfortable!

Planning – Set aside some quality time to shop for a good harness, attachments, and lubrication. Then, make sure you have plenty of time to experiment. Being relaxed is key!! During your experimentation, GO SLOW. Rushing this is not going to work. Remember, this type of penetration requires more trust than traditional sex does. Plowing along full speed ahead can ruin the whole experience and cause your partner pain.

Preparing – Get to know your body and when you’re most “empty”. That can go a long way in keeping things clean. Your rectum is usually empty unless you really need to go. However, if you’d both feel more comfortable, cleaning the anal canal can ensure a mess-free experience. You can do this with a mild enema. Or, check out these helpful hygiene items from our online store.

Lubricating – The anus does not produce any natural lubrication. So, using a water-based, high quality lube will make things a lot easier. It will reduce friction and make any kind of anal penetration more comfortable. I suggest using System Jo’s H20 anal formula. If he’s really nervous about the pain, try using a desensitizing lubricant such as Liquid Sex’s anal formula. The numbing agent will take the edge off. But, it’s especially important to go slow and gentle with a numbing lube, as he won’t be able to feel if something is not working right.

Finding a good harness – There are many styles. But, the key is to find something that is comfortable for YOU to wear. I suggest trying on a harness, if possible. Most stores will allow you to slip one on over your panties. This ensures you have the best idea of how the harness will fit. In my experience, you want a harness that will fit very snuggly, and as flat against your pubic area as possible. This allows for maximum control as you thrust. An ill-fitting or loose harness will make it very hard for you to thrust and control the dong. Also, you want something that will not rub against your skin. Look for a harness that is made of soft, sturdy materials that is lined or padded for your pubic area. You also want something that has belt-like buckles to secure the harness. I find that Velcro is uncomfortable and not always secure. The same goes for loop buckles, which tend to slip and loosen during the action. The last thing you want is for you harness to fall off during pegging! Check out our online selection of harnesses here.

Selecting the attachment – Start with a small attachment, and then work up to something bigger. Even a small toy can make a big impact in heightening his climax. It allows him to get used to the sensation without any pain. Also, small toys tend to be easier to control and less cumbersome for her. I also suggest using rigid toys in the beginning. They also tend to be much easier to control, which will help her until she gets used to handling the dong, the thrusting motion, and maintain the dominant position.  Need ideas? Check out our anal toys online or visit us in-store for more selection!

 

G-Spot 101: A Map to Her Happy Place

How can you take her orgasms from “oh” to “OOOHHH”? By discovering her g-spot! This unique spot within the vaginal wall contains nerve-packed tissue that when stimulated properly can create intense orgasms. Set aside some time with your partner to explore this erogenous zone, and take her orgasms to a whole new level…

What is the g-spot?

The g-spot is the walnut-shaped, spongy tissue of the paraurethral gland. It’s known as the female prostate because its tissue surrounds an area that produces chemicals similar to those made by the male prostate. The actual area is only about the size of a quarter, but it feels rougher to the touch than the surrounding tissue. Underneath the g-spot is extremely sensitive tissue that, when stimulated properly, triggers feelings of sexual happiness. It is located about one to two inches back from the vaginal opening inside the front vaginal wall.

How can I find the g-spot?

Start by spreading her legs with her knees bent, so her vagina is open and accessible. Stimulate her clitoris and get her sufficiently aroused. The g-spot will be much easier to find this way. Then, with the palm of your hand facing up, insert two fingers inside, pressing your fingertips against the center of the upper vaginal wall. Using moderate pressure, slowly rub your fingers along the wall looking for a ridged or textured area. The g-spot should feel slightly rougher than the rest of the vaginal wall. If you find it, your partner will definitely know and feel an deep arousal, or even the sensation of needing to urinate.

How can I stimulate the g-spot?

1. Tapping – The is an effective way of stimulating the g-spot without a lot of fuss. Simply use the tip of your finger to tap firmly and repeatedly on her G-spot. This slowly builds waves of sensation which can lead to an intense climax.

2. Girl on top – Activating the g-spot in missionary position is almost next to impossible. The best positions for g-spot stimulation are girl-on-top. Try traditional girl-on-top with your partner tilted slightly back, leaning away from you. Or try reverse cowgirl (read here for tips on this position). These positions work best because it forces your penis to rub against the upper vaginal wall, making the g-spot much easier to stimulate.

3. Prop up her bottom – If you are set on missionary, you must elevate her hips. The incline forces your penis to press directly into the g-spot zone! An added bonus? It also makes for maximum penetration. I suggest using one of our many Liberator ramp styles. Compared to a traditional pillow, the high-density foam of a Liberator ramp, maintains its shape, supports the body, and prevents sinking into the bed.

4. Try a toy – Take the guesswork out of finding and stimulating her g-spot. Many toys are designed to specifically to locate and stimulate the g-spot. Their curved shapes automatically put pressure on the g-spot… and the vibrations help stimulate it, too! For maximum g-spot bliss, try one of these stimulating toys:

• Sensuelle Impulse Slimline –  If you have the urge to try something new, the Sensuelle Impulse Slimline Vibe Black will exceed your expectations. It has a deceptively simple, sleek design starting with the subtle grooves and continues on to the special hook handle. Do not be fooled, as the Sensuelle Impulse has special hidden features aimed to unveil your sensuality. It has a deeply intense motor, with multi function modes, designed to create powerful sensations easily with the touch of a finger.
• Juicy Jewels Tangerine Dream – Diamonds used to be a girl’s best friend…until they tried one of these precious Juicy Jewels. Made from super-soft phthalate-free jelly, these incredible vibes deliver thrilling sensations and lasting satisfaction, in or out of water.
• Wonderland Pleasurepillar – The world of WonderLand is full of erotic surprises and satisfying delights. Get spot-on stimulation with the Pleasurepillar. A mysterious character, this playful silicone caterpillar features a g-spot curve, 10 powerful functions, and a waterproof design that will make you positively squirm with delight. You can take the fantasy with you, wherever you may go, through the looking glass and beyond!
• OVO K2 Rabbit – The German Designed K2 Rabbit from ovo is rounded for comfortable use and features a double application. The K2 is showerproof, whisper quiet and constructed of lead-free, phthalate-free, 100% body-safe silicone material. Additional features include: powerful motor; 5 programs; standard battery usage. Uses AAA cells. The K2 has been honored with a red dot design award – honourable mention 2013.
• We-Vibe 4 – Available in stores! The world’s no. 1 couples vibrator, completely redesigned for better fit, heightened intensity and more control. She wears it during sex for extra stimulation to her clitoris and g-spot. Together you both share the vibe.
• LELO Gigi – Available in stores! GIGI is a pleasure object dedicated to G-spot joy and more. Carefully sculpted to unlock the secrets of this mysterious and special place, her dramatic shape will ensure success. Five pre-programmed stimulation modes and a virtually silent vibrator engine deliver deep and vibrant sensations with spot-on precision. Her stem houses an impressively vibrant pleasure point, while the intuitive interface dial lets you control vibration intensity and stimulation mode to craft your own experience.

 

Hello, Kinky: How to Introduce a Fetish or Kink!

I am not what you would call “vanilla.” I like to do things in the bedroom that most people would consider adventurous. I often find myself holding back on my desires when I first meet someone. It’s because letting down your guard can be hard, especially when it comes to your deepest desires. So, expressing those desires to a new partner can be a little scary. Will they laugh at you? Will they slap you? Will they run off? Maybe…

But, perhaps they may get excited and entertain the idea of enjoying those desires with you. Maybe they’ve had those same desires all along. Let’s face it… almost EVERYONE has some type of kink, fetish, and at minimum, fantasy. We all have something that we think others won’t do, or may think is weird. Opening up to each other shouldn’t be so scary. It should and can be a fun process of discovery!

So, here are some tips on how to share your kinks, fetishes, fantasies, and other twists with your partner!

1) Own your kinks.

Realize that most fantasies, fetishes, and kinks are more normal than you think… then, get comfortable with that fact. If you are comfortable with your desires, your partner will be more comfortable with your desires. It’s that simple. If you pitch the idea as something out of the ordinary, it only serves to make things awkward. So, own your kink. Do not be ashamed of it.

2) Make sure your partner knows this is special for you.

Sharing a secret with someone implies trust. So, when sharing a kink, make sure you let your partner know that is it because you TRUST them with this special information. Emphasize that this is a desire you want to share only with them, that it is because you find them desirable and special. And, to further the point, make sure your partner knows that by fulfilling your desires, they become irresistible to you.

3) Show your partner examples.

This helps confirm that your kink is, in fact, fairly normal. Anal, foot fetishes, spanking, bondage, dom/sub, squirting… Yep, all pretty routine kinks. And for just about any kink, you can find a video, blog, and/or article explaining, demonstrating, or praising it. But, don’t just spring this information on them. Set aside a time to explore the kink together. Once you’ve opened up the topic, simply ask your partner if they would be open to watching a video or reading an article on the subject. If they say “yes”, give them time and space to explore the idea.

4) Don’t bring out the big guns first.

Go slow. Start small. Ease them into it. Don’t show up with a whip and a leather mask just yet… Pick something in your kink that’s not intimidating and work your way up. The more comfortable your partner gets with the kink, the more you can introduce. Plus, if you allow someone to go at their own pace, you increase the likelihood of them saying “yes” to something you want to try.

5) And finally… COMMUNICATE!

Whatever your kinks, fetishes, fantasies, or desires are, don’t hold them back from your partner. Being sexually unsatisfied isn’t fun for anyone.  So, talk about what you want… I firmly believe that with patience, communication, and respect, partners can satisfy each others desires, no matter how varied they may be!

The Joys of Reverse Cowgirl

Oh boy, do I love sex! It’s my favorite thing to do with someone I like or love. Forget movies, dinner, shows, jewelry… Instead, spend a day in bed with me, pleasing me and making me cum. I never get bored with sex. I am always trying new toys, new role plays, new tips or tricks, new games, and new positions. But, there is one thing I go back to time and time again… REVERSE COWGIRL.

Reverse Cowgirl is hands-down my favorite position for sex – for both vaginal and anal. I love being on top and being in control. So, here’s a quick primer on the position and why I love it so much!

Why Reverse Cowgirl?

• In my opinion, it’s much easier to straddle him this way. It’s because his hips support you instead of pushing you forward.
• You’re in control, so you can do whatever feels best for you. You control the speed, the penetration, and the motion!
• You have easier access to your clitoris. So stroke yourself or use a toy, which won’t be in the way!
• You can play with his testicles as you grind him.
• If you lean back a little, it’ll really stimulate your g-spot.
• Men are visual creatures. So, he gets an amazing view of your ass and can see himself sliding in and out.
• He has easier access to your ass, and can slip a finger in for extra stimulation.
• For anal, this position allows you to be in control of insertion rate and penetration depth.

The Basic Reverse Cowgirl: Have your guy lie on his back and, facing his feet, straddle him with your knees on either side of his hips.

Variation 1: Slide your legs under his, so that his legs are resting on your calves. In my opinion, this creates a tighter sensation for him, and makes it easier to move in an up and down motion.

Variation 2: Do it scissor style… In other words, swing one leg over his and keep the other in between his legs. This makes it so that you are straddling one of his legs, not both. In the scissor version of this position, you can grind your clit against his leg. This variation also seems to allow for greater penetration.

Variation 3: If it’s more comfortable, simply squat on him with your feet flat on the bed. This also creates a tighter sensation for him, and makes it easier to creating a grinding or rotating motion.

Want to spice things up even more? Try these tips…

• Use a bullet to stroke your clit as you rock back and forth. I suggest the We Vibe Tango. This small vibe is compact yet incredibly powerful and satisfying. It’ll make any cowgirl holler “YAHOO!”
• Slip in a vibrating butt plug. You’ll have that intense full feeling for a stronger orgasm. He’ll feel the vibration on his shaft. I suggest the Party Girl Plug, or any one of our other vibrating plugs.
• Have him slide a slim pair of anal beads in and out of your ass as you ride him. I suggest Shane’s World Beads with a handy retrieval ring. The ring allows him to push and pull the beads with ease… and pleasure!
•  Like nipple stimulation? Use vibrating nipple clamps for hands-free pleasure while you are on top!

Body Worship 101

About a month ago, I met someone who confided in me that they LOVE to have their balls worshipped. I asked him what he meant, what exactly he expected someone to do in order to worship his balls. He basically said he likes to have his balls stroked, licked, kissed, and squeezed as much as possible. You may be thinking, “that’s not all that unusual.” But, it’s not so much the acts, as it is the frequency and intensity by which he desired it. To him, the ball worship alone could satisfy his desires. He didn’t just want in the context of foreplay and sex. He wanted it as a stand alone act, something sustained and intense. He wanted his balls to be someone else’s complete focus. As someone who tends to lean towards the submissive side, this really got my wheels turning…

Without knowing it, I had just had my first experience with body worship…

So, what is “body worship”? According to Wikipedia, body worship is “any practice of physically reverencing a part of another person’s body, and is usually done as a submissive act in the context of BDSM.” Typical kinds of body worship include worship of the testicles, muscles, penis, vagina, or bottom. But body worship could be the complete reverence and care of any body part that you find particularly beautiful or arousing on your partner. Or, maybe it’s an extremely sensitive part of your partner’s body, such as the neck, feet, and palms of the hands.

For those in the BDSM community, you may already be familiar with the concept and practice of body worship. But, for the average Dick or Jane, you may be asking: “How can I do this in my own relationship?” As always, what works for some may not work for others. But, here are some things to get you started in body worship…

Talk to your partner… Ask your partner what areas of their body they LOVE for you to touch. This could be an erogenous zone, or simply a part of their body they enjoy having touched. For example, I do love having my clit or nipples stroked. But, my neck and the small of my back also happy to places that bring me lots of joy.

Spend some time on that spot… Once you find out where your partner would like to be worshipped, spend some time caring for that spot. Have your partner stand or lay down in front of you. Take your time admiring its beauty. Compliment your partner. Softly touch, kiss, and lick the area. Clean, massage, or moisturize that spot. Make it your complete focus for as long as your partner would like.

Need ides? Here are some spots to get you started and ideas for worshipping them…

The Back – Wash your partner’s back in the shower. Then, help them dry off. Once they are lounging on the bed, run your fingers gently up and down your partner’s back. Kiss them from the tips of the spine to the base of the neck. Grab an edible massage cream and give them a light massage. Then, lick and kiss off the cream.

The Feet – Wash your partner’s feet in a warm bath. Scrub them with an exfoliating wash, really massaging them as you go along. Then, dry them off. Have your partner sit in a chair with you at their feet. Kiss the tops and soles of their feet. Then, kiss the pads of each toe. Grab an edible massage cream and give them a light massage. Then, lick and kiss off the oil. If your partner likes it, suck the cream off their toes!

The Neck, Arms, Legs – Steal ideas from the back and feet!!

The Penis – Begin by admiring your partner’s penis. Tell him how much you love having it inside you. Describe how it feels to you when he’s thrusting away. As you talk, gently take his penis in your hands and lightly stroke it. Use a lubricant to give him a slow, meaningful hand-job. Take your time and don’t rush it. As you stroke, stop to kiss, lick, and gently suck his penis. Tell him how powerful and big he feels in your hands. Make it all about how wonderful his penis is, and about his ultimate pleasure.

The Clitoris/Labia – Begin by admiring your partner’s pussy. Tell her how beautiful it is. Describe how it feels inside, how it tastes. As you talk, gently open her lips and lightly stroke her. Use a lubricant for extra sensation. Take your time and don’t rush it. As you stroke, stop to kiss, lick, and gently suck on her lips and clit. Tell her how soft and silky she feels in your hands, how sweet she smells. If stroking is not enough, lap your tongue softly and slowly against her. The key is to go slow and to focus on the whole area, kissing and nibbling her clit and the surrounding areas. Make it all about how wonderful her pussy is, and about her ultimate pleasure.

The Bottom – Take cues from all of the areas above. And, ask your partner what their limits are! Some men and women may only like external worship such as massaging and stroking. Some men and women may be more adventurous, enjoying penetration with fingers and tongues, or licking and kissing around the anus.

In the end, this is about serving your partner and making them your entire focus. It does not need to be an act of foreplay that leads to sex. It can purely be an act of intimacy, a way to connect with each other on a deeper level. The best body worship leaves your partner feeling amazing and extraordinarily loved and special!

Deep throat confessional…

I am a pro at sucking dick. Yes, I admit it… I give stellar blowjobs. Past partners have gone nuts over my oral skills (pun intended). I get into it. I consider giving blowjobs an art, and strive to make it the best experience possible for my partner. I use my hands and tongue. I take it as deep as I can, and even like to gag a little. I make sure the balls are loved and will throw in anal teasing, if those things please my partner! It’s one of my favorite things to do. In fact, I sometimes prefer a partner to cum down my throat after we’ve fucked a while. I just think it’s hot to taste myself on their cock.

So how do you give a good blowjob? Each man will have a different take on what is good, what they like. But, most men will say that taking their cock deep into your throat is a must. I think part of this is because it provides the head of the penis the most sensation. The back of the throat is a tight spot and probably feel a lot like a vagina. Also, the deeper you can take their cock into your mouth, the more attention the shaft gets. And, well, it’s probably also a power trip. Thrusting your cock as far as you can into someone’s mouth has to feel amazingly powerful.

Our customers like to please their partners. So I get a lot of questions about helping women orgasm, etc. And many customers have asked me, “How do you learn to take it deep?” So, I thought I would drop some wisdom on the best way to deep throat a cock…

1. Relax! The gag reflex is triggered by a combination of psychology and physiology. So, if you are nervous, tense, or uptight about deep throating, it’s not going to work. Relaxing your body allows the muscles in your mouth and neck to loosen up, and therefore be ready to take it deep.

2. Figure out where your gag reflex is… and then work to desensitize it. You can do this using your toothbrush. Simply find your gag spot and brush it for 10 seconds a night. Once you’ve stopped gagging at that point, move your toothbrush further back.

3. Breathe through your nose. Practice this by holding a banana or cucumber in your mouth, breathing through your nose for as long as possible without wanting to gasp. Again, it helps if you are relaxed!

4. Get it the right position! You want to be in a position where you can slightly tilt your head back, which helps straighten out your neck. This creates a straight line from your mouth to the back of your throat, allowing the penis to slide in deep. Two of the best positions to be in are: 1) both of you lying on your sides, or 2) with your head leaning over the edge of the bed. Play around with these to find which is most comfortable for you!

5. Use a flavored lube! I know that saliva provides natural lubrication. But that’s not quite enough for deep throating a cock. An rock-hard, erect penis will glide much easier into the throat, if it is well lubricated. Try one of our flavors from Sex Tarts. The tart lube not only provides a slick flavor, but the tartness increase your saliva production.

6. Practice and go slow at first! If you take it deep and want to gag, stop and leave his cock there for as long as you can before having him pull back. Do this process as many times as you can handle. Eventually, you’ll work your away to taking him deeper and deeper into the back of your throat. Remember to be patient with yourself and your lover. You’re trying to overcome a natural instinct to gag, which is much like trying to overcome the urge to blink!

7. If all else fails… use a numbing spray to desensitize the back of your throat. I suggest Comfortably Numb. This spray comes with E-Z spray nozzle that produces an ultra fine mist to coat and numb the throat. It’s flavored and specially formulated to reduce the gag reflex and prevent discomfort during deep throating.

Need more tips? Check out our selection of books on blowjobs and oral sex!

 

 

Dating and Married Men

Before you immediately get yourself in a big huff, this post is NOT about dating married men! So simmer down and relax! No, no… this post is about my experience as a single woman, and the myriad of married men who contact me on dating websites. It’s my thoughts about why this happens. And, it’s hopefully a eye-opener for both the married men on the sites, and the women who are married to them!

I’ve been single for about 7 months. During that time, I have been on just about every popular dating website – Match, POF, OkCupid, etc. And while on these sites, I cannot count the number of times a married man has messaged me. I’d estimate it at about 2 a week. Mind you, these are the ones who were honest about the fact that they were married. Who knows how many are out there that are lying about their relationship status.

After about the 5th message from a married man, I set aside my dismay and anger, and began to wonder… Why are they on here? Why are they messaging me? Why do they want to cheat on their wives? So, being a curious person, I asked. Yes, I asked. And surprisingly enough, many of them answered in very candid ways.

What did I find out? The most common responses were something along these lines:

“My wife doesn’t want to have sex with me anymore.”
“My wife and I do have sex, but it’s very boring and I need a change.”

Overall, they all expressed their love for their wives. They all said they were otherwise happy and wanted to stay married. But, the common denominator was a lack of satisfaction in their sex lives.

This saddens me. I believe that a fulfilling sex life with your partner is one of the key ingredients to a long-lasting and happy relationship. And, you can’t have a successful love-life without communication. But, it’s one of the last things we as couples feel comfortable discussing. Much of this has to do with societal norms, upbringing, etc. But, it’s something we need to address and change. You should be able to talk about sex with your partner!

And here is my response to the married men who are seeking sex outside of their relationships…

TALK TO YOUR WIVES! Go to her first. Talk to her. Tell her your needs and desires. If you are otherwise happy, you should be able to talk to her about such intimate matters. Maybe she would be willing to try some of the things you want to try. You never know unless you ask. Give her the chance to hear you out!

Furthermore, ask yourself a question – are you being reasonable? Maybe the things you are interested in are not reasonable requests for a happily married couple to experience. If you are basing your desires on porn, realize that those are actors and not everyone does those things. And the threesome you’ve always wanted? That doesn’t happen often and isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be.

Finally, are you being sensitive? Perhaps she doesn’t want to have sex with you anymore because you are not being sensitive to HER needs. Women need affection and support in order to feel turned-on by their partner. Maybe she resents how little you help out, or how little time you spend with her. Or, could it be that you are not taking the time to make sure she is satisfied? Women need a lot more time, dedication, and stimulation to achieve orgasm. If you are taking care of your needs, and your needs only, I don’t blame her for giving up on sex!

And here is my response to WOMEN of married men who are seeking sex outside of their relationships…

TALK TO YOUR HUSBANDS! Go to him. Talk to him. Tell him your needs and desires. Tell him what you need in order to feel sexy and desired. Tell him what you need to make sex feel better for you. Tell him what you need in order to create time and energy for sex. Give him a chance to learn and change his ways. He’s not a mind-read and he needs you to TELL HIM what you want out of sex!

Or, have you given up on sex? How about on being sexy? I know you work hard, and take care of the kids, and have groceries to get. But, keep in mind that most men are very sexual creatures. Your relationship with him, and the sex he craves, should come before all of those other things in life. I am not saying devote all your time and attention to him. I am saying find a balance. Cut out one activity or obligation a week, and make time for sex!

Finally, don’t be afraid to spice things up. Just because he wants to try a strap-on, or anal, or watching a porn together does NOT mean he is not happy with you. It means that he needs a little something extra and wants to try it with YOU! Be open to the possibilities within your comfort zone. Don’t immediately shut him down. You never know…  you might awaken things within yourself you never thought were possible. You might experience a greater intimacy and satisfaction with your husband.

If it’s something you are willing to work on together, you could connect ways you thought were long gone. A marriage is such an important relationship, and sex should not be the reason why it falls apart. This is especially true in this day and age. Using adult toys, and talking about sex in the media, are much more accepted. There are all sorts of toys and accessories designed especially with couples in mind. And, the options for improving your sex life in the adult toy world are abundant! There’s honestly no reason for a man to look outside of his relationship for sex… nor for a woman to be unsatisfied with sex!

Need ideas… Here are couples toys that could change your sex life:

We Vibe 4 – The world’s no. 1 couples vibrator, completely redesigned for better fit, heightened intensity and more control. She wears it during sex for extra stimulation to her clitoris and G-spot. Together you both share the vibe.

Hump, Bump & Vibe – This discrete cushion elevates the hips for ultimate penetration and g-spot stimulation. Plus, the included bullet makes for extra pleasure by stimulating the clitoris.

OVO B7 Vibrating Cock Ring – The German Designed B7 Pleasure Ring from OVO is rounded for comfortable use and features a dynamic and modern shape. The B7 is showerproof, whisper quiet and constructed of lead-free, phthalate-free, 100% body-safe silicone material. The ring will give him a longer, stronger erection, while the vibe is designed to stroke her clitoris for maximum pleasure.

Luna Beads Mini – Luna Beads are the world’s bestselling Kegel weights system. They ensure that every woman can find her perfect fit for the most effective pelvic floor workout. LELO’s elegant update on the classic ben wa balls offers users longer, stronger, more attainable orgasms; reduced risk of incontinence and other pelvic floor disorders; and a faster return to tone and tightness after giving birth.

Encounter Clitoral/G-spot Lube – New Encounter Female Lubricants are a unique line of specially formulated lubricants to meet the needs and desires of the female body. Amazing Encounter. Using paraben free ingredients and non glycerin based formulations, Encounter Female Lubricants offer women a range of personal care products specifically designed to enhance pleasure with comfort and ease.

Anal Ese – This desensitizing lubricant makes anal penetration more comfortable and pleasurable.

Liquid V – The power of the V has arrived!! Liquid V is the strongest female stimulating product on the market today. It is formulated to help increase stimulation and blood flow to the clitoris and amplify the strength of female climax while producing a warm tingling sensation that women love.

Max Size Cream – A great complement to MaxSize tablets, MaxSize Cream is the only topical erectile enhancement that delivers immediate results. Applied generously MaxSize Cream engorges the penis giving men a firm long lasting erection. With a cooling, heated tingly sensation your partner will love it too. Lightly flavored with mint making it edible.

How to get your girl to swallow!

It’s the age-old question – do you spit or swallow? It’s on every guy’s mind. It’s the one thing they need to know before considering having sex with you. The answer could easily sway their opinion of you. Swallow? You could be his dream girl. Spit? He’s on the fence for sure!

I swallow. I know… it’s a radical idea. A girl that swallows?! Say what?! Well apparently, less than 30% of women swallow. I had no idea I was so special. I’ve been single a while and the question comes up from time to time in conversation. When I tell a guy that I swallow, this little light bulb goes off above their head. Or, they get a wicked gleam in their eyes. I can see the hamster wheel spinning… I can hear their internal voice whisper, “this girl is a keeper!”

Well, fellas… Have you ever thought about WHY I might be so rare? Why is it that so few women want to swallow your junk? A lot of it has to do with how you treat her and how you taste. It’s really as simple as that. So, stay tuned, and read away… If you follow these simple steps, your girl might be more likely to swallow!

1. RECIPROCATE – That’s right… reciprocate. If you are not willing to go down on your girl, then why should she be willing to take a load of your cum? So, if you want your girl to be more receptive to oral, give her more oral. She’ll be more likely to please you, if she is being pleased.

2. CLEAN YOURSELF – Make sure your parts are fresh and clean. A pair of sweaty balls is not the most appetizing thing in the world. Shower or freshen up before foreplay. Even a quick wipe down with a warm washcloth can go a long way. All sweaty and gross? Skip foreplay altogether!

3. EAT RIGHT – Eating kiwi, plums, blueberries, cranberries, watermelon, pineapple, and celery will lighten the taste of your cum. Beer and coffee will make your cum taste bitter. Dairy products can produce putrid tastes. So, watch what you eat! Sweeter cum is easier to swallow. Just sayin’!

4. SWEETEN THE DEAL – Cum can be hard to swallow. It’s thick and pasty. It doesn’t exactly taste great. So, sweeten the experience for her. Incorporate sweet foods like chocolate covered strawberries or champagne. After she swallows, feed her a bite of the berry and a sip of the bubbly! It’ll wash away the taste, and it’ll be romantic!

At the end of the night, whether she swallows is not a measure of how much she enjoys being with you, or her worth as a partner. If your girl simply can not swallow, don’t pressure her. And don’t be offended! Find other ways to enjoy the blowjob. You could always, pull out and cum on her chest. That’s got to be just as hot, right?! Give my advice a shot. But, if you’re load is still too much to swallow, don’t worry! You’re still getting a blowjob. Beggars can’t be choosers!

The Case for Setting the Mood

I don’t know about you, but I have a VERY busy schedule. I work a full-time, Monday through Friday job. I am raising a child. I have friends and social obligations. And there’s housework and errands… and granted, I am single right now. But, if I had a partner, there would be even more on my plate. So, at the end of the day, if there is time for sex, it would most likely be of the quickie variety.

Now don’t get me wrong – quickies are fun, too. I mean, sex is sex. Right? And even when it’s bad, it’s good. It’s like a scoop of ice cream – always a tasty treat. But, don’t you sometimes want hot fudge on your ice cream? Maybe even whipped cream and a cherry?

Well, you should think of sex the same way, too – sometimes it’s nice to dress it up with some extra flavors! Sometimes, you should take the time to set the mood. Sometimes, you should go the extra mile to make sex and experience. Why? Let me tell you…

• It breaks up the monotony. Simply taking a hot bubble bath together or lighting a few candles will mix things up.
• It inspires you… and your partner. Maybe your partner wasn’t in the mood. But, when they see that you took the time to sprinkle rose petals on the bed, they’ll relax and find a way to say “thank you”.
• It can bring out the passion you’ve been too busy to harness.
• But most of all, it makes your partner feel special, which in turn will make the sex more romantic and intimate.

So how can you set the mood? Here are a few tips:

• Invite your partner into the bedroom for an intimate massage. The thrill of touch will relax your partner, and bring you closer together. For this, try System Jo’s Lavender Massage Glide. Lavender has a calming effect and smells wonderful. Plus, the massage glide is silicone based and never leaves your skin feeling greasy, oily or tacky. What’s even better? This massage glide doubles as a lubricant!
• Run the hot water and treat your partner to a relaxing bubble bath. I suggest using Dona Cleanse bath foam. This is no ordinary bubble bath foam. It’s actually infused with aphrodisiacs to help you relax and increase sensuality!
• Buy your partner something sexy and set it out on the bed for them to try on. Help them undress slowly. Then, help them slip into the something special you’ve picked out. Once they’re ready, ask them to slowly undress you! Dressing and undressing each other can be very intimate and erotic. And check out our large selection of lingerie for inspiration on what you’d like them to wear!
• Make a unique love-making mix for your iPod. Dim the lights in the room and hit play! Then, ask your partner to join you in a slow dance. Want to make things even more sensual? Try a Club Vibe 2.OH. Club Vibe 2.OH is a revolutionary wireless remote control vibrator that beats to the rhythm of your music.
• Dim the lights and use scented candles to create an air of romance. And for this, I suggest any of our scented massage candles. These candles will fill your room with an alluring scent, And, they melt down into a sensual, warm, and edible  massaging oil!

So make some time to take your love-making from vanilla to hot fudge sundae! You won’t regret the effort!