Lessons From A Breakup!

Back in October, I wrote a piece entitled “Sexy Ways to Survive Your Break-up!” At the time, I was the one doing the breaking up. So, I felt confident and sexy and ready to be single. It felt natural to have fun and be free. I mean, I was out of a bad relationship and wanted to be happy! But for this blog, things are different. I was the one dumped. Yes, dumped. It’s such an awful word. It implies that something was wrong with me and that I had to be gotten rid of. But, the truth is, sometimes things just don’t work out for one reason or another…

Let me give a little background info. I began dating someone around the end of March. We’ll call him “Kevin”. Kevin seemed like a very nice guy. He was a gentleman, appreciated my curves, and was not intimidated by my openness and sexuality (at least not that I know of). Things seemed to be going well. We enjoyed each other’s company and the sex was decent enough, though lackluster. Everything was ok in my mind. Then out of the blue, Kevin stopped communicating with me. I texted him out of concern and got a text in return explaining that I was being dumped. Yep, a text. No explanation for the change in behavior. No explanation as to what happened. Needless to say, I was a LOT surprised.

So here I am, feeling a bit bruised and confused. I’m wondering what it is I can do to make things better. I’m also wondering what lessons I can take away from the situation. So, I re-read my original blog  “Sexy Ways to Survive Your Break-up!” I wanted to see if there is a different take now that I am the one who is on the shit end of this stick. And, this particular tip really stood out to me:

5. Learn from it.

Learning from your mistakes is sexy. Why? Because knowing your needs and wants makes you a more confident person, and therefore a sexier person. Next time, you’ll know more about what you do and don’t want/need. You’ll look for someone who is interested in fulfilling your desires, as much as they are interested in having theirs fulfilled. You won’t settle for less. That knowledge confidence, and power is all extremely sexy!

WOW! I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but… that is pretty powerful advice. It’s really smart advice! And we’ve all heard that the sexiest organ in our bodies is our BRAINS. So, I wanted to expand on that kind of sexiness and give my readers some smart lessons I learned from my break-up. Any time you think smart and act smart, you’ll definitely feel confident and sexy!

1. Listen to your gut next time…

Throughout the whole relationship with Kevin, I felt in my gut that something was off. I didn’t quite get the feeling he was 100% into me. I didn’t quite get the feeling he was ONLY seeing me. Even though he said he was monogamous with me, I really don’t think I was the only woman he was involved with. Trust me… there were red flags that pointed to this. I just ignored them. So, one of my smart tips is to go into a relationship with eyes wide open. Don’t let sex and romance cloud your judgment. Pay attention to red flags. And if your instincts are telling you something is wrong, go with your gut and trust your inner alarm bells!! You’ll feel a LOT sexier after a break-up if you don’t feel foolish and used.

2. Don’t settle for less than you want and need…

I was in a long-term relationship before I met Kevin. The guy I was with was very compatible with me in terms of interests, hobbies, and sex. We had an adventurous sex life and I was never bored. In short, we always had fun with each other. But, he lacked a level of affection and emotional depth that left me feeling more like a friend with benefits, and less like a girlfriend or partner in life. Kevin, however, was extremely affectionate and present. He communicated with me every day, did things for me around the house, and always paid for everything. However, we had ZERO in common and the sex was only s0-s0.. To put it simply, he was not that much fun to be around. We seriously lacked that friendship component that I feel is essential for a successful relationship. While I understand you’re not going to find everything you want in one person, you still shouldn’t settle! Having your needs and wants met is sexy. Having the confidence and security to hold out for someone who can meet most of your needs and wants is sexy. Being in a relationship where you feel fulfilled will certainly make you feel sexy, too!

3. Respect yourself and be a bar of gold…

I love, love, love sex! I’m almost 40 and I want it all.the.time. Masturbation is ok. But, it just doesn’t get the job done for me. It leaves me wanting more, more, more than some batteries can provide. So, I tend to jump quickly into sex with a new romantic interest. I mean, the sex wasn’t that great. It was vanilla and predictable, and I often didn’t get to finish before he did. But if you’re horny like me, even mediocre sex is better than masturbation. That certainly made it harder to see red flags. I feel like I let the regular sex cloud my judgment. I let my sexual needs keep me from seeing I was being misled… by Kevin AND by myself! I used to be ok with casual sex and friends with benefits arrangement. Yet, this time I felt used. It’s a gross feeling…  Despite this, I have begun to feel something pretty incredible about myself… I am a bar of gold. My body is a treasure. I shouldn’t just give it away so quickly and easily. If you are ok with casual sex, go for it. But for me, recognizing my worth is much, much sexier!

I know this a departure from my typical blogs. But, I am on a journey… a sexy journey. And, this was a stop along the way… I’ll resume my normally scheduled freak-tastic blogs shortly! 🙂

For more tips on how to feel sexy, check out my blog “Bringing your sexy back!”

And with that…


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