I am a bit of a goofball and a klutz. I snort when I laugh. I trip over my own feet. I frequently add “that’s what he said” to the end of my friend’s sentences. In short, I am a total dork. So when it comes to my sex life, imagine it to be something like the bloopers reel from a porno. There are usually mishaps and sometimes a bit of downright silliness.
Obviously, I am very adventurous and can really get into some kinky shit. But, I also don’t take sex too seriously. Let’s face it… the things we do during sex can be a bit funny. There have been many times I have laughed during sex. At minimum, I always find something to giggle about. Why? Sometimes positions that sound fun end up a bit awkward and you don’t know what goes where. Sometimes someone farts. Really, anything can happen.
In my case, I’ve even rolled off the bed! It’s true! Recently, my partner made me cum so hard that I lost control of myself and fell out of the bed. Yep… right out of the bed and straight onto the floor with a loud thud. I was trying to roll over onto my back, but didn’t realize I was so close to the edge of the bed. I tried to recover by holding onto the comforter. But, I was spent from the sex, dizzy and fuzzy-headed from such intense pleasure. So, I just said “fuck it” and let myself fall. Real sexy stuff… And his words to ease my embarrassment? “Anything done at the moment of orgasm is excusable.” It’s that kind of attitude that we all need to have during sex… that it’s a playful, fun experience! That anything can happen and we just need to roll with it. Read on…
In my early 20’s, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He had attempted to make the room romantic by lighting candles all around the bed. It was beautiful and had the intended purpose. We started to have sex and I got lost in the passion of the moment… until I noticed a candle fall onto the bed near my head. My boyfriend was deep in thought when I breathlessly whispered, “the bed is on fire.” He said, “I know, baby… we’re on fire.” Realizing that he did not understand what was going on, I yelled, “THE BED IS ON FIRE.” He yelled back, “YAY BABY, ON FIRE”, and increased the speed of his thrusts. Finally, I pushed him off and yelled, “NOOOO! The bed is actually on FIRE!” He tamped out the smoldering sheets with a pillow.
After my divorce, I had a friend with benefits. We were hot and heavy in some intense sex. He was fucking me from behind and had been for quite a while. He was sort of leaning on me. Being a man of larger stature, the pressure on my back-end began to cause my legs to grow uncomfortable. Suddenly, my calf began to spasm with a leg cramp. I honestly couldn’t stand the pain and basically spontaneously donkey-kicked him off of me.
Another time, with another boyfriend, my legs went numb. He was a football player type and had me in a position that resembled a wrestling hold. It cut off all circulation in my legs! The sex was hot and I wasn’t really paying attention to the loss of sensation in my extremities because I had so much sensation going on elsewhere. Well, when we were done, I rolled to the edge of the bed and attempted to stand up. Yeah, I fell down. I couldn’t feel my legs and hit the floor.
After all of these moments, I just ended up laughing. My partners did, too. It’s sex! It’s supposed to be fun, even when it isn’t perfect.