The Worst Sex I’ve Ever Had…

Oh boy… I have had some amazing sex in my life. You don’t end up being a 40-year-old, single MILF who works for an adult company without having some tales to tell… I could tell you about the super hot anal I had on my lover’s back porch while we were grilling dinner. I could tell you about the midday, 2-hour, me-on-top tantric session we had in a hotel room. Realistically, I could write a book of erotica based on all the fun I’ve had.

But, that’s not what this blog is about. Despite the fact that I have had some epically erotic romps, I’ve also had some really terrible sex… roll your eyes, get it over with quick, laugh out loud when it’s done kinds of bad. I’m not here to bash any of my past lovers. I recognize that there is a learning curve when it comes to new partners. I know that sometimes it takes a while for two people to get comfortable enough to explore and communicate. And, I recognize that you have to take the good with the bad, that nothing is always perfect..  But what I want to do here is point out common mistakes men make when it comes to sex… and how to fix them.

Let’s take a roll call…

Mr. Selfish… These are the guys who ignore your cues. They are the ones who set a pace that doesn’t work for you. They are the ones who want oral, but don’t return the favor. And, they are the ones who finish first and don’t care whether you finish or not. Sigh… these are the lovers who get on my nerves the most. I know women need more attention to get turned on. I know we need more time to cum. But when you short-change us, you won’t be invited back.

Mr. Shove-It-In… These are the guys who skip foreplay and just want to get it on. Now, don’t get me wrong… Sometimes I am ready to go and want to skip foreplay, too. But, I’m talking about someone who never wants to warm you up. It’s like kissing, touching, or going down on you is beneath his status. These kinds of lovers can be low-maintenance and good for hot quickies. But, otherwise, they lack flare

Mr. Vanilla… These are the guys who are intimidated by female pleasure. They don’t want to use toys and explore your sexuality. They like it missionary and are afraid to try anything different. They will get offended if you ask for anything outside of their comfort zone. In other words, they are prudes. I had sex with a Mr. Vanilla once… ONCE. I scared him off! LOL!

Mr. Clueless… These are the guys that don’t know what a clitoris is and have no understanding of how to make a woman orgasm. You think I am joking… But, there are lots of men who really don’t understand female anatomy. Fortunately, I’ve avoided these guys all together.

Mr. Rub It Off… These are the guys that think fast and furious is the way to handle a clitoris. Do you know how many men have tried to rub my clit completely off? LOTS! Ease up fellas!

And here are my FIX-IT TIPS:

• Ask your partner upfront what she needs in order to orgasm. Spend a little time experimenting with her. Listen without letting your feelings get hurt and follow her lead.
• Spend time and energy on foreplay. Stroke her with your fingers. Pleasure her with your tongue. And if you know you’re going to finish first during intercourse, make sure she cums during foreplay!
• During sex, pay attention to her cues. If she sounds like she is faking it, she probably is. Stop whatever it is you’re doing and try something else. Or simply whisper a sexy, “what do you want me to do to you, baby?” I promise you she will tell you exactly what she wants.
• If you cum and she still hasn’t had a chance, let her know you want to please her once you recover. Hold, kiss, and stroke her. Tease her with your fingers or lips. Then, when you’re ready, ask her again “what do you want me to do to you, baby?” Be open to whatever she says she needs.
• Get to know the female body. The more you know, the happier you can make her. The 2 most important things are the clitoris and the g-spot. Now granted, women have many erogenous zones. However, these are the 2 most common ones that help a woman achieve orgasm. What to educate yourself? Ask your partner questions. Read our blog. Talk to a female friend you feel comfortable with. Or, come into the store. We’ll be happy to educate you!
• Women are not all wired the same. Each of your partners may need different things. So talk about it upfront!
• Don’t be afraid to experiment. Be excited that your partner wants to have sex with you and explore with you. If she wants to use a toy, it doesn’t mean she’s trying to replace you.

Sex should be pleasurable for both parties! If it’s not, there is a problem. Don’t be one of the chumps above!

 

Masturbate! It’s Good For You!

Masturbation… solo time… stroking the kitty or spanking the monkey…

No matter what you call it, there is nothing wrong with taking the time to pleasure yourself. It feels good and is a great alternative to casual sex (Read the related blog, The Case for Masturbation). Plus, masturbation allows you to get to know your body and explore what turns you on. But, did you know that masturbation has actually been shown to have health benefits? Read below to find out more awesome reasons to spend time masturbating!

FOR MEN…

Masturbation has been shown to help prevent prostate cancer. Studies have found that men who ejaculated more than five times a week were 30% less likely to develop prostate cancer.

Masturbation keeps you harder. Regular masturbation strengthens your pelvic floor muscles. This is turn helps to prevent erectile dysfunction and incontinence.

FOR WOMEN…

Masturbation relieves cramps. It increases blood flow to the pelvic area, which eases pain.

Masturbation alleviates urinary tract infections. It helps flush out bacteria from the cervix, providing much-needed relief to UTI sufferers.

Masturbation improves your ability to orgasm. If you discover what you need to orgasm on your own, you’ll have an easier time during sex. As they say, practice makes purpose. It also strengthens muscle tone in the your pelvic floor, which can lead to better sex.

FOR EVERYONE…

Masturbation boots your immunity. Orgasms release the hormone cortisol. Cortisol is small doses helps to regulate and maintain your immunity.

Masturbation boosts your mood. It releases dopamine and oxytocin, chemicals that lift your spirits and improve your mood.

Masturbation helps you sleep. It lowers blood pressure and produces endorphins, the chemicals responsible for helping ease stress and increase relaxation.

Masturbation can relieve head and muscle aches. Orgasms release oxytocin, which is a natural pain reliever!

Masturbation is safe sex. In fact, it’s probably the safest kind of sex there is! There’s no risk of pregnancy or STD’s.

 

WANT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ALL THESE GREAT BENEFITS?

Check out our masturbation toys for GIRLS and BOYS! We have all kinds of fun things to make your solo time the best it can be! So, stop by the RedDoor and start feeling great!

Lessons From A Breakup!

Back in October, I wrote a piece entitled “Sexy Ways to Survive Your Break-up!” At the time, I was the one doing the breaking up. So, I felt confident and sexy and ready to be single. It felt natural to have fun and be free. I mean, I was out of a bad relationship and wanted to be happy! But for this blog, things are different. I was the one dumped. Yes, dumped. It’s such an awful word. It implies that something was wrong with me and that I had to be gotten rid of. But, the truth is, sometimes things just don’t work out for one reason or another…

Let me give a little background info. I began dating someone around the end of March. We’ll call him “Kevin”. Kevin seemed like a very nice guy. He was a gentleman, appreciated my curves, and was not intimidated by my openness and sexuality (at least not that I know of). Things seemed to be going well. We enjoyed each other’s company and the sex was decent enough, though lackluster. Everything was ok in my mind. Then out of the blue, Kevin stopped communicating with me. I texted him out of concern and got a text in return explaining that I was being dumped. Yep, a text. No explanation for the change in behavior. No explanation as to what happened. Needless to say, I was a LOT surprised.

So here I am, feeling a bit bruised and confused. I’m wondering what it is I can do to make things better. I’m also wondering what lessons I can take away from the situation. So, I re-read my original blog  “Sexy Ways to Survive Your Break-up!” I wanted to see if there is a different take now that I am the one who is on the shit end of this stick. And, this particular tip really stood out to me:

5. Learn from it.

Learning from your mistakes is sexy. Why? Because knowing your needs and wants makes you a more confident person, and therefore a sexier person. Next time, you’ll know more about what you do and don’t want/need. You’ll look for someone who is interested in fulfilling your desires, as much as they are interested in having theirs fulfilled. You won’t settle for less. That knowledge confidence, and power is all extremely sexy!

WOW! I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but… that is pretty powerful advice. It’s really smart advice! And we’ve all heard that the sexiest organ in our bodies is our BRAINS. So, I wanted to expand on that kind of sexiness and give my readers some smart lessons I learned from my break-up. Any time you think smart and act smart, you’ll definitely feel confident and sexy!

1. Listen to your gut next time…

Throughout the whole relationship with Kevin, I felt in my gut that something was off. I didn’t quite get the feeling he was 100% into me. I didn’t quite get the feeling he was ONLY seeing me. Even though he said he was monogamous with me, I really don’t think I was the only woman he was involved with. Trust me… there were red flags that pointed to this. I just ignored them. So, one of my smart tips is to go into a relationship with eyes wide open. Don’t let sex and romance cloud your judgment. Pay attention to red flags. And if your instincts are telling you something is wrong, go with your gut and trust your inner alarm bells!! You’ll feel a LOT sexier after a break-up if you don’t feel foolish and used.

2. Don’t settle for less than you want and need…

I was in a long-term relationship before I met Kevin. The guy I was with was very compatible with me in terms of interests, hobbies, and sex. We had an adventurous sex life and I was never bored. In short, we always had fun with each other. But, he lacked a level of affection and emotional depth that left me feeling more like a friend with benefits, and less like a girlfriend or partner in life. Kevin, however, was extremely affectionate and present. He communicated with me every day, did things for me around the house, and always paid for everything. However, we had ZERO in common and the sex was only s0-s0.. To put it simply, he was not that much fun to be around. We seriously lacked that friendship component that I feel is essential for a successful relationship. While I understand you’re not going to find everything you want in one person, you still shouldn’t settle! Having your needs and wants met is sexy. Having the confidence and security to hold out for someone who can meet most of your needs and wants is sexy. Being in a relationship where you feel fulfilled will certainly make you feel sexy, too!

3. Respect yourself and be a bar of gold…

I love, love, love sex! I’m almost 40 and I want it all.the.time. Masturbation is ok. But, it just doesn’t get the job done for me. It leaves me wanting more, more, more than some batteries can provide. So, I tend to jump quickly into sex with a new romantic interest. I mean, the sex wasn’t that great. It was vanilla and predictable, and I often didn’t get to finish before he did. But if you’re horny like me, even mediocre sex is better than masturbation. That certainly made it harder to see red flags. I feel like I let the regular sex cloud my judgment. I let my sexual needs keep me from seeing I was being misled… by Kevin AND by myself! I used to be ok with casual sex and friends with benefits arrangement. Yet, this time I felt used. It’s a gross feeling…  Despite this, I have begun to feel something pretty incredible about myself… I am a bar of gold. My body is a treasure. I shouldn’t just give it away so quickly and easily. If you are ok with casual sex, go for it. But for me, recognizing my worth is much, much sexier!

I know this a departure from my typical blogs. But, I am on a journey… a sexy journey. And, this was a stop along the way… I’ll resume my normally scheduled freak-tastic blogs shortly! 🙂

For more tips on how to feel sexy, check out my blog “Bringing your sexy back!”

And with that…

What Is Sexy? Part 1

What is sexy? That is a loaded question. If you look up the word “sexy” in the dictionary, you’ll find a general definition such as this…

Usually, we tend to go with the first definition having to do with allure and attractiveness. But, if you dig deeper, many us will ultimately describe “sexy” in ways that more closely represent the second definition.

Take this as a case in point… I recently had a conversation with a group of my girlfriends about things that turn us on. In the beginning, our answers ranged from things like sexy arms or green eyes. The more we talked, the more the answers changed to things like our partners doing the dishes or mowing the lawn, or to them telling quirky jokes or always opening doors. The further we got into the conversation, the more the answers turned from how someone looks to how someone treats us, or how our partners act around us. In fact, we talked at length about the various things our partners did that we found appealing, that made us feel cared for, or that made our partners unique. We went well beyond a nice ass and brawny shoulders.

So, I decided to embark on a journey. I want to know “What IS sexy?” I am reaching out far and wide to compile definitions of sexy, from all perspectives – men, women, parents, LGBT, etc. I want to hear from friends, fans, and readers of this blog. I want to know what YOU find sexy, beyond the predictable answers of a nice smile or buff abs.

To begin the series, I though I would share a few thoughts on what others have found sexy in me… ya know, to get the ball rolling! I don’t mean this to be an ego stroke. I just wanted to set the tone and hopefully inspire my readers to explore the topic with me…

Typically, as someone gets to know me, they stick to the traditional “sexy” compliments – my breasts are full and round and lovely, my kisses are deep and passionate, my legs are long and shapely, my booty is ample and easy to grab. But as time goes by, my sexy changes. It becomes my husky voice, the way I laugh out loudly and sometimes snort, my honesty and straightforwardness, my sly sense of humor, my confidence in my body despite my weight, my adventurous spirit in life and in bed, my cooking skills, my big-hearted nature, and my intelligence. In fact, most men that I have dated have listed my smarts as the top thing they find sexy about me.

So now it’s your turn! I want to hear from YOU! Tell me, in your own words – What is sexy? Comment below or email us at charity@thereddoorstore.com

 

 

 

Sexy and Sensual Sensation Play!

What is “sensation play”?

Well, it depends on how you’re doing it. In short, it simply means experimenting with the senses.

For most vanilla couples, sensation play would be anything that delights in the senses, or erotic activities that impart physical sensations upon a partner. These activities could include the use of silk scarves, feathers, ice, massage oils, warm wax, and other similar implements. This is the more sensual side of sensation play, where the sensations are generally pleasing and light.

For kinkier couples or those who enjoy BDSM, sensation play can be much more intense. In this case, there tends to be more emphasis on a dominant partner controlling deliberate acts of deprivation and/or tactile stimulation. The play is meant to heighten and intensify the experience of a submissive partner. Most of the time, BDSM tactile sensation play involves some level of pain, which is meant to release endorphins. Deprivation of sensation often involves blindfolding, gagging, restraining, and orgasm prevention.

How do I get started?

To begin with, sensation play only limited by your imagination and desire. So, talk to your partner and begin a conversation about what you would like to try. Here are some questions to help your explore:

• What do you both want to experience?
• Are you more interested in being deprived of a sensation?
• Or, are you interested in tactile sensations?
• Are you going to take turns, or have one person in control?
• What are the boundaries in terms of intensity and pain?

Next, the sensations you create can come from just about anywhere. So round up some “pervertibles”. Pervertibles are common household objects that can be “perverted” for a sexual use. They are also great for using during sensation play. Think of objects you may have around the house that could be used as blindfolds, restraints, or that will provide some sort of tactile sensation.

Finally, set aside a nice chunk of time to play. Sensation play is the best when you are both relaxed and have time to spend exploring each other bodies. Remember, this is all about exploring and experimenting. So, if something isn’t working, pick a new sensation to play around with.

What are the most common “pervertibles”?

Here is a quick list to get you started:

• Scarves and neckties – both are useful for creating blindfolds, restraints, and gags
• Brushes – they may great spanking devices and provide a tactile sensation when grazed across skin
• Lotions and baby oil – both will provide a decent massage
• Ice – run it across your lovers lips, nipples, etc. Or, run it across your lips and tongue, then use your mouth on your partner.
• Candles – 2 words: hot wax… drizzle it across your partner’s skin
• Feathers and fingers – both make for great tickling devices
• Clothespins – they provide a light pinch for nipples and skin
• Leather belts – useful for light licks or intense whacks
• Toothbrush – graze across the skin and erogenous areas
• Spoons – pop them in the freezer or a cup of hot water, then touch your partner with them

Really, the skies the limit. Anything can be used to create a sensation. Again, you are only limited by your creativity and desire.

What are the best toys for sensation play?

The RedDoor carries a large selection of items that can be used for sensation play. These are my top suggestions:

1. Fetish Fantasy Deluxe Shock Therapy Kit – Give your sex life a “charge” with this incredible deluxe electro-sex kit. This electric stimulation Shock Therapy Kit is perfect for first-timers and those familiar to e-stimulation alike. With over 100 stimulation combinations to choose from, the possibilities are endless.

2. Pocket Dungeon Kit – the Erotic Adventurer. Pocket Dungeon features a top grade, napa leather case, chock filled with essentials, for all of your erotic adventures. Pocket Dungeon Kit includes: Riding Crop, Blindfold, Door Jams/Flashlights, Cuffs, Padlocks, Nipple Clamps, Claws, Bandeau, Knife, Leather Flogger, Ball Chain Flogger, Whip, Cane, Rope, Kubaton.

Additional Information

SKU	PO.01

Product Tags

Add Your Tags:

Add Tags

Use spaces to separate tags. Use single quotes (‘) for phrases.

3. 50 Shades of Grey Submit to Me kit – The official “Fifty Shades of Gray” Collection’s beginners bondage kit! Each beautifully-presented set will provide you with the following products: 4 easy-tie bondage restraints in contrasting black and silver satin, each measuring 52.5 inches in length; No Peeking black satin blindfold with padded eye-mask and elasticated back; Twitchy Palm satin and faux leather spanking paddle, gift box; satin storage pouch.

Additional Information

SKU	FS.40184

Product Tags

Add Your Tags:

Add Tags

Use spaces to separate tags. Use single quotes (‘) for phrases.

For these and more sensational toys, check out the RedDoor’s BDSM section online HERE!

Aphrodisiacs You Can Eat!

As long as we’ve been around, humankind has concocted ways to improve their sex lives. One of the more unusual methods has been the use of aphrodisiacs. From rhino’s horn to cobra blood to steeped skink flesh, cultures around the world have tried various potions and strange brews in hopes of stirring their loins into a frenzied passion. In reality, much of the success of aphrodisiacs comes from the power of suggestion, as there is little medical evidence to prove their effectiveness.

Despite this, there are foods that you can consume that will not only make you healthier, but may also improve the body systems in charge of your sex life! To help you sort out the quackery from the truth, I’ve researched popular aphrodisiacs around the world. The list below is made up of foods that have been shown to improve sexual health and well-being. Read up, dine, and enjoy!

Chocolate – Sweet, decadent, and velvety, chocolate contains phenethylamine, a stimulant released in the brain as we fall in love. Chocolate also contains and tryptophan, which helps to produce serotonin, a brain chemical associated with sexual arousal. Furthermore, chocolate has been shown to spike the levels of dopamine in the brain, which induces feelings of pleasure.

Pomegranates – Often associated with fertility, pomegranates have been found to increase testosterone in both men and women. And more testosterone equals increased sexual desire. The ruby-red fruit has also been shown to help with erectile dysfunction.

Beets – Long been considered an aphrodisiac in many cultures, beets are a natural source of tryptophan and betaine. Both of these chemicals promote feelings of well-being and relaxation. Beets also contain high amounts of boron, a trace mineral that increases the level of sex hormones in the human body.

Honey – A symbol of fertility and procreation in some cultures, honey contains boron, which may regulate hormone levels, The sweet syrup also contains nitric oxide, which is released in the blood during arousal.

Oysters – The aphrodisiac of the sea, oysters contain amino acids that trigger production of sex hormones. Oysters also contain tons of zinc, which can help increase a man’s sperm count.

Chili Peppers – The red-hot peppers stimulate endorphins (the brain’s feel good chemicals), speed up heart rate and make you sweat, which all mimic how you feel when you’re aroused.

Bananas – The phallic-shaped fruit triggers testosterone production, and more testosterone equals increased sexual desire.

Watermelon – Juicy and sweet, watermelon is packed full of lycopene, which has been shown to have a Viagra-like effect, as it relaxes blood vessels and improves circulation.

Olives and Olive Oil – A symbol of virility for the Greeks, olives and their oil are a good source of monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats, which are critical for a healthy heart, blood flow and hormone production.

Strawberries – The red, heart-shaped fruits are packed full of vitamin C, which helps keep blood flowing to all parts of the body. Double their sexy powers by dipping them in chocolate!

Alcohol – In moderation, alcohol can put you in the mood, as it lowers your inhibitions and helps you to relax. But go easy on the booze! Too much alcohol can restrict sexual performance in both males and females.

Pumpkin Pie – Believe it or not, this Thanksgiving staple has been shown to be an effective aphrodisiac. The scent of the pie has been shown to increase penile blood flow by 40% and to increase sexual desire in women!

Fun Things to Do with Lube!

Check out our extensive selection of System Jo lubes!

Lube is always a great addition to your sex life. It can be used to enhance the pleasurable sensations of sex and masturbation. Lube can also aid with vaginal dryness or discomfort. Plus, it can provide flavor during oral sex, which also increases salivation. And when used with condoms, lube increases pleasure for both partners and decreases the risk of condom breakage. Want to know more? Read here to discover all the fun you can have with lube!

• Spread a warming lube like Wet’s Warming Gel on his balls. Then, give him oral while lightly massaging his balls.
• Slip a few drops of lube inside his condom before he slips it on. The added sensation will feel amazing for him.
• Slick up any of your sex toys or vibes with a water-based lube like Pjur’s Woman Aqua Gel. Then, hand the toy over to your partner to use on you!
• Put a few drops of warming lube on your hands. Then, give him a slick hand job he’ll never forget.
• Drop some warming lube into a masturbator like a Climax Gem Stroker. Then give him a life-like masturbation experience!
• Spread a strawberry-flavored lube on his cock and lick it like a lollipop. Try Sex Tart’s Strawberry Punch lube for a true candy taste!
• Slick lube on your boobs. Then, slide your boobs up and down his back for a super hot massage!
• Spread warming lube between your ta-tas. Then, gently guide his penis in and out of your cleavage.
• Give each other a sexy back massage using a few drops of a massage glide such as System Jo’s Warming Massage Glide. Glides are an all-in-one lube that act as a massage oil AND personal lubricant!
• While you go down on him, lube up your thumb and use it to massage the spot between his balls and rectum.
• Drizzle a flavored lube on your labia and clitoris and have your partner lick it off while trying to guess the flavor.
• Spread cooling lube like System Jo’s H2O Cooling lube on your fingers. Then, use them to massage each others nipples. You can also blow on them for an added sensation!
• Tell your partner they can only use their hands on you. Spread a few drops of lube on their hands and let them go at it.
• Lay a towel down on your bed. Then, cover your bodies in a silicone lube such as Liquid Sex Silicone. Finally, enjoy the erotic sensation of sliding up and down each other’s bodies while you get it on.
• Keep a small bottle of lube hidden behind the shampoo for spontaneous wet fun! We suggest Sex in the Shower Lube, which is specially formulated for sex in water!

Got a fun idea to share? Let us know!

Need lube? Check out our extensive selection online – flavored, organic, silicone, water-based, hybrid, glides, anal formulas, numbing, and much, much more! Shop here: The RedDoor Lotions & Potions!

Sizzling Summer Sex Tips!

Check out our top 10 sex tips for sizzling Summer fun!

1. At a party with friends? At the local pool? Sneak off with your lover to the bathroom for a quickie or some fooling around. You don’t have to go all the way to keep things hot. Get each other revved up, then save the rest for when you’re all alone.
2. Try one of our warming or cooling lubes. The warming sensation will create fireworks between the two of you. The tingling, cooling sensation will add a thrilling chill to the heat of the moment.
3. Streak! That’s right – strip down to nothing and run! The feeling of being naked in public can be exhilarating. And, being naked increases your libido!
4. Don’t want to be naked in public? Stay indoors all day… in the buff! Make it a clothes-free day at home and let things heat up whenever and wherever you want!
5. Too hot for the pool? Have some fun in the shower or bath. We carry an extensive line of Sex in the Shower products, including wall attachments, vibrating loofas, and waterproof lubes. We also carry some fantastic, 100% water submersible toys by Jimmy Jane and We-Vibe.
6. Want to cool things down? Try one of our glass toys that’s been chilled in the freezer! Want to heat things up? Drop the glass toy in a hot water!
7. Be the master of CHILL! Keep a spray bottle filled with ice water next to the bed, and give each other a spritz! Aim for nerve-packed areas like the nipples, the back of the neck, the inner thighs, the tailbone, or the backs of your knees.
8. DRINK! Alcohol naturally loosens your inhibitions!! Don’t drink? Try one of our tropical flavored lubes, massage oils, body gels, or lickable dusters! From pina colada to tropical pineapple, we have just the flavor to mix things up!
9. Ice, ice, baby… That’s right – experiment with ice! Or, keep it sweet with a popsicle or some ice cream. Dab small amounts onto places you’d like to lick or be licked!
10. Want things to get really HOT? Turn off the AC! Sweating allows you to release your natural pheromones. Don’t want to do it the old-fashioned way? Try one of our  pheromone infused body products!

The Best Sex Advice You’ll Ever Get…

Being in this business, I get asked a lot of questions. People ask me advice on everything – from which lubes to buy to how to dominate your partner. In my discussions with customers, I tend to offer a lot of unsolicited advice as well. See, my job is not just to sell you a dildo or a blow-up doll for your bachelor party. My job also requires me to be a sex therapist of sorts. So, I give a lot of input on how to make your sex life better, whether you want the advice or not! Here’s some of the wisdom I have dropped over time…

MY ADVICE FOR WOMEN (Men, you should read this, too!):

1. Never fake an orgasm. Never. You are not doing yourself any favors by faking it. Your partner will never learn how to please you if you are constantly pretending to orgasm!

2. And on that note… Don’t pretend to like something you don’t. If you do not like what your partner is doing, do not pretend to enjoy it. Instead tell your lover what you DO like, or what would feel better instead.

3. To drive my point home, communicate. Very few people in the world are psychic. No one can read your mind. So, talk to your partner. Tell them what makes you feel good, what you like, what you want to try, what your boundaries are, what turns you off.

4. Accept that most orgasms require clitoral stimulation… and time. Once you accept this, work with your partner on how YOU want to achieve orgasm – manually, orally, with a toy, or combining hands/toys/intercourse.

5. Don’t be scared to try anal. Even the smallest plug can add great pleasure – for women and MEN! If your lover is a man and wants to try prostate stimulation, don’t freak out! Female and male rectum both have erogenous nerve endings that can provide a ton of stimulation. Want to learn more? Read here.

6. Buy lube and use it. You may be the wettest of the wet, but you still need lube. Lube enhances manual play by minimizing friction. Same rule applies to toys. You always want to use a good lube with your toys to minimize friction and irritation. And, if you do try anal, using lots of lube greatly reduces the potential for discomfort.

7. Be adventurous. It’s ok to try new things. Don’t be scared of the things your partner wants to try. They are asking YOU to try it. They want to do it with YOU. Take that as a sign that they ENJOY having sex with you, and feel comfortable enough to share their fantasies.

8. Always, ALWAYS use protection with someone you don’t know. People lie. End of story. Nothing ruins a hot one-night-stand like a case of herpes. No amount of sex is worth risking your health! Practice safe sex until you both have been tested.

 

MY ADVICE FOR MEN:

1. See #1 through # 8 above. All of that applies to you, too!!!

2. Slow down. Sex should not be a race to orgasm. Sex should be about finding mutual satisfaction with your lover. I know this may sound like a radical idea, but it’s true. Slow down and make sure your partner is enjoying themselves!

3. Don’t be offended when your partner tells you what they need. If someone is willing to communicate with you about sex, it means they still want to have sex with you AND make it better! Better sex is never a bad thing. Trust me.

 

And what’s the last piece of advice I have for you? Stay sexy, shop RedDoor.

 

 

 

The Art of Sexless Sex

Let me paint a picture for you… Late night, stars out, bubbling hot tub, cocktail in hand, music playing, no one around. Bathing suit comes off, hands start roaming… and my clit is directed to a jet IN one of the seats (thank you to the genius who thought THAT up). I’m being kissed and my nipples are being pinched, sucked on, and teased. And before I know it, I’m collapsing against his chest, completely satisfied and exhausted… I just had sexless sex with my partner – completely satisfying, intense, and intimate.

This may not be a news flash to most of my readers, but… Sex doesn’t have to include penetration. The misconception that “real” sex requires intercourse just isn’t true! Great sex can come in many shapes, sizes, colors, sexual orientations, positions… and can be completely non-intercourse related! This is what I call “sexless sex”, having sex without intercourse. These forms of sex can be so mid-blowing that we all should try more sexless sex and erotic play!

So, this blog is all about skipping the penetration! It’s about delving deeper into sexual play and creating greater intimacy with your partner. It’s about creating a sensual environment where both of you can try new things and practice other erotic activities. It’s about finding sexual satisfaction without needing penetration. And here are some ideas for you to try…

• For him, use a warming lube and both hands. Grip his cock between your palms and use a twisting motion as you slide up and down.
  Or, grab a masturbation toy, load it up with a warming lube, and jerk him off.
• Don’t want to do the work? Let him rub his own cock with his hands or the toy while you tease his nipples and/or prostate.
• For her, use a cooling lube to finger her clit and pussy. The extra tingle will heighten her pleasure.
• Or, grab a g-spot vibrator and fuck her with it while you tease her ass and/or clit.
• Grab a suction-cup dong and attach it to a chair or wall. Have her fuck it while she gives you a hand-job or sucks your dick.
• Position yourselves in a 69, where you are laying on your sides. Lick and suck each other. Use your hands on each other. Hell, throw in some toys, too, for the ultimate 69!
• Read an erotic story out loud to each other, masturbating as you read. You can mix it up by taking turns touching each other, and then only touching yourselves.
• Have your partner videotape you pleasing yourself. Then, watch it together while you partner takes a turn getting off.
• If you don’t have a hot tub, jump in the shower. Use the shower head to pleasure her.
• For him, use the shower head to stimulate his prostate as he jerks off. Or, have him hold the shower head over his cock as you jerk him off.
• Grab a vibrating sponge and lather each other into a passion.
• Take a hot bath together. Hold her in your arms and position her clit against the warm water filling the tub. Tease her nipples as she gets off. Then, have her return the favor with a blow-job or hand-job, as you sit back and relax.
• Grab a sensual massage oil and give each other sensual massages with happy endings.
• Take turns giving each other oral. Or, spend time in a 69, only allowing tongues and mouths to do the work!
• Manually stimulate each other through your clothes in a very public place.
• Grab some lube and grind up against each other. Allow him to rub his cock between your breasts, butt cheeks, or vaginal lips until he comes. For her, rub the head of his cock against your clit, or jump on top and grind your pussy on his hard dick.
• Even if you are in the same house, try having phone sex. Or, jump on your laptops and face cams. Set them up so you can each see the other person masturbating. Then, masturbate to a real-time porno by your lover!

As you can see, foreplay does not have to be the appetizer. It can be the MAIN COURSE. There are TONS of ways to have sex without penetration. I have just given you a few ideas to get you started. The key is to be creative. And, not only will sexless sex allow you to have amazing orgasms, it’s a great way to be closer to your lover. It facilitates intimacy and conversation, two of the keys to a fulfilling sex life. Want to give it a try? Declare a week of lovemaking that’s entirely dedicated to sexless sex! You won’t be disappointed.