Sex Tips

Low Sex Drive?

If you’d met me two years ago, you would have never believed I would end up suffering from a low sex drive. I loved sex. I was adventurous – liked anal, bondage, S&M, women and men, and more. My then boyfriend and I had sex twice a day, and I enjoyed it every time. But things change… I broke up with said boyfriend after 5 years of an on again, off again relationship. Bummer. Then, I met someone I felt good about. Four months later, they dumped me via text. Bummer. And finally, I met someone who changed my life for the better. Good news, right? Yes, but it also coincided with me turning 40 and my sex drive plummeting. Major bummer. It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with my partner. I do. I really do. It’s that my age, body, and more have ganged up against me to crush my once amazing sex drive.

Turns out I’m normal and that low libido is a common issue in men and women my age or older. So what causes low sex drive? It can vary from person to person, but here are the most common reasons…

For both women and men, there are many physical issues that can cause low libido. These include prescription medicines, high blood pressure, thyroid problems, too little sleep, too little or too much exercise, and alcohol and drug use. There are also many psychological issues, including depression, stress, changes in relationship status, and relationship problems. For women, pregnancy, menopause or illness can decrease sex drive. For men, low testosterone can affect the sex drive.

So what can you do about a low sex drive?

1. See a doctor – The first thing you should do is schedule an appointment with your doctor. Ruling out any health issues is absolutely the first step! There are so many underlying physical reasons for a low libido. It’s best to check with your doctor to make sure everything is running smoothly and that you are in good health.

2. Talk to your partner – Opening up to your partner about your low sex drive is important for maintaining healthy sexual communication. Let them know you are feeling this way. If it’s not because of relationship issues, it’s important to let them know. This can decrease insecurities and create understanding. If it IS because of relationship issues, this is the first step in talking things out. How can someone help you if they don’t know what the problem is?

3. Keep a journal – If your low libido is definitely NOT health related, then what is it? Start keeping a sex journal. When you are not in the mood, jot it down. When you are in the mood, jot it down. Notice a pattern? Maybe lack of sleep, stressful days at work, or not enough alone time without the kids are causing the decrease in desire. Maybe the weeks you exercise more, the less sex you want. Getting to know yourself and your habits can help you create a plan to maximizing your sex drive.

4. Try something different – If things just aren’t working, it’s time to try something different. Relationship problems? Maybe it’s time to break-up or seek counseling. Not enough time? Maybe it’s time to schedule a mini getaway. Stressed? Maybe it’s time to cut back on work or extra activities. Bored? Maybe it’s time to try some new toys or sex positions. Whatever it is that isn’t working, get rid of it, even if just for a little while.

5. Get healthier – Taking care of your mental and physical well-being are keys to a healthy sex life, with or without low libido. So take care of yourself! Low-stress exercise such as yoga has been known to help with libido. Supplements such as DHEA and the Mediterranean diet have also been known to help with libido. Even drinking enough water and getting enough sleep have been shown to help with libido.

6. Make time for intimacy – Even if you are not in the mood for sex, make time for intimacy. Carve out time with your partner every day for closeness – snuggling on the couch, showering together, spooning in bed, enjoying a cup of coffee or wine without distractions. Sex is important in a relationship, but it isn’t everything. Intimacy is what keeps you together. And with increased intimacy, there’s usually an increase in sex drive.

It’s important to remember you are not alone. As many as 66% of women over 45, and 40% of men over 45, report suffering from a low sex drive. Definitely seek out the help of your doctor, no matter how embarrassing the conversation may be. And remember that where there is a will, there is a way. Don’t give up on your sex life!

Make 2017 Your Sexiest Year Yet!

couple-tub-champagne-candle-horiz_mvjvgaThe Holidays are almost over. We’re on the brink of a brand new year. If you are like most people, you’re thinking of resolutions for the new year. Even if you don’t call them resolutions, we all promise ourselves that we’ll do something differently in the coming year. This year, skip the promises to eat right, exercise more, drink less… Make resolutions you’ll actually keep! Research has shown that the more you want it, the more likely you are to keep a resolution. And what do we all want more than anything? HOT SEX!! So, here are my sexy New Year’s resolutions for 2017:

1. Be more spontaneous – Don’t forget the old adage: where there is a will, there is a way! When the mood strikes you, make it happen. But don’t just make this about spontaneous sex… include random kisses, hugs, groping, and compliments. All of these things will make your sex life sexier!

2. Try new things – As much as possible, experiment with new positions in the bedroom. Or, try new toys or play accessories. Hell, thinking of new places to have sex can spice things up. And here’s a way to help you keep things new and exciting: write all the new things you want to try on little slips of paper, then throw them in the jar. As often as possible, draw one from the jar and make it happen!

3. Communicate – Seems simple, right? Well, most people do not talk to their partners about what they want and need. Make this your year to open up about sex and tell them what you like, how often you want it, and why you like it!

4. Get kinky – Being kinky doesn’t mean you have to delve into the BDSM lifestyle. But, adding a little bit of kink can go a long way to having sexier sex in the new year. Haven’t watched porn together? Do it. Want to try some bondage? Buy some silk rope. Never role-played? Buy the school girl outfit.

5. Stop making excuses – Headaches, lack of time, lack of desire… we all have excuses for why we don’t have sex. But, even a little foreplay can go a long way in making you happier and your relationship stronger. So, find the time to please and be pleased.

6. Be intimate – Sex does not equal intimacy. But, the more intimate you are with each other, the more you’ll want sex, and the more fulfilling it will be. So, take warm showers with each other, snuggle, hold hands, massage each other, hug… Anything that brings you closer together is well worth the effort and will make for a better 2016!

7.  Show your sexy side – Buy sexy lingerie to wear for him. Greet her in the nude when she gets home. Send sexy texts. Dress up from head to toe and take each other for a romantic date. Turn on your most seductive playlist and dance with or for each other. Whisper naughty thought to each other in the grocery store… Making an effort to keep your partner intrigued, aroused, and interested will keep the heat turned up all year long.

Here’s to a happy, healthy, prosperous, and sexy 2017!!

Celebrate National Masturbation Month

masturbation month

International Masturbation Day is an annual event celebrated on May 7th to protect the right to masturbate. The first National Masturbation Day was first observed on May 7th, 1995. It was created in honor of Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders, who was fired by President Bill Clinton for suggesting masturbation be a part of sex education curriculum for students. Since then, International Masturbation Day has been expanded to include the entire month of May, known as International Masturbation Month!

At the RedDoor, we love masturbation! We encourage you to celebrate International Masturbation Month as often as possible during the month of May. Why? As San Fran based Good Vibrations puts it,  “Of all the kinds of sex people can have, masturbation is the most universal and important, yet few people talk about it freely. Worse, many people still feel it is “second best” or problematic in some way. Masturbation Month lets us emphasize how great it is. it’s natural, common, and fun!” Plus, whether you’re single, or just need a little alone time without your partner, masturbation is a great way to release sexual energy. Aside from being fun, masturbation has also be proven to be good for you! It can boost your immunity, relieve stress, help with sexual function, and may even reduce risks of cancer. For some great tips on masturbation, click here.

And in honor of International Masturbation Month, here’s a fun Masturbation Challenge to inspire and stimulate you! See how many you can check off the list…

  • Masturbate to porn
  • Masturbate in the shower
  • Masturbate in the car
  • Masturbate at work
  • Masturbate without your hands
  • Masturbate outside
  • Masturbate with someone watching
  • Masturbate using an anal toy
  • Masturbate at a party
  • Masturbate in the bathroom of a restaurant
  • Masturbate in the bathroom of a bar
  • Masturbate first thing in the morning before getting up
  • Masturbate while reading erotica
  • Masturbate in the kitchen
  • Masturbate laying next to some who’s masturbating
  • Masturbate, record a video, and send it to your partner
  • Masturbate with a vibrating toy
  • Masturbate with the shower head
  • Masturbate, but don’t cum
  • Masturbate with your underwear on
  • Masturbate with your clothes on
  • Masturbate to a nude magazine
  • Masturbate to a picture of your favorite star
  • Masturbate with a warming lube or gel
  • Masturbate with a cooling lube or gel
  • Masturbate with a pillow
  • Masturbate instead of taking a booty call
  • Masturbate and tweet about it
  • Masturbate your partner while they masturbate you

Got a idea for the challenge? Comment below! Need inspiration? Visit the RedDoor online!

Sexy New Year’s Resolutions for 2016

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It’s that time of year again… The Holidays are drawing to a close. The year is almost over. And, we are all gearing up for New Year’s Eve celebrations.

If you are like most people, you’re thinking of resolutions for the new year. Even if you don’t call them resolutions, we all promise ourselves that we’ll do something differently in the coming year. This year, skip the promises to eat right, exercise more, drink less… Make resolutions you’ll actually keep! Research has shown that the more you want it, the more likely you are to keep a resolution. And what do we all want more than anything? HOT SEX!!

So, here are my sexy New Year’s resolutions for 2016:

1. Be more spontaneous – Don’t forget the old adage: where there is a will, there is a way! When the mood strikes you, make it happen. But don’t just make this about spontaneous sex… include random kisses, hugs, groping, and compliments. All of these things will make your sex life sexier!

2. Try new things – As much as possible, experiment with new positions in the bedroom. Or, try new toys or play accessories. Hell, thinking of new places to have sex can spice things up. And here’s a way to help you keep things new and exciting: write all the new things you want to try on little slips of paper, then throw them in the jar. As often as possible, draw one from the jar and make it happen!

3. Communicate – Seems simple, right? Well, most people do not talk to their partners about what they want and need. Make this your year to open up about sex and tell them what you like, how often you want it, and why you like it!

4. Get kinky – Being kinky doesn’t mean you have to delve into the BDSM lifestyle. But, adding a little bit of kink can go a long way to having sexier sex in the new year. Haven’t watched porn together? Do it. Want to try some bondage? Buy some silk rope. Never role-played? Buy the school girl outfit.

5. Stop making excuses – Headaches, lack of time, lack of desire… we all have excuses for why we don’t have sex. But, even a little foreplay can go a long way in making you happier and your relationship stronger. So, find the time to please and be pleased.

6. Be intimate – Sex does not equal intimacy. But, the more intimate you are with each other, the more you’ll want sex, and the more fulfilling it will be. So, take warm showers with each other, snuggle, hold hands, massage each other, hug… Anything that brings you closer together is well worth the effort and will make for a better 2016!

7.  Show your sexy side – Buy sexy lingerie to wear for him. Greet her in the nude when she gets home. Send sexy texts. Dress up from head to toe and take each other for a romantic date. Turn on your most seductive playlist and dance with or for each other. Whisper naughty thought to each other in the grocery store… Making an effort to keep your partner intrigued, aroused, and interested will keep the heat turned up all year long.

Here’s to a happy, healthy, prosperous, and sexy 2016!!

Cock Rings 101: It’s a Cinch!

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Cock rings are one of the few sex toys designed for the penis. Rings can be a functional and fun part of sex play for men. By restricting blood flow in the penis, rings can change the way erections feel, how long they last, and what orgasm and ejaculation feels like. If you’re curious about them, here’s what you need to know.

What is a cock ring?
Cock rings are just that – a ring that is placed around the penis and/or scrotum. They are used to restrict blood flow out of the penis. They are also used create the a pleasurable sensation of tightness and pressure.

Can they cure ED?
Not really… but some men do find that wearing cock rings help make their erections firmer or longer-lasting.

Start with stretch.
Solid cock rings are more restrictive as your erection grows and are only recommended for men with experience with using a cock ring. Beginners should start with a soft, stretchy, and flexible ring. They are easier to put on and take off, and don’t provide as much restriction. I suggest the 3 pack Island Rings. Island Rings contains 3 sizes of soft and stretchy all-purpose rings. They are inexpensive, so you don’t have to spend a lot to try out cock rings. If you like the feel of a cock ring, you can upgrade to something sturdier or more exotic.

Lube up.
Dab on a small amount of personal lubricant on the ring (or your penis) before you put the ring on. This makes slipping on the ring much easier. It will reduce the risk of pinching of your skin or pulling hairs. I suggest our staff favorite – Swiss Navy water based lubricant. It’s super slick and long-lasting, but won’t damage the cock ring. Just go easy on the lube! Too much can make the ring slide off.

Put it on.
You may want to man-scape ahead of time to reduce the risk of snagging hairs, but lubing up should help. Simply stretch the cock ring enough so that you can slide it around the base of the penis, behind the scrotum. It should be snuggly around your cock and balls. However, if it feels uncomfortable at this point, you may want to try out a bigger ring or one with more stretch. You can also try sliding the ring just around the shaft of your penis.

Test it out.
Before you use the ring with a partner, make time to try it out on your own. It can be tricky the first few times you put a ring on or take it off. Getting used to using the ring solo will make things less stressful, awkward, or clumsy when you venture into using it with a partner. Try masturbating with a ring on. You will get used to how the ring feels with movement and friction. To begin with, you may want to remove it after five or ten minutes so you can become familiar with the various sensations cock rings provide.

Play it safe.
If you ever feel pain or discomfort with a cock ring, remove it immediately! Also, don’t wear one for too long. 30 minutes is the maximum time most doctor’s and manufacturers recommend. And never, ever use a homemade cock ring. They can harm the skin, be difficult to get off, and cause many other not so fun consequences! Why risk a trip to the ER when you can pick a cock ring up at the RedDoor?

Tips and Tricks.

Be careful when using condoms with a cock ring. The friction from the ring rubbing against the condom can cause rips and tears.

Try having your partner pull or tug on your cock ring. It can feel good for you and can be a power play for your partner. Just ask them to be careful not to squeeze or pinch too much (unless you like it).

Some cock rings are meant to please both partners. Try a ring with a vibrating head. The vibration can be pleasing to you, and will definitely stimulate your partner, too!

 

Have questions? Let us know and will be happy to help! http://thereddoorstore.com/index.php/contacts/

Sex Ed: Kegels and Ben Wa Balls

What are the kegel muscles?

The term “Kegel muscle” is used to refer to the muscles of the pelvic floor, the pubococcygeus muscles (PC muscles). The PC muscles hold your pelvic organs in place, control the flow of urine, and also contributes to sexual pleasure during intercourse. How? PC muscle are also responsible for the contractions you feel during an orgasm.

How do I find my kegel muscles?

To identify your pelvic floor muscles, stop urination in midstream. If you succeed, you’ve got the right muscles.

How do I strengthen my kegel muscles?

You can strengthen you PC muscles by using ben-wa balls or simple exercises. Exercises should be done multiple times a day for maximum results. Keep reading to found out how!

What are kegel exercises?

Kegel exercises are the repetitive tightening and relaxing of the PC muscles.

Why should I do kegel exercises?

Kegel exercises won’t actually tighten your vagina. But, they will tone and strengthen your vaginal muscles, which can increase your ability to be aroused. Kegels will also create a tighter grip during intercourse. They can also help intensify contractions during orgasm, because they send more blow-flow to your nether regions!

HOW TO DO KEGEL EXERCISES:

STEP 1 –  Once you’ve identified your pelvic floor muscles, empty your bladder and lie on your back. Tighten your pelvic floor muscles, hold the contraction for five seconds, and then relax for five seconds. Try it four or five times in a row. Work up to keeping the muscles contracted for 10 seconds at a time, relaxing for 10 seconds between contractions.

STEP 2 – For best results, focus on tightening only your pelvic floor muscles. Be careful not to flex the muscles in your abdomen, thighs or buttocks. Avoid holding your breath. Instead, breathe freely during the exercises.

STEP 3 – Repeat 3 times a day. Aim for at least three sets of 10 repetitions a day.

HOW TO USE BEN-WA BALLS:

STEP 1 – Insert one ball at a time. Putting lubrication on the balls will help them glide in. Women have said that inserting the balls is similar to inserting a tampon. If you’re having trouble, you should lift one leg up. If that doesn’t work, try inserting them while lying down.

STEP 2 – Squeeze your leg muscles together and then your pelvic muscles together to hold the balls in. The balls should push down a little bit inside your vagina, and they will make your vagina feel “full”. Much like tampons, you should eventually get used to the feeling.

STEP 3 – Hold the balls inside for at least 15 minutes a day to strengthen your PC muscles. You can hold them in for hours for a better workout.

Visit us online at www.thereddoorstore.com for Ben-Wa balls and more!

Old-Fashioned Sex Advice Revisited

Sixty years ago, a woman’s pleasure was a thing to be whispered about. Sex outside of marriage was shameful. Sex toys, or anything other than missionary, were for cheap girls and harlots. We’ve certainly come a long way when it comes to adventurous sex. Porn is mainstream. Adult stores are big business, no longer back alley establishments. And movies like “50 Shades of Grey” have inspired women everyone to try a little BDSM. But should we completely discard old-fashioned beliefs about sex? Let’s take a look…

Old-fashioned Tip #1 – Your most important job is to build up and maintain his ego. Morale is a woman’s business.

This isn’t bad advice. Appreciating and complimenting your man builds up his confidence. And confidence is good for the bedroom. The more you praise his manhood and his efforts, the more he’s going to want to please you.

Old-fashioned Tip #2 – If you are one of those frigid or sexually anesthetic women, don’t be in a hurry to inform your husband about it.  To the man it makes no difference in the pleasurableness of the act whether you are frigid or not, unless he knows that you are frigid.  And he won’t know unless you tell him, and what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

Uhm, wrong. This one is definitely wrong with a capital “W”. A man knows if you are not enjoying yourself. And, if you are not enjoying himself, chances are it will ruin some part of the act for him. Can he still get off and orgasm even if you’re bored to tears? Yes, probably. But, can it also affect his performance and make it less pleasurable? Definitely. Only a major asshole doesn’t care if you are bored and miserable. So, throw this advice out the window and talk to your partner about what you do and don’t like. If he doesn’t want to listen and please you, ditch him!

Old-fashioned Tip #3 – Underwear should be spotlessly clean goes without saying, but every woman should wear the best quality underwear that she can afford.  And the color should be preferably pink.  And lace and ruffles, I am sorry to say, add to the attractiveness of underwear, and are liked by the average man.

This one has some merit to it. Not all men like lingerie or fancy underwear. But if you want to feel sexy… and you want him to see you as sexy… make sure whatever you’re wearing is in good shape, flattering, and preferably in a color you or he loves. No one is sexy is undies with stains or holes in them. So, I am not talking about always wearing satin and lace. You can still be sexy in cute cotton bras and panties. And the color doesn’t have to be pink. According to my research, men prefer black or white.

Old-fashioned Tip #4 – While sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured.

Say what? No. Just no. This is one old-fashioned sex tip I can’t believe exists! Sex should never be revolting or painful. If it is, you’re doing it wrong! Even when you want it to be painful, that should come from a place of pleasure, because you find that enjoyable.

Old-fashioned Tip #5The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.

Problem #1 with this tip… Sex no longer has to be enjoyed under the confines of marriage. Problem #2… If you are married, lessening the frequency of sex is bound to take its toll on your relationship. In fact, married couples should work hard to stay committed, keep things fresh, and try to have sex as much as possible. Distancing yourself from each other sexually is a fast track to divorce. Don’t let kids, work, and life get in the way of being intimate with each other.

Old-fashioned Tip #6A wise bride will make it the goal never to allow her husband to see her unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her.

Oh, quite the contrary my friends! Being naked has many benefits to your health AND makes you want to have sex more often. How? It increases your circulation and improves your confidence – both of which have been proven to increase sex drive and sexual pleasure!

While we may learn from the past in most other circumstances, sex doesn’t seem to be one of them! Thank goodness we’ve come so far so that we can cum so far. I’ll take modern sex any day of the week!

XOXO, Bella

Electro-Sex… It’s SHOCKING!

shock stuff

Have you ever heard of Erotic Electro-stimulation? I didn’t think so… But it’s not something a mad scientist does!

According to Wikipedia,  Erotic Electro-stimulation is “a human sexual practice involving the application of electrical stimulation to the nerves of the body, with particular emphasis on the genitals, using a power source for purposes of sexual stimulation.” In other words, you’re shocking parts of your body for sexual pleasure.

Yeah… It’s not for everyone. I know. But, if done right, it can add an exhilarating new dimension to your sex life. You’re probably asking yourself, “WHY would anyone do that?!?!” Well, an electric current can stimulate nerve endings and involuntary muscle stimulation in erogenous areas. So basically, it’s an intense activation of the erotic nerves, which can be an extremely pleasurable experience. Some people also use electro-stimulation for S&M play. It’s an interesting way to explore the pleasure/pain boundaries. However, it has much fewer risks and lasting physical damage when compared to more traditional BDSM practices. That’s because it can be precisely controlled and does not leave physical marks, bruises, etc.

Want to learn more about the types of stimulation and safety precautions? Read here: A Guide to Erotic Electrostimulation

Think you’re ready to experiment? Try these stimulating novelties from the RedDoor:

 

shock therapy kit Fetish Fantasy Deluxe Shock Therapy Kit – Give your sex life a “charge” with this incredible deluxe electro-sex kit. This electric stimulation Shock Therapy Kit is perfect for first-timers and those familiar to e-stimulation alike. The easy-to-read LCD screen on the digital power control unit clearly displays the function and intensity level, and with 3 pre-programmed pulsation patterns to choose from, this attractive control unit sends electrical impulses to whichever body part you place the pad on. Choose from a sensuous tingle to a throbbing tap, all with the push of a button, and pick one of the 5 body zones to stimulate. With over 100 stimulation combinations to choose from, the possibilities are endless. Choose a setting on the power unit’s dial to control the intensity and go from a sensuous tingle to a throbbing tap in seconds. Switch between “SLOW” or “FAST” to control the frequency of the shock, or adjust the dial to control the strength of the shock. Using the timer function, the battery-powered unit will automatically shut off after a 15 minute interval. The pads are self-adhesive and reusable, attach to the lead wire using snaps, and clean up easily after the fun with PipeDream Toy Cleaner and warm water. Great for muscle stimulation, neural stimulation, and an all-over relaxing electro massage! Includes nipple clamps, cock cage, and a probe, Too!

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WeVibe Thrill – Winner of 5 international awards, Thrill by We-Vibeis designed for indulgent solo play. The G-spot stimulator provides internal fullness and friction, while the clitoral vibrator delivers external stimulation. With the touch of a button, you can choose the mode that matches your mood — from a low rumble to ultra vibrations. Thrill by We-Vibe is made with body-safe materials, including medical-grade silicone, and is 100% waterproof. It also features USB charging and 90-minute recharging for 2 hours of play.

 

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Intensity By Jopen – The JOPEN Intensity is the first sex toy built around a new patented technology created for a completely different application. It began when two medical professionals created a unique apparatus to strengthen women’s pelvic floor muscles. During the tests Jopen Intensity women began reporting intense orgasms and sexual joy like never before Created, designed, tested, perfected and manufactured 100% in the USA Inflatable Shaft for Custom Fit Dual Stimulating Electro Contacts to enhance pelvic contractions G-spot and Clitoral Vibrators 5-Level Vibration Control.

 

41MbPLGxR8L__SY300_KinkLab Neon Wand Electrosex Kit – The Neon Wand® is a popular device from Kinklab’s ElectroErotic® line that creates an electrical discharge across the surface of the skin. The electricity produces sensations over a broad range, from a pleasurably warm tingling, to a more intense, focused sensation that some find painful. The level of sensation created by the wand can be controlled both by a multi-level intensity dial on the wand itself, and also by which electrode you choose to use. The Neon Wand kit comes with 4 different glass attachments (Electrode Comb, Mushroom Tube, 90° Probe, Tongue Tube) that will be a thrill to experiment with. The kit color refers to the color of the light glowing in the glass electrodes. Kits are available in purple or red.

Sexy Tips for Long Distance Relationships

Are you in a long-distance relationship? Perhaps you’ve gone off to college. Or, maybe you’ve had to move for career or family reasons. Or maybe you’ve been in my shoes, where you’ve met someone amazing on a trip. No matter the circumstances, we all know how hard it can be to keep your love life alive when you can’t see your partner as much as you’d like. So, here are some tips for keeping things sexy in long-distance relationships!

1. Learn the art of phone sex and sexting… talking dirty to your partner through phone sex or sexting is a great way to keep the anticipation and passion alive. Describe things you would like to do with  your partner when you see them. Don’t know what to say? Grab some erotic literature and get your creative juices flowing. Or, simply read the erotica aloud to your partner.

2. Begin a sexy exchange of letters… In your letters, describe in detail what you would like your partner to do to you. Scent the paper with your signature perfume or cologne. Then, seal it with a kiss. Encourage your partner to write back with what they will do in return. Don’t like snail mail? Send the letters back and forth through email or social media.

3. Send sexy pictures or quick videos… Buy new lingerie and snap a pic. Send it with a tease, like “Can’t wait to wear this for you!” Fellas, snap a pic of your semi-erect cock in your boxer briefs with a tagline of “Can’t wait to finish with you!” Feeling more adventurous? Take a quick video of yourself stroking your clit or cock. Don’t finish. Just tease…

4. Have web-cam sex… Jump on your laptop’s web-cam or your iPad’s Face Time and perform for each other. Play a game of “I do, you do” or have your partner tell you exactly what they want to see.

5. Leave lust notes… When you are with  your partner, hide sexy notes or pictures for them to find after you leave.

6. Send erotic gifts… Let’s face it – there’s nothing like the real thing. But, if you’re in a long-distance relationship and want to stay monogamous, you may have to get creative. Fellas, send your gal a vibrator and include a note of what you would like her to do with it. Or schedule a time for her to use it for you via Skype or phone sex. Girls, send your guy a masturbator and include a naughty picture of yourself for him to help him imagine it’s you.

With commitment and creativity, plus lots of communication, you can maintain the flames in a long-distance relationship.

The Worst Sex I’ve Ever Had…

Oh boy… I have had some amazing sex in my life. You don’t end up being a 40-year-old, single MILF who works for an adult company without having some tales to tell… I could tell you about the super hot anal I had on my lover’s back porch while we were grilling dinner. I could tell you about the midday, 2-hour, me-on-top tantric session we had in a hotel room. Realistically, I could write a book of erotica based on all the fun I’ve had.

But, that’s not what this blog is about. Despite the fact that I have had some epically erotic romps, I’ve also had some really terrible sex… roll your eyes, get it over with quick, laugh out loud when it’s done kinds of bad. I’m not here to bash any of my past lovers. I recognize that there is a learning curve when it comes to new partners. I know that sometimes it takes a while for two people to get comfortable enough to explore and communicate. And, I recognize that you have to take the good with the bad, that nothing is always perfect..  But what I want to do here is point out common mistakes men make when it comes to sex… and how to fix them.

Let’s take a roll call…

Mr. Selfish… These are the guys who ignore your cues. They are the ones who set a pace that doesn’t work for you. They are the ones who want oral, but don’t return the favor. And, they are the ones who finish first and don’t care whether you finish or not. Sigh… these are the lovers who get on my nerves the most. I know women need more attention to get turned on. I know we need more time to cum. But when you short-change us, you won’t be invited back.

Mr. Shove-It-In… These are the guys who skip foreplay and just want to get it on. Now, don’t get me wrong… Sometimes I am ready to go and want to skip foreplay, too. But, I’m talking about someone who never wants to warm you up. It’s like kissing, touching, or going down on you is beneath his status. These kinds of lovers can be low-maintenance and good for hot quickies. But, otherwise, they lack flare

Mr. Vanilla… These are the guys who are intimidated by female pleasure. They don’t want to use toys and explore your sexuality. They like it missionary and are afraid to try anything different. They will get offended if you ask for anything outside of their comfort zone. In other words, they are prudes. I had sex with a Mr. Vanilla once… ONCE. I scared him off! LOL!

Mr. Clueless… These are the guys that don’t know what a clitoris is and have no understanding of how to make a woman orgasm. You think I am joking… But, there are lots of men who really don’t understand female anatomy. Fortunately, I’ve avoided these guys all together.

Mr. Rub It Off… These are the guys that think fast and furious is the way to handle a clitoris. Do you know how many men have tried to rub my clit completely off? LOTS! Ease up fellas!

And here are my FIX-IT TIPS:

  • Ask your partner upfront what she needs in order to orgasm. Spend a little time experimenting with her. Listen without letting your feelings get hurt and follow her lead.
  • Spend time and energy on foreplay. Stroke her with your fingers. Pleasure her with your tongue. And if you know you’re going to finish first during intercourse, make sure she cums during foreplay!
  • During sex, pay attention to her cues. If she sounds like she is faking it, she probably is. Stop whatever it is you’re doing and try something else. Or simply whisper a sexy, “what do you want me to do to you, baby?” I promise you she will tell you exactly what she wants.
  • If you cum and she still hasn’t had a chance, let her know you want to please her once you recover. Hold, kiss, and stroke her. Tease her with your fingers or lips. Then, when you’re ready, ask her again “what do you want me to do to you, baby?” Be open to whatever she says she needs.
  • Get to know the female body. The more you know, the happier you can make her. The 2 most important things are the clitoris and the g-spot. Now granted, women have many erogenous zones. However, these are the 2 most common ones that help a woman achieve orgasm. What to educate yourself? Ask your partner questions. Read our blog. Talk to a female friend you feel comfortable with. Or, come into the store. We’ll be happy to educate you!
  • Women are not all wired the same. Each of your partners may need different things. So talk about it upfront!
  • Don’t be afraid to experiment. Be excited that your partner wants to have sex with you and explore with you. If she wants to use a toy, it doesn’t mean she’s trying to replace you.

Sex should be pleasurable for both parties! If it’s not, there is a problem. Don’t be one of the chumps above!